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waited with great impatience; and under the greatest oppressions
of spirits imaginable; till about four o'clock he came to my
apartment; for I had obtained the favour; by the help of money;
nothing being to be done in that place without it; not to be
kept in the condemned hole; as they call it; among the rest of
the prisoners who were to die; but to have a little dirty
chamber to myself。
My heart leaped within me for joy when I heard his voice at
the door; even before I saw him; but let any one judge what
kind of motion I found in my soul; when after having made a
short excuse for his not coming; he showed me that his time
had been employed on my account; that he had obtained a
favourable report from the Recorder to the Secretary of State
in my particular case; and; in short; that he had brought me
a reprieve。
He used all the caution that he was able in letting me know
a thing which it would have been a double cruelty to have
concealed; and yet it was too much for me; for as grief had
overset me before; so did joy overset me now; and I fell into
a much more dangerous swooning than I did at first; and it
was not without a great difficulty that I was recovered at all。
The good man having made a very Christian exhortation to
me; not to let the joy of my reprieve put the remembrance of
my past sorrow out of my mind; and having told me that he
must leave me; to go and enter the reprieve in the books; and
show it to the sheriffs; stood up just before his going away;
and in a very earnest manner prayed to God for me; that my
repentance might be made unfeigned and sincere; and that
my coming back; as it were; into life again; might not be a
returning to the follies of life which I had made such solemn
resolutions to forsake; and to repent of them。 I joined heartily
in the petition; and must needs say I had deeper impressions
upon my mind all that night; of the mercy of God in sparing
my life; and a greater detestation of my past sins; from a sense
of the goodness which I had tasted in this case; than I had in
all my sorrow before。
This may be thought inconsistent in itself; and wide from the
business of this book; particularly; I reflect that many of those
who may be pleased and diverted with the relation of the wild
and wicked part of my story may not relish this; which is
really the best part of my life; the most advantageous to myself;
and the most instructive to others。 Such; however; will; I hope;
allow me the liberty to make my story complete。 It would be
a severe satire on such to say they do not relish the repentance
as much as they do the crime; and that they had rather the
history were a complete tragedy; as it was very likely to have been。
But I go on with my relation。 The next morning there was a
sad scene indeed in the prison。 The first thing I was saluted
with in the morning was the tolling of the great bell at St。
Sepulchre's; as they call it; which ushered in the day。 As soon
as it began to toll; a dismal groaning and crying was heard
from the condemned hole; where there lay six poor souls who
were to be executed that day; some from one crime; some for
another; and two of them for murder。
This was followed by a confused clamour in the house; among
the several sorts of prisoners; expressing their awkward sorrows
for the poor creatures that were to die; but in a manner extremely
differing one from another。 Some cried for them; some huzzaed;
and wished them a good journey; some damned and cursed those
that had brought them to itthat is; meaning the evidence; or
prosecutorsmany pitying them; and some few; but very few;
praying for them。
There was hardly room for so much composure of mind as
was required for me to bless the merciful Providence that had;
as it were; snatched me out of the jaws of this destruction。 I
remained; as it were; dumb and silent; overcome with the
sense of it; and not able to express what I had in my heart; for
the passions on such occasions as these are certainly so agitated
as not to be able presently to regulate their own motions。
All the while the poor condemned creatures were preparing
to their death; and the ordinary; as they call him; was busy
with them; disposing them to submit to their sentenceI say;
all this while I was seized with a fit of trembling; as much as
I could have been if I had been in the same condition; as to be
sure the day before I expected to be; I was so violently agitated
by this surprising fit; that I shook as if it had been in the cold
fit of an ague; so that I could not speak or look but like one
distracted。 As soon as they were all put into carts and gone;
which; however; I had not courage enough to seeI say; as
soon as they were gone; I fell into a fit of crying involuntarily;
and without design; but as a mere distemper; and yet so violent;
and it held me so long; that I knew not what course to take;
nor could I stop; or put a check to it; no; not with all the
strength and courage I had。
This fit of crying held me near two hours; and; as I believe;
held me till they were all out of the world; and then a most
humble; penitent; serious kind of joy succeeded; a real transport
it was; or passion of joy and thankfulness; but still unable to
give vent to it by words; and in this I continued most part of
the day。
In the evening the good minister visited me again; and then
fell to his usual good discourses。 He congratulated my having
a space yet allowed me for repentance; whereas the state of
those six poor creatures was determined; and they were now
past the offers of salvation; he earnestly pressed me to retain
the same sentiments of the things of life that I had when I had
a view of eternity; and at the end of all told me I should not
conclude that all was over; that a reprieve was not a pardon;
that he could not yet answer for the effects of it; however; I
had this mercy; that I had more time given me; and that it was
my business to improve that time。
This discourse; though very seasonable; left a kind of sadness
on my heart; as if I might expect the affair would have a
tragical issue still; which; however; he had no certainty of;
and I did not indeed; at that time; question him about it; he
having said that he would do his utmost to bring it to a good
end; and that he hoped he might; but he would not have me
be secure; and the consequence proved that he had reason for
what he said。
It was about a fortnight after this that I had some just apprehensions
that I should be included in the next dead warrant at the ensuing
sessions; and it was not without great difficulty; and at last a
humble petition for transportation; that I avoided it; so ill was
I beholding to fame; and so prevailing was the fatal report of
being an old offender; though in that they did not do me strict
justice