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to come down for the execution； the Friday afterwards； of five
more and myself。
In the meantime my poor distressed governess sent me a
minister； who at her request first； and at my own afterwards；
came to visit me。 He exhorted me seriously to repent of all
my sins； and to dally no longer with my soul； not flattering
myself with hopes of life； which； he said； he was informed
there was no room to expect； but unfeignedly to look up to
God with my whole soul； and to cry for pardon in the name
of Jesus Christ。 He backed his discourses with proper quotations
of Scripture； encouraging the greatest sinner to repent； and turn
from their evil way； and when he had done； he kneeled down
and prayed with me。
It was now that； for the first time； I felt any real signs of
repentance。 I now began to look back upon my past life with
abhorrence； and having a kind of view into the other side of
time； and things of life； as I believe they do with everybody
at such a time； began to look with a different aspect； and quite
another shape； than they did before。 The greatest and best
things； the views of felicity； the joy； the griefs of life； were
quite other things； and I had nothing in my thoughts but what
was so infinitely superior to what I had known in life； that it
appeared to me to be the greatest stupidity in nature to lay
any weight upon anything； though the most valuable in this
world。
The word eternity represented itself with all its incomprehensible
additions； and I had such extended notions of it； that I know
not how to express them。 Among the rest； how vile； how gross；
how absurd did every pleasant thing look！I mean； that we
had counted pleasant beforeespecially when I reflected that
these sordid trifles were the things for which we forfeited
eternal felicity。
With these reflections came； of mere course； severe reproaches
of my own mind for my wretched behaviour in my past life；
that I had forfeited all hope of any happiness in the eternity
that I was just going to enter into； and on the contrary was
entitled to all that was miserable； or had been conceived of
misery； and all this with the frightful addition of its being
also eternal。
I am not capable of reading lectures of instruction to anybody；
but I relate this in the very manner in which things then
appeared to me； as far as I am able； but infinitely short of the
lively impressions which they made on my soul at that time；
indeed； those impressions are not to be explained by words；
or if they are； I am not mistress of words enough to express
them。 It must be the work of every sober reader to make just
reflections on them； as their own circumstances may direct；
and； without question； this is what every one at some time or
other may feel something of； I mean； a clearer sight into things
to come than they had here； and a dark view of their own
concern in them。
But I go back to my own case。 The minister pressed me to
tell him； as far as I though convenient； in what state I found
myself as to the sight I had of things beyond life。 He told me
he did not come as ordinary of the place； whose business it
is to extort confessions from prisoners； for private ends； or
for the further detecting of other offenders； that his business
was to move me to such freedom of discourse as might serve
to disburthen my own mind； and furnish him to administer
comfort to me as far as was in his power； and assured me；
that whatever I said to him should remain with him； and be
as much a secret as if it was known only to God and myself；
and that he desired to know nothing of me； but as above to
qualify him to apply proper advice and assistance to me； and
to pray to God for me。
This honest； friendly way of treating me unlocked all the
sluices of my passions。 He broke into my very soul by it； and
I unravelled all the wickedness of my life to him。 In a word； I
gave him an abridgment of this whole history； I gave him a
picture of my conduct for fifty years in miniature。
I hid nothing from him； and he in return exhorted me to sincere
repentance； explained to me what he meant by repentance； and
then drew out such a scheme of infinite mercy； proclaimed
from heaven to sinners of the greatest magnitude； that he left
me nothing to say； that looked like despair； or doubting of
being accepted； and in this condition he left me the first night。
He visited me again the next morning； and went on with his
method of explaining the terms of divine mercy； which
according to him consisted of nothing more； or more difficult；
than that of being sincerely desirous of it； and willing to accept
it； only a sincere regret for； and hatred of； those things I had
done； which rendered me so just an object of divine vengeance。
I am not able to repeat the excellent discourses of this
extraordinary man； 'tis all that I am able to do； to say that he
revived my heart； and brought me into such a condition that
I never knew anything of in my life before。 I was covered
with shame and tears for things past； and yet had at the same
time a secret surprising joy at the prospect of being a true
penitent； and obtaining the comfort of a penitentI mean； the
hope of being forgiven； and so swift did thoughts circulate；
and so high did the impressions they had made upon me run；
that I thought I could freely have gone out that minute to
execution； without any uneasiness at all； casting my soul
entirely into the arms of infinite mercy as a penitent。
The good gentleman was so moved also in my behalf with a
view of the influence which he saw these things had on me；
that he blessed God he had come to visit me； and resolved not
to leave me till the last moment； that is； not to leave visiting me。
It was no less than twelve days after our receiving sentence
before any were ordered for execution； and then upon a
Wednesday the dead warrant； as they call it； came down； and
I found my name was among them。 A terrible blow this was
to my new resolutions； indeed my heart sank within me； and
I swooned away twice； one after another； but spoke not a word。
The good minister was sorely afflicted for me； and did what he
could to comfort me with the same arguments； and the same
moving eloquence that he did before； and left me not that
evening so long as the prisonkeepers would suffer him to stay
in the prison； unless he would be locked up with me all night；
which he was not willing to be。
I wondered much that I did not see him all the next day； it
being the day before the time appointed for execution； and I
was greatly discouraged； and dejected in my mind； and indeed
almost sank for want of the comfort which he had so often；
and with such success； yielded me on his former visits。 I
waited with great impatience； and under the greatest oppressions
of spirits imaginable； till about four o'