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and so I threw open my hoods again； and let them pass by me。
It was a wretched thing for a mother thus to see her own son；
a handsome； comely young gentleman in flourishing
circumstances； and durst not make herself known to him； and
durst not take any notice of him。 Let any mother of children
that reads this consider it； and but think with what anguish of
mind I restrained myself； what yearnings of soul I had in me
to embrace him； and weep over him； and how I thought all my
entrails turned within me； that my very bowels moved； and I
knew not what to do； as I now know not how to express those
agonies！ When he went from me I stood gazing and trembling；
and looking after him as long as I could see him； then sitting
down to rest me； but turned from her； and lying on my face；
wept； and kissed the ground that he had set his foot on。
I could not conceal my disorder so much from the woman but
that she perceived it； and thought I was not well； which I was
obliged to pretend was true； upon which she pressed me to rise；
the ground being damp and dangerous； which I did accordingly；
and walked away。
As I was going back again； and still talking of this gentleman
and his son； a new occasion of melancholy offered itself thus。
The woman began； as if she would tell me a story to divert me：
'There goes；' says she； 'a very odd tale among the neighbours
where this gentleman formerly live。' 'What was that？' said
I。 'Why；' says she； 'that old gentleman going to England；
when he was a young man； fell in love with a young lady there；
one of the finest women that ever was seen； and married her；
and brought her over hither to his mother who was then living。
He liver here several years with her；' continued she； 'and had
several children by her； of which the young gentleman that was
with him now was one； but after some time； the old gentlewoman；
his mother； talking to her of something relating to herself when
she was in England； and of her circumstances in England；
which were bad enough； the daughter…in…law began to be very
much surprised and uneasy； and； in short； examining further
into things； it appeared past all contradiction that the old
gentlewoman was her own mother； and that consequently that
son was his wife's own brother； which struck the whole family
with horror； and put them into such confusion that it had almost
ruined them all。 The young woman would not live with him；
the son； her brother and husband； for a time went distracted；
and at last the young woman went away for England； and has
never been hears of since。'
It is easy to believe that I was strangely affected with this story；
but 'tis impossible to describe the nature of my disturbance。 I
seemed astonished at the story； and asked her a thousand
questions about the particulars； which I found she was
thoroughly acquainted with。 At last I began to inquire into the
circumstances of the family； how the old gentlewoman； I mean
my mother； died； and how she left what she had； for my mother
had promised me very solemnly； that when she died she would
do something for me； and leave it so； as that； if I was living； I
should one way or other come at it； without its being in the
power of her son； my brother and husband； to prevent it。 She
told me she did not know exactly how it was ordered； but she
had been told that my mother had left a sum of money； and
had tied her plantation for the payment of it； to be made good
to the daughter； if ever she could be heard of； either in England
or elsewhere； and that the trust was left with this son； who was
the person that we saw with his father。
This was news too good for me to make light of； and； you
may be sure； filled my heart with a thousand thoughts； what
courseI should take； how； and when； and in what manner I
should make myself known； or whether I should ever make
myself know or no。
Here was a perplexity that I had not indeed skill to manage
myself in； neither knew I what course to take。 It lay heavy
upon my mind night and day。 I could neither sleep nor
converse； sothat my husband perceived it； and wondered what
ailed me； strove to divert me； but it was all to no purpose。 He
pressed me to tell him what it was troubled me； but I put it off；
till at last； importuning me continually； I was forced to form
a story； which yet had a plain truth to lay it upon too。 It old
him I was troubled because I found we must shift our quarters
and alter our scheme of settling； for that I found I should be
known if I stayed in that part of the country； for that my mother
being dead； several of my relations were come into that part
where we then was； and that I must either discover myself to
them； which in our present circumstances was not proper on
many accounts； or remove； and which to do I knew not； and
that this it was that made me so melancholy and so thoughtful。
He joined with me in this； that it was by no means proper for
me to make myself known to anybody in the circumstances
inwhich we then were； and therefore he told me he would be
willing to remove to any other part of the country； or even to
any other country if I thought fit。 But now I had another
difficulty；which was； that if I removed to any other colony； I
put myself out of the way of ever making a due search after
those effects which my mother had left。 Again I could never
so much as think of breaking the secret of my former marriage
to my new husband； it was not a story； as I thought； that would
bear telling； nor could I tell what might be the consequences
of it； and it was impossible to search into the bottom of the
thing without making it public all over the country； as well
who I was； as what I now was also。
In this perplexity I continued a great while； and this made my
spouse very uneasy； for he found me perplexed； and yet thought
I was not open with him； and did not let him into every part
of my grievance； and he would often say； he wondered what
he had done that I would not trust him with whatever it was；
especially if it was grievous and afflicting。 The truth is； he
ought to have been trusted with everything； for no man in the
world could deserve better of a wife； but this was a thing I
knew not how to open to him； and yet having nobody to
disclose any part of it to；the burthen was too heavy for my
mind； for let them say whatthey please of our sex not being
able to keep a secret； my life is a plain conviction to me of the
contrary； but be it our sex； or the man's sex； a secret of moment
should always have a confidant；a bosom friend； to whom we
may communicate the joy of it； or the grief of it； be it which
it will； or it will be a double weight upon the spirits； and
perhaps become even insupportable in itself； and this I appeal
to all human testimony for the truth of。
And this is the cause why many times men as well as