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A Lancashire poultry…man drifted into Barbury Green yesterday。 He
is an old acquaintance of Mr。 Heaven； and spent the night and part of the
next day at Thornycroft Farm。 He possessed a deal of fowl philosophy；
and tells many a good hen story； which； like fish stories； draw rather
largely on the credulity of the audience。 We were sitting in the rickyard
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talking comfortably about laying and cackling and kindred matters when
he took his pipe from his mouth and told us the following talenot a bad
one if you can translate the dialect：…
'Aw were once towd as； if yo' could only get th' hen's egg away afooar
she hed sin it； th' hen 'ud think it hed med a mistek an' sit deawn ageean
an' lay another。
'An' it seemed to me it were a varra sensible way o' lukkin' at it。 Sooa
aw set to wark to mek a nest as 'ud tek a rise eawt o' th' hens。 An' aw dud
it too。 Aw med a nest wi' a fause bottom； th' idea bein' as when a hen hed
laid； th' egg 'ud drop through into a box underneyth。
'Aw felt varra preawd o' that nest； too； aw con tell yo'； an' aw
remember aw felt quite excited when aw see an awd black Minorca； th'
best layer as aw hed； gooa an' settle hersel deawn i' th' nest an' get ready
for wark。 Th' hen seemed quite comfortable enough； aw were glad to see；
an' geet through th' operation beawt ony seemin' trouble。
〃Well； aw darsay yo' know heaw a hen carries on as soon as it's laid a
egg。 It starts 〃chuckin'〃 away like a showman's racket； an' after tekkin' a
good Ink at th' egg to see whether it's a big 'un or a little 'un； gooas eawt
an' tells all t'other hens abeawt it。
〃Neaw； this black Minorca； as aw sed； were a owdish bird； an' maybe
knew mooar than aw thowt。 Happen it hed laid on a nest wi' a fause
bottom afooar； an' were up to th' trick； but whether or not； aw never see a
hen luk mooar disgusted i' mi life when it lukked i' th' nest an' see as it hed
hed all that trouble fer nowt。
〃It woked reawnd th' nest as if it couldn't believe its own eyes。
〃But it dudn't do as aw expected。 Aw expected as it 'ud sit deawn
ageean an' lay another。
〃But it just gi'e one wonderin' sooart o' chuck； an then； after a long
stare reawnd th' hen…coyt； it woked eawt； as mad a hen as aw've ever sin。
Aw fun' eawt after； what th' long stare meant。 It were tekkin' farewell！
For if yo'll believe me that hen never laid another egg i' ony o' my nests。
〃Varra like it laid away in a spot wheear it could hev summat to luk at
when it hed done wark for th' day。
〃Sooa aw lost mi best layer through mi actin'； an' aw've never invented
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owt sen。〃
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CHAPTER VI
One learns to be modest by living on a poultry farm； for there are
constant expositions of the most deplorable vanity among the cocks。 We
have a couple of pea…fowl who certainly are an addition to the landscape；
as they step mincingly along the square of turf we dignify by the name of
lawn。 The head of the house has a most languid and self…conscious strut；
and his microscopic mind is fixed entirely on his splendid trailing tail。 If
I could only master his language sufficiently to tell him how hideously
ugly the back view of this gorgeous fan is； when he spreads it for the
edification of the observer in front of him； he would of course retort that
there is a 〃congregation side〃 to everything； but I should at least force him
into a defence of his tail and a confession of its limitations。 This would be
new and unpleasant； I fancy； and if it produced no perceptible effect upon
his super…arrogant demeanour； I might remind him that he is likely to be
used； eventually； for a feather duster； unless； indeed； the Heavens are
superstitious and prefer to throw his tail away； rather than bring ill luck
and the evil eye into the house。
The longer I study the cock； whether Black Spanish； White Leghorn；
Dorking； or the common barnyard fowl； the more intimately I am
acquainted with him； the less I am impressed with his character。 He has
more pride of bearing； and less to be proud of； than any bird I know。 He
is indolent； though he struts pompously over the grass as if the day were
all too short for his onerous duties。 He calls the hens about him when I
throw corn from the basket； but many a time I have seen him swallow
hurriedly； and in private； some dainty titbit he has found unexpectedly。
He has no particular chivalry。 He gives no special encouragement to his
hen when he becomes a prospective father； and renders little assistance
when the responsibilities become actualities。 His only personal message
or contribution to the world is his raucous cock…a…doodle…doo； which；
being uttered most frequently at dawn； is the most ill…timed and offensive
of all musical notes。 It is so unnecessary too； as if the day didn't come
soon enough without his warning； but I suppose he is anxious to waken his
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hens and get them at their daily task； and so he disturbs the entire
community。 In short； I dislike him； his swagger； his autocratic strut； his
greed； his irritating self…consciousness； his endless parading of himself up
and down in a procession of one。
Of course his character is largely the result of polygamy。 His
weaknesses are only what might be expected； and as for the hens； I have
considerable respect for the patience； sobriety； and dignity with which they
endure an institution particularly offensive to all women。 In their case
they do not even have the sustaining thought of its being an article of
religion； so they are to be complimented the more。
There is nothing on earth so feminine as a hennot womanly； simply
feminine。 Those men of insight who w