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it without thinking at all； or with the thought that it had come from
Barbury Green。 But eat a duckling that I have stoned out of the pond；
pursued up the bank； chased behind the wire netting； caught； screaming； in
a corner； and carried struggling to his bed？ Feed upon an idiot gosling that
I have found in nine different coops on nine successive nightsin with the
newly…hatched chicks； the half…grown pullets； the setting hen； the
〃invaleed goose；〃 the drake with the gapes； the old ducks in the pen？Eat
a gosling that I have caught and put in with his brothers and sisters （whom
he never recognises） so frequently and regularly that I am familiar with
every joint in his body？
In the first place； with my own small bump of locality and lack of
geography； I would never willingly consume a creature who might； by
some strange process of assimilation； make me worse in this respect； in
the second place； I should have to be ravenous indeed to sit down
deliberately and make a meal of an intimate friend； no matter if I had not a
high opinion of his intelligence。 I should as soon think of eating the
Square Baby； stuffed with sage and onion and garnished with green apple…
sauce； as the yellow duckling or the idiot gosling。
Mrs。 Heaven has just called me into her sitting…room； ostensibly to ask
me to order breakfast； but really for the pleasure of conversation。 Why
she should inquire whether I would relish some gammon of bacon with
eggs； when she knows that there has not been； is not now； and never will
be； anything but gammon of bacon with eggs； is more than I can explain。
〃Would you like to see my flowers； miss？〃 she asks； folding her plump
hands over her white apron。 〃They are looking beautiful this morning。
I am so fond of potted plants； of plants in pots。 Look at these geraniums！
Now； I consider that pink one a perfect bloom； yes； a perfect bloom。 This
is a fine red one； is it not； miss？ Especially fine； don't you think？ The
trouble with the red variety is that they're apt to get 〃bobby〃 and have to
be washed regularly； quite bobby they do get indeed； I assure you。 That
white one has just gone out of blossom； and it was really wonderful。 You
could 'ardly have told it from a paper flower； miss； not from a white paper
flower。 My plants are my children nowadays； since Albert Edward is my
only care。 I have been the mother of eleven children； miss； all of them
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The Diary of a Goose Girl
living； so far as I know； I know nothing to the contrary。 I 'ope you are
not wearying of this solitary place； miss？ It will grow upon you； I am
sure； as it did upon Mrs。 Pollock； with all her peculiar fancies； and as it 'as
grown upon us。We formerly had a butcher's shop in Buffington； and it
was naturally a great responsibility。 Mr。 Heaven's nerves are not strong；
and at last he wanted a life of more quietude； more quietude was what he
craved。 The life of a retail butcher is a most exciting and wearying one。
Nobody satisfied with their meat； as if it mattered in a world of change！
Everybody complaining of too much bone or too little fat； nobody wishing
tough chops or cutlets； but always seeking after fine joints； when it's
against reason and nature that all joints should be juicy and all cutlets
tender； always complaining if livers are not sent with every fowl； always
asking you to remember the trimmin's； always wanting their beef well 'ung；
and then if you 'ang it a minute too long； it's left on your 'ands！ I often
used to say to Mr。 Heaven； yes many's the time I've said it； that if people
would think more of the great 'ereafter and less about their own little
stomachs； it would be a deal better for them； yes； a deal better； and make it
much more comfortable for the butchers！〃
* * *
Burd Alane has had a good quarter of an hour to…day。
His spouse took a brief promenade with him。 To be sure； it was
during an absence of the flock on the other side of the hedge so that the
moral effect of her spasm of wifely loyalty was quite lost upon them。 I
strongly suspect that she would not have granted anything but a secret
interview。 What a petty； weak； ignoble character！ I really don't like to
think so badly of any fellow… creature as I am forced to think of that politic；
time…serving； pusillanimous goose。 I believe she laid the egg that
produced the idiot gosling！
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The Diary of a Goose Girl
CHAPTER IX
Here follows the true story of Sir Muscovy Drake； the Lady Blanche；
and Miss Malardina Crippletoes。
Phoebe's flock consisted at first mostly of Brown Mallards； but a
friend gave her a sitting of eggs warranted to produce a most beautiful
variety of white ducks。 They were hatched in due time； but proved hard
to raise； till at length there was only one survivor； of such uncommon
grace and beauty that we called her the Lady Blanche。 Presently a
neighbour sold Phoebe his favourite Muscovy drake； and these two
splendid creatures by 〃natural selection〃 disdained to notice the rest of the
flock； but forming a close friendship； wandered in the pleasant paths of
duckdom together； swimming and eating quite apart from the others。
In the brown flock there was one unfortunate； misshapen from the egg；
quite lame； and with no smoothness of plumage； but on that very account；
apparently； or because she was too weak to resist them； the others treated
her cruelly； biting her and pushing her away from the food。
One day it happened that the two ducksSir Muscovy and Lady
Blanchehad come up from the water before the others； and having taken
their repast were sitting together under the shade of a flowering currant…
bush； when they chanced to see poor Miss Crippletoes very badly used
and crowded away from the dish。 Sir Muscovy rose to his feet； a few
rapid words seemed