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angry if he went through that door。
Wallace described all these moments of hesitation to me with
the utmost particularity。 He went right past the door； and then；
with his hands in his pockets； and making an infantile attempt to
whistle； strolled right along beyond the end of the wall。 There he
recalls a number of mean； dirty shops； and particularly that of a
plumber and decorator； with a dusty disorder of earthenware pipes；
sheet lead ball taps； pattern books of wall paper； and tins of
enamel。 He stood pretending to examine these things； and coveting；
passionately desiring the green door。
Then； he said； he had a gust of emotion。 He made a run for
it； lest hesitation should grip him again； he went plump with
outstretched hand through the green door and let it slam behind
him。 And so； in a trice； he came into the garden that has haunted
all his life。
It was very difficult for Wallace to give me his full sense of
that garden into which he came。
There was something in the very air of it that exhilarated；
that gave one a sense of lightness and good happening and well
being； there was something in the sight of it that made all its
colour clean and perfect and subtly luminous。 In the instant of
coming into it one was exquisitely gladas only in rare moments
and when one is young and joyful one can be glad in this world。
And everything was beautiful there 。 。 。 。 。
Wallace mused before he went on telling me。 〃You see；〃 he
said； with the doubtful inflection of a man who pauses at
incredible things； 〃there were two great panthers there 。 。 。 Yes；
spotted panthers。 And I was not afraid。 There was a long wide
path with marble…edged flower borders on either side； and these two
huge velvety beasts were playing there with a ball。 One looked up
and came towards me； a little curious as it seemed。 It came right
up to me； rubbed its soft round ear very gently against the small
hand I held out and purred。 It was； I tell you； an enchanted
garden。 I know。 And the size？ Oh！ it stretched far and wide；
this way and that。 I believe there were hills far away。 Heaven
knows where West Kensington had suddenly got to。 And somehow it
was just like coming home。
〃You know； in the very moment the door swung to behind me； I
forgot the road with its fallen chestnut leaves； its cabs and
tradesmen's carts； I forgot the sort of gravitational pull back to
the discipline and obedience of home； I forgot all hesitations and
fear； forgot discretion； forgot all the intimate realities of this
life。 I became in a moment a very glad and wonder…happy little
boyin another world。 It was a world with a different quality； a
warmer； more penetrating and mellower light； with a faint clear
gladness in its air； and wisps of sun…touched cloud in the blueness
of its sky。 And before me ran this long wide path； invitingly；
with weedless beds on either side； rich with untended flowers； and
these two great panthers。 I put my little hands fearlessly on
their soft fur； and caressed their round ears and the sensitive
corners under their ears； and played with them； and it was as
though they welcomed me home。 There was a keen sense of
home…coming in my mind； and when presently a tall； fair girl
appeared in the pathway and came to meet me； smiling； and said
'Well？' to me； and lifted me； and kissed me； and put me down； and
led me by the hand； there was no amazement； but only an impression
of delightful rightness； of being reminded of happy things that had
in some strange way been overlooked。 There were broad steps； I
remember； that came into view between spikes of delphinium； and up
these we went to a great avenue between very old and shady dark
trees。 All down this avenue； you know； between the red chapped
stems； were marble seats of honour and statuary； and very tame and
friendly white doves 。 。 。 。 。
〃And along this avenue my girl…friend led me； looking downI
recall the pleasant lines； the finely…modelled chin of her sweet
kind faceasking me questions in a soft； agreeable voice； and
telling me things； pleasant things I know； though what they were I
was never able to recall 。 。 。 And presently a little Capuchin
monkey； very clean； with a fur of ruddy brown and kindly hazel
eyes； came down a tree to us and ran beside me； looking up at me
and grinning； and presently leapt to my shoulder。 So we went on
our way in great happiness 。 。 。 。〃
He paused。
〃Go on；〃 I said。
〃I remember little things。 We passed an old man musing among
laurels； I remember； and a place gay with paroquets； and came
through a broad shaded colonnade to a spacious cool palace； full of
pleasant fountains； full of beautiful things； full of the quality
and promise of heart's desire。 And there were many things and many
people； some that still seem to stand out clearly and some that are
a little vague； but all these people were beautiful and kind。 In
some wayI don't know howit was conveyed to me that they all
were kind to me； glad to have me there； and filling me with
gladness by their gestures； by the touch of their hands； by the
welcome and love in their eyes。 Yes〃
He mused for awhile。 〃Playmates I found there。 That was very
much to me； because I was a lonely little boy。 They played
delightful games in a grass…covered court where there was a
sun…dial set about with flowers。 And as one played one loved 。 。 。 。
〃Butit's oddthere's a gap in my memory。 I don't remember
the games we played。 I never remembered。 Afterwards； as a child；
I spent long hours trying； even with tears； to recall the form of
that happiness。 I wanted to play it all over againin my nursery
by myself。 No！ All I remember is the happiness and two dear
playfellows who were most with me 。 。 。 。 Then presently came a
sombre dark woman； with a grave； pale face and dreamy eyes； a
sombre woman wearing a soft long robe of pale purple； who carried
a book and beckoned and took me aside with her into a gallery above
a hallthough my playmates were loth to have me go； and ceased
their game and stood watching as I was carried away。 'Come back to
us！' they cried。 'Come back to us soon！' I looked up at her face；
but she heeded them not at all。 Her face was very gentle and
grave。 She took me to a seat in the gallery； and I stood beside
her； ready to look at her book as she opened it upon her knee。 The
pages fell open。 She pointed； and I looked； marvelling； for in the
living pages of that book I saw myself； it was a story about
myself； and in it were all the things that had happened to me since
ever I was born 。 。 。 。
〃It was wonderful to me； because the pages of that book were
not pictures； you understand； but realities。〃
Wallace paused gravelylooked at me doubtfully。
〃Go on；〃 I said。 〃I understand。〃
〃They were realitiesyes； they must have been； people moved
and things came and went in them； my dear mother； whom I had near
forgotten； then m