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people； and so it seemed that we should have to go home dinnerless。
I said we were not very hungry a fish would do。 My little maid answered；
it was not the market…day for fish。 Things began to look serious； but
presently the boarder who sustained the hotel came in； and when the case
was laid before him he was cheerfully willing to divide。 So we had much
pleasant chat at table about St。 George's chief industry； the repairing
of damaged ships； and in between we had a soup that had something in it
that seemed to taste like the hereafter； but it proved to be only pepper
of a particularly vivacious kind。 And we had an iron…clad chicken that
was deliciously cooked； but not in the right way。 Baking was not the
thing to convince this sort。 He ought to have been put through a quartz…
mill until the 〃tuck〃 was taken out of him； and then boiled till we came
again。 We got a good deal of sport out of him； but not enough sustenance
to leave the victory on our side。 No matter； we had potatoes and a pie
and a sociable good time。 Then a ramble through the town； which is a
quaint one； with interesting； crooked streets； and narrow； crooked lanes；
with here and there a grain of dust。 Here； as in Hamilton； the dwellings
had Venetian blinds of a very sensible pattern。 They were not double
shutters； hinged at the sides； but a single broad shutter； hinged at the
top； you push it outward； from the bottom； and fasten it at any angle
required by the sun or desired by yourself。
All about the island one sees great white scars on the hill…slopes。
These are dished spaces where the soil has been scraped off and the coral
exposed and glazed with hard whitewash。 Some of these are a quarter…acre
in size。 They catch and carry the rainfall to reservoirs； for the wells
are few and poor； and there are no natural springs and no brooks。
They say that the Bermuda climate is mild and equable； with never any
snow or ice； and that one may be very comfortable in spring clothing the
year round； there。 We had delightful and decided summer weather in May；
with a flaming sun that permitted the thinnest of raiment； and yet there
was a constant breeze； consequently we were never discomforted by heat。
At four or five in the afternoon the mercury began to go down； and then
it became necessary to change to thick garments。 I went to St。 George's
in the morning clothed in the thinnest of linen； and reached home at five
in the afternoon with two overcoats on。 The nights are said to be always
cool and bracing。 We had mosquito…nets； and the Reverend said the
mosquitoes persecuted him a good deal。 I often heard him slapping and
banging at these imaginary creatures with as much zeal as if they had
been real。 There are no mosquitoes in the Bermudas in May。
The poet Thomas Moore spent several months in Bermuda more than seventy
years ago。 He was sent out to be registrar of the admiralty。 I am not
quite clear as to the function of a registrar of the admiralty of
Bermuda； but I think it is his duty to keep a record of all the admirals
born there。 I will inquire into this。 There was not much doing in
admirals； and Moore got tired and went away。 A reverently preserved
souvenir of him is still one of the treasures of the islands： I gathered
the idea； vaguely； that it was a jug； but was persistently thwarted in
the twenty…two efforts I made to visit it。 However； it was no matter；
for I found out afterward that it was only a chair。
There are several 〃sights〃 in the Bermudas； of course； but they are
easily avoided。 This is a great advantageone cannot have it in Europe。
Bermuda is the right country for a jaded man to 〃loaf 〃 in。 There are no
harassments； the deep peace and quiet of the country sink into one's body
and bones and give his conscience a rest； and chloroform the legion of
invisible small devils that are always trying to whitewash his hair。
A good many Americans go there about the first of March and remain until
the early spring weeks have finished their villainies at home。
The Bermudians are hoping soon to have telegraphic communication with the
world。 But even after they shall have acquired this curse it will still
be a good country to go to for a vacation； for there are charming little
islets scattered about the inclosed sea where one could live secure from
interruption。 The telegraph…boy would have to come in a boat； and one
could easily kill him while he was making his landing。
We had spent four days in Bermudathree bright ones out of doors and one
rainy one in the house； we being disappointed about getting a yacht for a
sail； and now our furlough was ended； and we entered into the ship again
and sailed homeward。
We made the run home to New York quarantine in three days and five hours；
and could have gone right along up to the city if we had had a health
permit。 But health permits are not granted after seven in the evening；
partly because a ship cannot be inspected and overhauled with exhaustive；
thoroughness except in daylight； and partly because health…officers are
liable to catch cold if they expose themselves to the night air。 Still；
you can buy a permit after hours for five dollars extra； and the officer
will do the inspecting next week。 Our ship and passengers lay under
expense and in humiliating captivity all night； under the very nose of
the little official reptile who is supposed to protect New York from
pestilence by his vigilant 〃inspections。〃 This imposing rigor gave
everybody a solemn and awful idea of the beneficent watchfulness of our
government； and there were some who wondered if anything finer could be
found in other countries。
In the morning we were all a…tiptoe to witness the intricate ceremony of
inspecting the ship。 But it was a disappointing thing。 The health…
officer's tug ranged alongside for a moment； our purser handed the lawful
three…dollar permit fee to the health…officer's bootblack； who passed us
a folded paper in a forked stick； and away we went。 The entire
〃inspection〃 did not occupy thirteen seconds。
The health…officer's place is worth a hundred thousand dollars a year to
him。 His system of inspection is perfect； and therefore cannot be
improved on； but it seems to me that his system of collecting his fees
might be amended。 For a great ship to lie idle all night is a most
costly loss of time； for her passengers to have to do the same thing
works to them the same damage； with the addition of an amount of
exasperation and bitterness of soul that the spectacle of that health…
officer's ashes on a shovel could hardly sweeten。 Now why would it not
be better and simpler to let the ships pass in unmolested； and the fees
and permits be exchanged once a year by post。
End