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〃When I checked the place at closing time； I found him sleeping in the kitchen。 Couldn't have that； we ran a sanitary mess。 So I led him to a vacant room and put him to bed； intending to give him breakfast and ease him gently on his way…。…I wasn't running a flophouse。
〃A lot I had to say about it。 I saw him at breakfast all right。 But I hardly recognized him。 A couple of the girls had given him a bath； trimmed his hair； and shaved him； and had dressed him in clean … clothes…mine…and had thrown away the dirty rag he had worn over his ruined eyes and had replaced it with a clean white bandage。
〃Kinfolk； I do not fight the weather。 The girls were free to keep pets； I knew what fetched the customers； …and？it wasn't my piate playing。 If that pet stood on two legs and ate more than I did； I still did not argue。 Hormone Hall was Noisy's home as long as the girls wanted to keep him。
〃But it took me a while to realize that Noisy was not just
a parasite enjoying free room and board； and probably our stock…in…trade as well； while siphoning off cash from our customers…no； he was pulling his weight in the boat。 My books at the end of the first month he was with us showed the gross profit up and the way up。〃
〃How do you account for that； Lazarus？ Inasmuch as he was peting for your customers' cash。〃
〃Ira； must I do all your thinking for you？ No； Minerva does most of it。 But it is possible that you have never thought about the economics of that sort of joint。 There are three sources of gross； the bar； the kitchen； and the girls themselves。 No drugs…drugs spoil the three main sources。 If a customer was on drugs and showed it； or even broke out a stick of kish； I eased him out quickly and sent him down the line to the Chinaman's。
〃The kitchen was to supply meals to the girls…who were assessed room and board on a break…even or lose…a…little basis。 But it also served food all night to anyone who ordered it； and showed a since we had its overhead covered anyhow to board the girls。 The bar also showed a after I fired one barkeep with three hands。 The girls kept their gross； all the traffic would bear； but they paid the house a flat fee for each kewpie； or a triple fee if she kept a customer all night。 She could cheat a little； and I would shut…eye…but if she cheated too much or too often； or a john plained that he was rolled； I had a talk with her。 Never any real trouble； they were ladies； and besides； I had means to check on them quietly； as well as eyes in the back of my head。
〃The beefs about rolling were the stickiest； but I remember only one that was the girl's fault rather than the john's…I simply terminated her contract； let her go。 In the usual beef the slob was not rolled； he simply had a change of heart after he had counted too much money into her greedy little hands and she had delivered what he had ordered…then he tried to roll her to get it back。 But I could smell that sort of slob and would be listening via a mike…then would bust in as trouble started。 That sort of jerk I would toss so hard he bounced twice。〃
〃Grandfather； weren't some of them pretty big for that？〃
〃Not really； Galahad。 Size doesn't figure much in a fight…although I was always armed against real trouble。 But if I have to take a man； I have no punctions slowing me down about how I take him。 If you kick a man in the crotch
with no down long enough to throw him out。
〃Don't flinch； Hamadear； your father guaranteed that you could not be shocked。 But I was talking about Noisy and how he made us money while making some himself。
〃In this sort of frontier joint the usual customer es in； buys a drink while he looks over the girls； picks one by buying her a drink…goes to her room； then leaves。 Elapsed time； thirty minutes； to the house； minimum。
〃Pre…Noisy； that is。 After Noisy arrived； it went more like this： Buy a drink as before。 Maybe buy the girl a second drink rather than interrupt a blind man's song。 Take the girl to her room。 When he es back； Noisy is singing 'Frankie and Johnnie' or 'When the Pusher Met My Cousin；' and smiles and throws a verse at him…and the customer sits down and listens to all of it…and asks Noisy if he knows 'Dark Eyes。' Sure； Noisy knows it； but instead of admitting it； he asks the john to give him the words and hum it and he'll see what he can do with it。
〃If the customer has valuta； he's still there hours later； having had supper and bought supper for one of the girls and tipped Noisy rather lavishly and is ready for an encore with the girl or another girl。 If he's got the money； he stays all night； splitting his cash between the girls and Noisy and the bar and kitchen。 If he spends himself broke and has been a good customer…well behaved as well as f？ee with his money…I stake him to bed and breakfast on credit； and urge him to e back。 If he's alive next payday； he's sure to be back。 If not； all the house is out is the wholesale cost of one breakfast…nothing pared with what he's spent。 Cheap goodwill advertising。
〃A month of that； and both the house and the girls have made much more money； and the girls haven't worked much harder as they have spent part of their time drinking pay…me drinks…colored water； half the price to the house； half to the girl…while they help a john listen to Noisy's nostalgic songs。 Shucks； a girl doesn't want to work like a treadmill even if she usually enjoys her work as many of them did。 But they never got tired of sitting and listening to Noisy's songs。
〃I quit playing the piate； except； maybe； while Noisy ate。 Technically I was a better musician…but he had that undefinable quality that sells a song； he could make 'em cry or laugh。 And he had a thousand of 'em。 One he called 'The Born Loser。' Not much of a tune； just：
〃Tahtah pooin poom！
Tahtah poom poom！
Tab t'tah tah tah poom poom… 〃…about a bloke ake it。 Uh：
〃There's a beer joint By the pool hail For to pass some pleasant hours。
〃There's a hook shop Above the pool hail Where my sister makes her living。
〃She's a good sport； I can spring her For a fin or even a sawbuck
When not holding；
Or the horses
Have been running rather slowly… 〃Like that； folks。 But more of it。〃
〃Lazarus；〃 said Ira； 〃you have been humming or singing that song every day you've been up here。 All of it。 A dozen verses or more。〃
〃Really； Ira？ I do hum and sing； I know that。 But I don't hear it myself。 It's like the purring of a cat； it just means that I'm functioning okay； board all green； operating at normal cruising。 It means that I feel secure； relaxed； and happy… and； e to think of it； I do。
〃But 'The Born Loser' doesn't have a mere dozen verses； it has hundreds。 What I sang was only a snatch of what Noisy used to sing。 He was always fiddling with a song； changing it； adding to it。 I don't think this one started out as his； I seem to remember a song about a character whose overcoat was 。。usually in hock clear back when I was very young and raising my first family； on Earth