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the geicists know what they are talking about； you have exactly the expectancy I was born with and it doesn't matter that I'm a freak； I pass it on to you。 But even if they are mistaken about that gene plex in the twelfth chromosome pair； there is no possible doubt that you are a Howard in every gene。 So you're good for a couple of centu~ies without trying。 But
with a willingness to undergo rejuve every time you reach menopause； I couldn't guess how long you will last…they learn mo~re about it every year。 As long as you want to live； probably。 How long is that？〃
〃I don't know； Lazarus。〃
〃Then what's eating you； dear？ Sorry you gave up being a puter for vuln鐁able flesh…and…blood？〃
？〃Oh； no！~'
Then she added； 〃But sometimes it hu'rts。〃
〃Yes。 Sometimes it does。〃
〃Laz~rus 。 。 if you are certain you are ing back
why did you reorient Dora so that her affection is fixed on Lori and Lazi rather 'than on you？〃
？〃Is that all that's troubling you？ A routine precaution； that's all。 Why did Ira make a new will when we set up our family？ Why do we all have wills emplaced in Teena？ My sisters will own the 'Dora' presently no matter what； they already run it。 If anything did happen to me… Do you remember something you said years ago？ You told Ira that you would self…destroy rather than serve another master。〃 ~
〃Is it likely that I would fail to carry over such a memory？ That day led to this； by inevitable concatenation。 Lazarus； I left behind much of my memories 。 。 but I traced and retraced in this Minerva every conversation that Minerva ever shared with you。 Every word。〃
〃Then you know why I won't risk hurting a puter who thinks she's a little girl 。 。 and why I don't dare risk an emotional malfunction in a piloting puter somewhere out between the stars…when my sisters' lives depend on that puter。 Minerva； I would have bonded Dora to Lori and Lazi just on Dora's account； she needs to love and be loved。 But if I had neglected to do it as a safety precaution for the twins…well； a man who refuses to take his own death into account in making plans is a fool。 A self…centered fool who does not love anyone。〃
〃You are not that； Lazarus； you have never been t~at~…~？
〃Oh； yes； I have！ It took me endless years to le'醨n。〃
Again she let time pass before she spoke。' 〃Lazarus 。 。 I have often wondered about Llita。〃
〃'About Llita'？ Huh？〃
〃And about her； even more than about Llita。 Do I really look like her？〃
He stopped and stared at her。 They were near the top of the hill now； out of sight of the house。 〃I don't know。 How
第59节
can I know？ A thousand years… Memories fade' and blend。 I think you look like her。 Yes； you do。〃
〃Is that why you can't love me？ Did I make a terrible mistake in wanting to look like her？〃
〃But darling 。 。 I do love you。〃
〃You do？ Lazarus； you have never shared this boon with me。〃 Suddenly she unwrapped the little skirt； dropped it on the grass。 〃Look at me； Lazarus。 I am not she。 For your sake I wish I could be she。 But I am not 。 。 and I made… I… I was a puter then and didn't know any better。 I did not mean to hurt you； I did not mean to raise ghosts in your mind！ Can you forgive me this？〃
〃Minerva！ Stop； darling！ There is nothing to forgive。〃
〃Time is short； you are leaving。 Can you truly forgive me？ Will you put your child into me before you go？〃 Her eyes were welling tears； but she stared at him steadily。 〃I want your child； Lazarus。 I will not ask twice 。 。 but I could not let you leave without~asking。 In my ignorance I made myself look like her…because you loved her…but you could close your eyes！〃
〃Beloved…〃
〃Yes； Lazarus？〃
〃Does Ira close his eyes？ Refuse to see you？〃
〃Does Justin？ Or Galahad？ If you can stand my homely 'face； I surely can stand your lovely one…and； with any luck； she'll look more like you than me。 Let's go back to the house。〃
Her face lit up。 〃What's wrong with this little stand of trees？〃
〃Mmm。 Yes。 Now。〃
VARIATIONS ON A THEME
XVII'
Narcissus
〃Let's iun over it again； girls；〃 said Lazarus。 〃Both the time markers and the rendezvous landmarks。 Dora； can 'you see the globe？〃
〃I can if you'll keep your hands out of the way； 01' Buddy Boy。〃
〃Sorry； dear。 Call me Lazarus； I'm not your brother。〃
〃When Lazi and Lori made me their adopted sister； you got in free。 Logical？ Logical。 Don't fight it； Buddy； you like it。〃
〃Okay； I like it； Sister Dora；〃 agreed Lazarus~ 〃Now shut up and let me talk。〃
〃Aye； aye； modore；〃 the pilot puter answered。 〃But I've got it all 'on tell…me…three…times。 Not that I need those clumsy time markers…I'm calibrated； Buddy； calibrated。〃
〃Dora； assume that something happens to that calibration。〃
〃Can't。 One bank goes out of whack； I fall back on tell…metwice while I wipe that bank and restore it。〃
〃So？ You've been euphoric ever since the twins adopted you。 I taught you to be a pessimist； Dora。 A pilot who is not a pessimist isn't worth a hoot。〃
〃I'm sorry； modore。 I'll shut up。〃
〃Speak up if you have anything to say。 But not to disparage safety precautions。 It's my own precious skin I'm trying to protect； Dora； so please help me。 I can think of a dozen ways your gizzards could be damaged； either by error or by natural catastrophe…and so can you but there is no point in worrying。 But there is point in trying to 'anticipate what can be done about it。
〃Take a case in which you are working perfectly but the twins can't use you。 By schedule； after you drop me； you all go back to base…time framework and to New Rome and the tail at the Archives。 Who knows？… there may be some waiting there right now。〃
〃Brother；〃 put in Lorelei； 〃'now' doesn't mean anything。 We've been in irrelevant phase ever since we lifted off。〃
〃Don't quibble； dear。 The 'now' I mean is 2072 Diaspora； or 4291 Gregorian； your adulthood year。 If it is。〃
〃LaZ did you hear that？〃
〃You asked for it； Lor。 Pipe down and let' Brother talk。〃
〃The trouble is with the words themselves； Lorelei。 You gals
…you three gals…might spend part of the reach to Earth in inventing new language and appropriate syntax for spacetime travel。 But this； imaginary case… You ground on Secundus； go to the Archives； and ask if any Delay Mail has been unsealed that has your name on it。 Or Justin's； or Ira's。 Or even addressed to me； as Lazarus Long； or as Woodrow Wilson Smith。 I may try several ways； as I'll be attempting it from a 'now' some centuries before Delay Mail became a routine way to preserve papers。
〃So you pick up whatever there is and go back to the 'Dora'
…and find her lock sealed and a sheriff guarding it。 Confiscated。〃
〃What！〃
〃Dora； please don't yell in my ear。 This is a hypothetical case。〃
〃That sheriff had better be able to shoot straight；〃