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their children in school； and the old people in hospitals and
asylums。 And not only that； I thought； but these people who
undertake this can be formed into a permanent society； which； by
dividing the quarters of Moscow among its members； will be able to
see to it that this poverty and beggary shall not be bred； they will
incessantly annihilate it at its very inception； then they will
fulfil their duty； not so much by healing as by a course of hygiene
for the wretchedness of the city。 I fancied that there would be no
more simply needy； not to mention abjectly poor persons； in the town；
and that all of us wealthy individuals would thereafter be able to
sit in our drawing…rooms； and eat our five…course dinners； and ride
in our carriages to theatres and assemblies； and be no longer annoyed
with such sights as I had seen at the Lyapinsky house。
Having concocted this plan； I wrote an article on the subject； and
before sending it to the printer； I went to some acquaintances； from
whom I hoped for sympathy。 I said the same thing to every one whom I
met that day （and I applied chiefly to the rich）； and nearly the same
that I afterwards printed in my memoir； proposed to take advantage of
the census to inquire into the wretchedness of Moscow； and to succor
it； both by deeds and money； and to do it in such a manner that there
should be no poor people in Moscow； and so that we rich ones might be
able； with a quiet conscience； to enjoy the blessings of life to
which we were accustomed。 All listened to me attentively and
seriously； but nevertheless the same identical thing happened with
every one of them without exception。 No sooner did my hearers
comprehend the question； than they seemed to feel awkward and
somewhat mortified。 They seemed to be ashamed； and principally on my
account； because I was talking nonsense； and nonsense which it was
impossible to openly characterize as such。 Some external cause
appeared to compel my hearers to be forbearing with this nonsense of
mine。
〃Ah； yes！ of course。 That would be very good；〃 they said to me。 〃It
is a self…understood thing that it is impossible not to sympathize
with this。 Yes； your idea is a capital one。 I have thought of that
myself； but 。 。 。 we are so indifferent； as a rule； that you can
hardly count on much success 。 。 。 however； so far as I am concerned；
I am； of course； ready to assist。〃
They all said something of this sort to me。 They all agreed； but
agreed； so it seemed to me； not in consequence of my convictions； and
not in consequence of their own wish； but as the result of some
outward cause； which did not permit them not to agree。 I had already
noticed this； and； since not one of them stated the sum which he was
willing to contribute； I was obliged to fix it myself； and to ask：
〃So I may count on you for three hundred； or two hundred； or one
hundred； or twenty…five rubles？〃 And not one of them gave me any
money。 I mention this because； when people give money for that which
they themselves desire； they generally make haste to give it。 For a
box to see Sarah Bernhardt； they will instantly place the money in
your hand； to clinch the bargain。 Here； however； out of all those
who agreed to contribute； and who expressed their sympathy； not one
of them proposed to give me the money on the spot； but they merely
assented in silence to the sum which I suggested。 In the last house
which I visited on that day； in the evening； I accidentally came upon
a large company。 The mistress of the house had busied herself with
charity for several years。 Numerous carriages stood at the door；
several lackeys in rich liveries were sitting in the ante…chamber。
In the vast drawing…room； around two tables and lamps； sat ladies and
young girls； in costly garments； dressing small dolls； and there were
several young men there also； hovering about the ladies。 The dolls
prepared by these ladies were to be drawn in a lottery for the poor。
The sight of this drawing…room； and of the people assembled in it；
struck me very unpleasantly。 Not to mention the fact that the
property of the persons there congregated amounted to many millions；
not to mention the fact that the mere income from the capital here
expended on dresses； laces； bronzes； brooches； carriages； horses；
liveries； and lackeys； was a hundred…fold greater than all that these
ladies could earn； not to mention the outlay； the trip hither of all
these ladies and gentlemen； the gloves； linen； extra time； the
candles； the tea； the sugar； and the cakes had cost the hostess a
hundred times more than what they were engaged in making here。 I saw
all this； and therefore I could understand； that precisely here I
should find no sympathy with my mission： but I had come in order to
make my proposition； and； difficult as this was for me； I said what I
intended。 （I said very nearly the same thing that is contained in my
printed article。）
Out of all the persons there present； one individual offered me
money； saying that she did not feel equal to going among the poor
herself on account of her sensibility； but that she would give money；
how much money she would give； and when； she did not say。 Another
individual and a young man offered their services in going about
among the poor； but I did not avail myself of their offer。 The
principal person to whom I appealed； told me that it would be
impossible to do much because means were lacking。 Means were lacking
because all the rich people in Moscow were already on the lists； and
all of them were asked for all that they could possibly give； because
on all these benefactors rank； medals； and other dignities were
bestowed； because in order to secure financial success； some new
dignities must be secured from the authorities； and that this was the
only practical means； but this was extremely difficult。
On my return home that night； I lay down to sleep not only with a
presentment that my idea would come to nothing； but with shame and a
consciousness that all day long I had been engaged in a very
repulsive and disgraceful business。 But I did not give up this
undertaking。 In the first place； the matter had been begun； and
false shame would have prevented my abandoning it； in the second
place； not only the success of this scheme； but the very fact that I
was busying myself with it； afforded me the possibility of continuing
to live in the conditions under which I was then living； failure
entailed upon me the necessity of renouncing my present existence and
of seeking new paths of life。 And this I unconsciously dreaded； and
I could not believe the inward voice； and I went on with what I had
begun。
Having sent my article to the printer； I read the proof of it to the
City Council （Dum）。 I read it； stumbling； and blushing even to
tears； I felt so awkward。 And I saw that it was equally awkward for
all my hearers。 In answer to my question at the conclusion of my
reading； as to whether the superintendents of the census would accept
my proposition to retain their places with the object of becoming
mediators between society and the needy； an awkward silence ensued。
Then two orators made speeches。 These