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the diary of a nobody-第17章

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December 20。 … Went to Smirksons'; the drapers; in the Strand; who this year have turned out everything in the shop and devoted the whole place to the sale of Christmas cards。  Shop crowded with people; who seemed to take up the cards rather roughly; and; after a hurried glance at them; throw them down again。  I remarked to one of the young persons serving; that carelessness appeared to be a disease with some purchasers。  The observation was scarcely out of my mouth; when my thick coat…sleeve caught against a large pile of expensive cards in boxes one on top of the other; and threw them down。  The manager came forward; looking very much annoyed; and picking up several cards from the ground; said to one of the assistants; with a palpable side…glance at me:  〃Put these amongst the sixpenny goods; they can't be sold for a shilling now。〃  The result was; I felt it my duty to buy some of these damaged cards。

I had to buy more and pay more than intended。  Unfortunately I did not examine them all; and when I got home I discovered a vulgar card with a picture of a fat nurse with two babies; one black and the other white; and the words:  〃We wish Pa a Merry Christmas。〃  I tore up the card and threw it away。  Carrie said the great disadvantage of going out in Society and increasing the number of our friends was; that we should have to send out nearly two dozen cards this year。

December 21。 … To save the postman a miserable Christmas; we follow the example of all unselfish people; and send out our cards early。 Most of the cards had finger…marks; which I did not notice at night。  I shall buy all future cards in the daytime。  Lupin (who; ever since he has had the appointment with a stock and share broker; does not seem over…scrupulous in his dealings) told me never to rub out the pencilled price on the backs of the cards。  I asked him why。  Lupin said:  〃Suppose your card is marked 9d。 Well; all you have to do is to pencil a 3 … and a long down…stroke after it … in FRONT of the ninepence; and people will think you have given five times the price for it。〃

In the evening Lupin was very low…spirited; and I reminded him that behind the clouds the sun was shining。  He said:  〃Ugh! it never shines on me。〃  I said:  〃Stop; Lupin; my boy; you are worried about Daisy Mutlar。  Don't think of her any more。  You ought to congratulate yourself on having got off a very bad bargain。  Her notions are far too grand for our simple tastes。〃  He jumped up and said:  〃I won't allow one word to be uttered against her。  She's worth the whole bunch of your friends put together; that inflated; sloping…head of a Perkupp included。〃  I left the room with silent dignity; but caught my foot in the mat。

December 23。 … I exchanged no words with Lupin in the morning; but as he seemed to be in exuberant spirits in the evening; I ventured to ask him where he intended to spend his Christmas。  He replied: 〃Oh; most likely at the Mutlars'。〃

In wonderment; I said:  〃What! after your engagement has been broken off?〃

Lupin said:  〃Who said it is off?〃

I said:  〃You have given us both to understand … 〃

He interrupted me by saying:  〃Well; never mind what I said。  IT IS ON AGAIN … THERE!〃



CHAPTER XIII。



I receive an insulting Christmas card。  We spend a pleasant Christmas at Carrie's mother's。  A Mr。 Moss is rather too free。  A boisterous evening; during which I am struck in the dark。  I receive an extraordinary letter from Mr。 Mutlar; senior; respecting Lupin。  We miss drinking out the Old Year。


December 24。 … I am a poor man; but I would gladly give ten shillings to find out who sent me the insulting Christmas card I received this morning。  I never insult people; why should they insult me?  The worst part of the transaction is; that I find myself suspecting all my friends。  The handwriting on the envelope is evidently disguised; being written sloping the wrong way。  I cannot think either Gowing or Cummings would do such a mean thing。 Lupin denied all knowledge of it; and I believe him; although I disapprove of his laughing and sympathising with the offender。  Mr。 Franching would be above such an act; and I don't think any of the Mutlars would descend to such a course。  I wonder if Pitt; that impudent clerk at the office; did it?  Or Mrs。 Birrell; the charwoman; or Burwin…Fosselton?  The writing is too good for the former。

Christmas Day。 … We caught the 10。20 train at Paddington; and spent a pleasant day at Carrie's mother's。  The country was quite nice and pleasant; although the roads were sloppy。  We dined in the middle of the day; just ten of us; and talked over old times。  If everybody had a nice; UNinterfering mother…in…law; such as I have; what a deal of happiness there would be in the world。  Being all in good spirits; I proposed her health; and I made; I think; a very good speech。

I concluded; rather neatly; by saying:  〃On an occasion like this … whether relatives; friends; or acquaintances; … we are all inspired with good feelings towards each other。  We are of one mind; and think only of love and friendship。  Those who have quarrelled with absent friends should kiss and make it up。  Those who happily have not fallen out; can kiss all the same。〃

I saw the tears in the eyes of both Carrie and her mother; and must say I felt very flattered by the compliment。  That dear old Reverend John Panzy Smith; who married us; made a most cheerful and amusing speech; and said he should act on my suggestion respecting the kissing。  He then walked round the table and kissed all the ladies; including Carrie。  Of course one did not object to this; but I was more than staggered when a young fellow named Moss; who was a stranger to me; and who had scarcely spoken a word through dinner; jumped up suddenly with a sprig of misletoe; and exclaimed: 〃Hulloh!  I don't see why I shouldn't be on in this scene。〃  Before one could realise what he was about to do; he kissed Carrie and the rest of the ladies。

Fortunately the matter was treated as a joke; and we all laughed; but it was a dangerous experiment; and I felt very uneasy for a moment as to the result。  I subsequently referred to the matter to Carrie; but she said:  〃Oh; he's not much more than a boy。〃  I said that he had a very large moustache for a boy。  Carrie replied:  〃I didn't say he was not a nice boy。〃

December 26。 … I did not sleep very well last night; I never do in a strange bed。  I feel a little indigestion; which one must expect at this time of the year。  Carrie and I returned to Town in the evening。  Lupin came in late。  He said he enjoyed his Christmas; and added:  〃I feel as fit as a Lowther Arcade fiddle; and only require a little more 'oof' to feel as fit as a 500 pounds Stradivarius。〃  I have long since given up trying to understand Lupin's slang; or asking him to explain it。

December 27。 … I told Lupin I was expecting Gowing and Cummings to drop in to…morrow evening for a quiet game。  I was in hope the boy would volunteer to stay in; and help to amuse them。  Instead of which; he said:  〃Oh; you had better put them off; as I have asked Daisy and Frank Mutlar to come。〃  I said I could not think of doing such a thing。  Lupin said:  〃Then I will send a wire; and put off 
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