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estate to circumstances of utter destitution； and the deepest
misery； he made shift to stump back to his old master； and beg for
some relief。 By the locksmith's advice and aid； he was established
in business as a shoeblack； and opened shop under an archway near
the Horse Guards。 This being a central quarter； he quickly made a
very large connection； and on levee days； was sometimes known to
have as many as twenty half…pay officers waiting their turn for
polishing。 Indeed his trade increased to that extent； that in
course of time he entertained no less than two apprentices； besides
taking for his wife the widow of an eminent bone and rag collector；
formerly of MilIbank。 With this lady （who assisted in the
business） he lived in great domestic happiness； only chequered by
those little storms which serve to clear the atmosphere of wedlock；
and brighten its horizon。 In some of these gusts of bad weather；
Mr Tappertit would； in the assertion of his prerogative； so far
forget himself； as to correct his lady with a brush； or boot； or
shoe； while she （but only in extreme cases） would retaliate by
taking off his legs； and leaving him exposed to the derision of
those urchins who delight in mischief。
Miss Miggs； baffled in all her schemes； matrimonial and otherwise；
and cast upon a thankless； undeserving world； turned very sharp and
sour； and did at length become so acid； and did so pinch and slap
and tweak the hair and noses of the youth of Golden Lion Court；
that she was by one consent expelled that sanctuary； and desired to
bless some other spot of earth； in preference。 It chanced at that
moment； that the justices of the peace for Middlesex proclaimed by
public placard that they stood in need of a female turnkey for the
County Bridewell； and appointed a day and hour for the inspection
of candidates。 Miss Miggs attending at the time appointed； was
instantly chosen and selected from one hundred and twenty…four
competitors； and at once promoted to the office； which she held
until her decease； more than thirty years afterwards； remaining
single all that time。 It was observed of this lady that while she
was inflexible and grim to all her female flock； she was
particularly so to those who could establish any claim to beauty：
and it was often remarked as a proof of her indomitable virtue and
severe chastity； that to such as had been frail she showed no
mercy； always falling upon them on the slightest occasion； or on no
occasion at all； with the fullest measure of her wrath。 Among
other useful inventions which she practised upon this class of
offenders and bequeathed to posterity； was the art of inflicting an
exquisitely vicious poke or dig with the wards of a key in the
small of the back； near the spine。 She likewise originated a mode
of treading by accident （in pattens） on such as had small feet；
also very remarkable for its ingenuity； and previously quite
unknown。
It was not very long； you may be sure； before Joe Willet and Dolly
Varden were made husband and wife； and with a handsome sum in bank
（for the locksmith could afford to give his daughter a good dowry）；
reopened the Maypole。 It was not very long； you may be sure；
before a red…faced little boy was seen staggering about the Maypole
passage； and kicking up his heels on the green before the door。 It
was not very long； counting by years； before there was a red…faced
little girl； another red…faced little boy； and a whole troop of
girls and boys： so that； go to Chigwell when you would； there would
surely be seen； either in the village street； or on the green； or
frolicking in the farm…yardfor it was a farm now； as well as a
tavernmore small Joes and small Dollys than could be easily
counted。 It was not a very long time before these appearances
ensued； but it WAS a VERY long time before Joe looked five years
older； or Dolly either； or the locksmith either； or his wife
either： for cheerfulness and content are great beautifiers； and
are famous preservers of youthful looks； depend upon it。
It was a long time； too； before there was such a country inn as the
Maypole； in all England： indeed it is a great question whether
there has ever been such another to this hour； or ever will be。 It
was a long time toofor Never； as the proverb says； is a long day
before they forgot to have an interest in wounded soldiers at the
Maypole； or before Joe omitted to refresh them； for the sake of his
old campaign； or before the serjeant left off looking in there； now
and then； or before they fatigued themselves； or each other； by
talking on these occasions of battles and sieges； and hard weather
and hard service； and a thousand things belonging to a soldier's
life。 As to the great silver snuff…box which the King sent Joe
with his own hand； because of his conduct in the Riots； what guest
ever went to the Maypole without putting finger and thumb into that
box； and taking a great pinch； though he had never taken a pinch of
snuff before； and almost sneezed himself into convulsions even
then？ As to the purple…faced vintner； where is the man who lived
in those times and never saw HIM at the Maypole： to all appearance
as much at home in the best room； as if he lived there？ And as to
the feastings and christenings； and revellings at Christmas； and
celebrations of birthdays； wedding…days； and all manner of days；
both at the Maypole and the Golden Key；if they are not notorious；
what facts are？
Mr Willet the elder； having been by some extraordinary means
possessed with the idea that Joe wanted to be married； and that it
would be well for him； his father； to retire into private life； and
enable him to live in comfort； took up his abode in a small cottage
at Chigwell； where they widened and enlarged the fireplace for him；
hung up the boiler； and furthermore planted in the little garden
outside the front…door； a fictitious Maypole； so that he was quite
at home directly。 To this； his new habitation； Tom Cobb； Phil
Parkes； and Solomon Daisy went regularly every night： and in the
chimney…corner； they all four quaffed； and smoked； and prosed； and
dozed； as they had done of old。 It being accidentally discovered
after a short time that Mr Willet still appeared to consider
himself a landlord by profession； Joe provided him with a slate；
upon which the old man regularly scored up vast accounts for meat；
drink； and tobacco。 As he grew older this passion increased upon
him； and it became his delight to cha