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The tyrannical drug is still an anchor to windward： he hides
supplies of it among his clothing； arranges secretly to have it
smuggled in in case of need。 Even so an incompletely regenerate
man still trusts in his own expedients。 His money is like the
sleeping potion which the chronically wakeful patient keeps
beside his bed； he throws himself on God； but IF he should need
the other help； there it will be also。 Every one knows cases of
this incomplete and ineffective desire for reform…drunkards whom；
with all their self…reproaches and resolves； one perceives to be
quite unwilling seriously to contemplate NEVER being drunk again！
Really to give up anything on which we have relied； to give it up
definitely； 〃for good and all〃 and forever； signifies one of
those radical alterations of character which came under our
notice in the lectures on conversion。 In it the inner man rolls
over into an entirely different position of equilibrium； lives in
a new centre of energy from this time on； and the turning…point
and hinge of all such operations seems usually to involve the
sincere acceptance of certain nakednesses and destitutions。
Accordingly； throughout the annals of the saintly life； we find
this ever…recurring note： Fling yourself upon God's providence
without making any reserve whatevertake no thought for the
morrowsell all you have and give it to the pooronly when the
sacrifice is ruthless and reckless will the higher safety really
arrive。 As a concrete example let me read a page from the
biography of Antoinette Bourignon； a good woman； much persecuted
in her day by both Protestants and Catholics； because she would
not take her religion at second hand。 When a young girl； in her
father's house
〃She spent whole nights in prayer； oft repeating： Lord； what
wilt thou have me to do？ And being one night in a most profound
penitence； she said from the bottom of her heart： 'O my Lord！
What must I do to please thee？ For I have nobody to teach me。
Speak to my soul and it will hear thee。' At that instant she
heard； as if another had spoke within her： Forsake all earthly
things。 Separate thyself from the love of the creatures。 Deny
thyself。 She was quite astonished； not understanding this
language； and mused long on these three points； thinking how she
could fulfill them。 She thought she could not live without
earthly things； nor without loving the creatures； nor without
loving herself。 Yet she said； 'By thy Grace I will do it； Lord！'
But when she would perform her promise； she knew not where to
begin。 Having thought on the religious in monasteries； that they
forsook all earthly things by being shut up in a cloister； and
the love of themselves by subjecting of their wills； she asked
leave of her father to enter into a cloister of the barefoot
Carmelites； but he would not permit it； saying he would rather
see her laid in her grave。 This seemed to her a great cruelty；
for she thought to find in the cloister the true Christians she
had been seeking； but she found afterwards that he knew the
cloisters better than she； for after he had forbidden her； and
told her he would never permit her to be a religious； nor give
her any money to enter there； yet she went to Father Laurens； the
Director； and offered to serve in the monastery and work hard for
her bread； and be content with little； if he would receive her。
At which he smiled and said： That cannot be。 We must have money
to build； we take no maids without money； you must find the way
to get it； else there is no entry here。
〃This astonished her greatly； and she was thereby undeceived as
to the cloisters； resolving to forsake all company and live alone
till it should please God to show her what she ought to do and
whither to go。 She asked always earnestly； 'When shall I be
perfectly thine； O my God？' And she thought he still answered
her； When thou shalt no longer possess anything； and shalt die to
thyself。 'And where shall I do that； Lord？' He answered her； In
the desert。 This made so strong an impression on her soul that
she aspired after this； but being a maid of eighteen years only；
she was afraid of unlucky chances； and was never used to travel；
and knew no way。 She laid aside all these doubts and said；
'Lord； thou wilt guide me how and where it shall please thee。 It
is for thee that I do it。 I will lay aside my habit of a maid；
and will take that of a hermit that I may pass unknown。' Having
then secretly made ready this habit； while her parents thought to
have married her； her father having promised her to a rich French
merchant； she prevented the time； and on Easter evening； having
cut her hair； put on the habit； and slept a little； she went out
of her chamber about four in the morning； taking nothing but one
penny to buy bread for that day。 And it being said to her in
going out； Where is thy faith？ in a penny？ she threw it away；
begging pardon of God for her fault； and saying； 'No； Lord； my
faith is not in a penny； but in thee alone。' Thus she went away
wholly delivered from the heavy burthen of the cares and good
things of this world； and found her soul so satisfied that she no
longer wished for anything upon earth； resting entirely upon God；
with this only fear lest she should be discovered and be obliged
to return home； for she felt already more content in this poverty
than she had done for all her life in all the delights of the
world。〃＇196＇
＇196＇ An Apology for M。 Antonia Bourignon； London； 1699； pp。 269；
270； abridged。
Another example from Starbuck's MS。 collection：
〃At a meeting held at six the next morning； I heard a man relate
his experience。 He said： The Lord asked him if he would
confess Christ among the quarrymen with whom he worked； and he
said he would。 Then he asked him if he would give up to be used
of the Lord the four hundred dollars he had laid up； and he said
he would and thus the Lord saved him。 The thought came to me at
once that I had never made a real consecration either of myself
or of my property to the Lord； but had always tried to serve the
Lord in my way。 Now the Lord asked me if I would serve him in
HIS way； and go out alone and penniless if he so ordered。 The
question was pressed home； and I must decide： To forsake all and
have him； or have all and lose him！ I soon decided to take him；
and the blessed assurance came； that he had taken me for his own；
and my joy was full。 I returned home from the meeting with
feelings as simple as a child。 I tho