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would have seemed a last brutal indelicacy。 So I tried almost
furtively to keep my personal expenditure within the scope of the
private income I made by writing； and we went out together in her
motor brougham； dined and made appearances； met politely at
breakfastparted at night with a kiss upon her cheek。 The locking
of her door upon me； which at that time I quite understood； which I
understand now； became for a time in my mind； through some obscure
process of the soul； an offence。 I never crossed the landing to her
room again。
In all this matter； and； indeed； in all my relations with Margaret；
I perceive now I behaved badly and foolishly。 My manifest blunder
is that I； who was several years older than she； much subtler and in
many ways wiser； never in any measure sought to guide and control
her。 After our marriage I treated her always as an equal； and let
her go her way； held her responsible for all the weak and
ineffective and unfortunate things she said and did to me。 She
wasn't clever enough to justify that。 It wasn't fair to expect her
to sympathise； anticipate； and understand。 I ought to have taken
care of her； roped her to me when it came to crossing the difficult
places。 If I had loved her more； and wiselier and more tenderly； if
there had not been the consciousness of my financial dependence on
her always stiffening my pride； I think she would have moved with me
from the outset； and left the Liberals with me。 But she did not get
any inkling of the ends I sought in my change of sides。 It must
have seemed to her inexplicable perversity。 She had； I knewfor
surely I knew it thenan immense capacity for loyalty and devotion。
There she was with these treasures untouched； neglected and
perplexed。 A woman who loves wants to give。 It is the duty and
business of the man she has married for love to help her to help and
give。 But I was stupid。 My eyes had never been opened。 I was
stiff with her and difficult to her； because even on my wedding
morning there had been； deep down in my soul； voiceless though
present； something weakly protesting； a faint perception of wrong…
doing； the infinitesimally small； slow…multiplying germs of shame。
3
I made my breach with the party on the Budget。
In many ways I was disposed to regard the 1909 Budget as a fine
piece of statecraft。 Its production was certainly a very unexpected
display of vigour on the Liberal side。 But； on the whole； this
movement towards collectivist organisation on the part of the
Liberals rather strengthened than weakened my resolve to cross the
floor of the house。 It made it more necessary； I thought； to leaven
the purely obstructive and reactionary elements that were at once
manifest in the opposition。 I assailed the land taxation proposals
in one main speech； and a series of minor speeches in committee。
The line of attack I chose was that the land was a great public
service that needed to be controlled on broad and far…sighted lines。
I had no objection to its nationalisation； but I did object most
strenuously to the idea of leaving it in private hands； and
attempting to produce beneficial social results through the pressure
of taxation upon the land…owning class。 That might break it up in
an utterly disastrous way。 The drift of the government proposals
was all in the direction of sweating the landowner to get immediate
values from his property； and such a course of action was bound to
give us an irritated and vindictive land…owning class； the class
upon which we had hitherto reliednot unjustifiablyfor certain
broad； patriotic services and an influence upon our collective
judgments that no other class seemed prepared to exercise。 Abolish
landlordism if you will； I said； buy it out； but do not drive it to
a defensive fight； and leave it still sufficiently strong and
wealthy to become a malcontent element in your state。 You have
taxed and controlled the brewer and the publican until the outraged
Liquor Interest has become a national danger。 You now propose to do
the same thing on a larger scale。 You turn a class which has many
fine and truly aristocratic traditions towards revolt； and there is
nothing in these or any other of your proposals that shows any sense
of the need for leadership to replace these traditional leaders you
are ousting。 This was the substance of my case； and I hammered at
it not only in the House； but in the press。 。 。 。
The Kinghampstead division remained for some time insensitive to my
defection。
Then it woke up suddenly； and began； in the columns of the
KINGSHAMPSTEAD GUARDIAN； an indignant； confused outcry。 I was
treated to an open letter； signed Junius Secundus；〃 and I replied in
provocative terms。 There were two thinly attended public meetings
at different ends of the constituency； and then I had a
correspondence with my old friend Parvill； the photographer； which
ended in my seeing a deputation。
My impression is that it consisted of about eighteen or twenty
people。 They had had to come upstairs to me and they were
manifestly full of indignation and a little short of breath。 There
was Parvill himself； J。P。； dressed wholly in blackI think to mark
his sense of the occasionand curiously suggestive in his respect
for my character and his concern for the honourableness of the
KINGHAMPSTEAD GUARDIAN editor； of Mark Antony at the funeral of
Cesar。 There was Mrs。 Bulger； also in mourning； she had never
abandoned the widow's streamers since the death of her husband ten
years ago； and her loyalty to Liberalism of the severest type was
part as it were of her weeds。 There was a nephew of Sir Roderick
Newton； a bright young Hebrew of the graver type； and a couple of
dissenting ministers in high collars and hats that stopped halfway
between the bowler of this world and the shovel…hat of heaven。
There was also a young solicitor from Lurky done in the horsey
style； and there was a very little nervous man with a high brow and
a face contracting below as though the jawbones and teeth had been
taken out and the features compressed。 The rest of the deputation；
which included two other public…spirited ladies and several
ministers of religion； might have been raked out of any omnibus
going Strandward during the May meetings。 They thrust Parvill
forward as spokesman； and manifested a strong disposition to say
〃Hear； hear！〃 to his more strenuous protests provided my eye wasn't
upon them at the time。
I regarded this appalling deputation as Parvill's apologetic but
quite definite utterances drew to an end。 I had a moment of vision。
Behind them I saw the wonderful array of skeleton forces that stand
for public opinion； that are as much public opinion as exists indeed
at the present time。 The whole process of politics which bulks so
solidly in history seemed for that clairvoyant in