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I did not feel a bit like a lover； I felt like a burglar with the
safe…door nearly opened。 〃Come in；〃 I said almost impatiently； for
anyone might be in the passage； and I gripped her wrist and drew her
towards me。
〃What do you mean？〃 she answered with a faint smile on her lips； and
awkward and yielding。
I shut the door behind her； still holding her with one hand； then
turned upon hershe was laughing nervouslyand without a word drew
her to me and kissed her。 And I remember that as I kissed her she
made a little noise almost like the purring miaow with which a cat
will greet one and her face； close to mine； became solemn and
tender。
She was suddenly a different being from the discontented wife who
had tapped a moment since on my door； a woman transfigured。 。 。 。
That evening I came down to dinner a monster of pride； for behold！ I
was a man。 I felt myself the most wonderful and unprecedented of
adventurers。 It was hard to believe that any one in the world
before had done as much。 My mistress and I met smiling； we carried
things off admirably； and it seemed to me that Willersley was the
dullest old dog in the world。 I wanted to give him advice。 I
wanted to give him derisive pokes。 After dinner and coffee in the
lounge I was too excited and hilarious to go to bed； I made him come
with me down to the cafe under the arches by the pier； and there
drank beer and talked extravagant nonsense about everything under
the sun； in order not to talk about the happenings of the afternoon。
All the time something shouted within me： 〃I am a man！ I am a
man！〃 。 。 。
〃What shall we do to…morrow？〃 said he。
〃I'm for loafing；〃 I said。 〃Let's row in the morning and spend to…
morrow afternoon just as we did to…day。〃
〃They say the church behind the town is worth seeing。〃
〃We'll go up about sunset； that's the best time for it。 We can
start about five。〃
We heard music； and went further along the arcade to discover a
place where girls in operatic Swiss peasant costume were singing and
dancing on a creaking； protesting little stage。 I eyed their
generous display of pink neck and arm with the seasoned eye of a man
who has lived in the world。 Life was perfectly simple and easy； I
felt； if one took it the right way。
Next day Willersley wanted to go on； but I delayed。 Altogether I
kept him back four days。 Then abruptly my mood changed； and we
decided to start early the following morning。 I remember； though a
little indistinctly； the feeling of my last talk with that woman
whose surname； odd as it may seem； either I never learnt or I have
forgotten。 （Her christian name was Milly。） She was tired and
rather low…spirited； and disposed to be sentimental； and for the
first time in our intercourse I found myself liking her for the sake
of her own personality。 There was something kindly and generous
appearing behind the veil of naive and uncontrolled sensuality she
had worn。 There was a curious quality of motherliness in her
attitude to me that something in my nature answered and approved。
She didn't pretend to keep it up that she had yielded to my
initiative。 〃I've done you no harm；〃 she said a little doubtfully；
an odd note for a man's victim！ And； 〃we've had a good time。 You
have liked me； haven't you？〃
She interested me in her lonely dissatisfied life； she was childless
and had no hope of children； and her husband was the only son of a
rich meat salesman； very mean； a mighty smoker〃he reeks of it；〃
she said； 〃always〃and interested in nothing but golf； billiards
（which he played very badly）； pigeon shooting； convivial Free
Masonry and Stock Exchange punting。 Mostly they drifted about the
Riviera。 Her mother had contrived her marriage when she was
eighteen。 They were the first samples I ever encountered of the
great multitude of functionless property owners which encumbers
modern civilisationbut at the time I didn't think much of that
aspect of them。 。 。 。
I tell all this business as it happened without comment； because I
have no comment to make。 It was all strange to me； strange rather
than wonderful； and； it may be； some dream of beauty died for ever
in those furtive meetings； it happened to me； and I could scarcely
have been more irresponsible in the matter or controlled events less
if I had been suddenly pushed over a cliff into water。 I swam； of
coursefinding myself in it。 Things tested me； and I reacted； as I
have told。 The bloom of my innocence； if ever there had been such a
thing； was gone。 And here is the remarkable thing about it； at the
time and for some days I was over…weeningly proud； I have never been
so proud before or since； I felt I had been promoted to virility； I
was unable to conceal my exultation from Willersley。 It was a mood
of shining shameless ungracious self…approval。 As he and I went
along in the cool morning sunshine by the rice fields in the throat
of the Val Maggia a silence fell between us。
〃You know？〃 I said abruptly；〃about that woman？〃
Willersley did not answer for a moment。 He looked at me over the
corner of his spectacles。
〃Things went pretty far？〃 he asked。
〃Oh！ all the way！〃 and I had a twinge of fatuous pride in my
unpremeditated achievement。
〃She came to your room？〃
I nodded。
〃I heard her。 I heard her whispering。 。 。 。 The whispering and
rustling and so on。 I was in my room yesterday。 。 。 。 Any one
might have heard you。〃
I went on with my head in the air。
〃You might have been caught； and that would have meant endless
trouble。 You might have incurred all sorts of consequences。 What
did you know about her？ 。 。 。 We have wasted four days in that hot
close place。 When we found that League of Social Service we were
talking about；〃 he said with a determined eye upon me； 〃chastity
will be first among the virtues prescribed。〃
〃I shall form a rival league；〃 I said a little damped。 〃I'm hanged
if I give up a single desire in me until I know why。〃
He lifted his chin and stared before him through his glasses at
nothing。 〃There are some things；〃 he said； 〃that a man who means to
workto do great public servicesMUST turn his back upon。 I'm not
discussing the rights or wrongs of this sort of thing。 It happens
to be the conditions we work under。 It will probably always be so。
If you want to experiment in that way； if you want even to discuss
it；out you go from political life。 You must know that's so。 。 。 。
You're a strange man； Remington； with a kind of kink in you。 You've
a sort of force。 You might happen to do immense things。 。 。 。
Only〃
He stopped。 He had said all that he had forced himself to say。
〃I mean to take myself as I am；〃 I said。 〃I'm going to get
experience for humanity out of all my talentsand bury nothing。〃
Willersley twisted his face to its humorous ex