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is very hardperhaps it is impossibleto present in a page or two
the substance and quality of nearly a month's conversation；
conversation that is casual and discursive in form； that ranges
carelessly from triviality to immensity； and yet is constantly
resuming a constructive process； as workmen on a wall loiter and
jest and go and come back； and all the while build。
We got it more and more definite that the core of our purpose
beneath all its varied aspects must needs be order and discipline。
〃Muddle；〃 said I； 〃is the enemy。〃 That remains my belief to this
day。 Clearness and order； light and foresight； these things I know
for Good。 It was muddle had just given us all the still freshly
painful disasters and humiliations of the war； muddle that gives us
the visibly sprawling disorder of our cities and industrial country…
side； muddle that gives us the waste of life； the limitations；
wretchedness and unemployment of the poor。 Muddle！ I remember
myself quoting Kipling
〃All along o' dirtiness； all along o' mess；
All along o' doin' things rather…more…or…less。〃
〃We build the state；〃 we said over and over again。 〃That is what we
are forservants of the new reorganisation！〃
We planned half in earnest and half Utopianising； a League of Social
Service。
We talked of the splendid world of men that might grow out of such
unpaid and ill…paid work as we were setting our faces to do。 We
spoke of the intricate difficulties； the monstrous passive
resistances； the hostilities to such a development as we conceived
our work subserved； and we spoke with that underlying confidence in
the invincibility of the causes we adopted that is natural to young
and scarcely tried men。
We talked much of the detailed life of politics so far as it was
known to us； and there Willersley was more experienced and far
better informed than I； we discussed possible combinations and
possible developments； and the chances of some great constructive
movement coming from the heart…searchings the Boer war had
occasioned。 We would sink to gossipeven at the Suetonius level。
Willersley would decline towards illuminating anecdotes that I
capped more or less loosely from my private reading。 We were
particularly wise； I remember； upon the management of newspapers；
because about that we knew nothing whatever。 We perceived that
great things were to be done through newspapers。 We talked of
swaying opinion and moving great classes to massive action。
Men are egotistical even in devotion。 All our splendid projects
were thickset with the first personal pronoun。 We both could write；
and all that we said in general terms was reflected in the
particular in our minds； it was ourselves we saw； and no others；
writing and speaking that moving word。 We had already produced
manuscript and passed the initiations of proof reading； I had been a
frequent speaker in the Union； and Willersley was an active man on
the School Board。 Our feet were already on the lower rungs that led
up and up。 He was six and twenty； and I twenty…two。 We intimated
our individual careers in terms of bold expectation。 I had
prophetic glimpses of walls and hoardings clamorous with 〃Vote for
Remington；〃 and Willersley no doubt saw himself chairman of this
committee and that； saying a few slightly ironical words after the
declaration of the poll； and then sitting friendly beside me on the
government benches。 There was nothing impossible in such dreams。
Why not the Board of Education for him？ My preference at that time
wavered between the Local Government BoardI had great ideas about
town…planning； about revisions of municipal areas and re…organised
internal transitand the War Office。 I swayed strongly towards the
latter as the journey progressed。 My educational bias came later。
The swelling ambitions that have tramped over Alpine passes！ How
many of them； like mine； have come almost within sight of
realisation before they failed？
There were times when we posed like young gods （of unassuming
exterior）； and times when we were full of the absurdest little
solicitudes about our prospects。 There were times when one surveyed
the whole world of men as if it was a little thing at one's feet；
and by way of contrast I remember once lying in bedit must have
been during this holiday； though I cannot for the life of me fix
whereand speculating whether perhaps some day I might not be a
K。 C。 B。； Sir Richard Remington； K。 C。 B。； M。 P。
But the big style prevailed。 。 。 。
We could not tell from minute to minute whether we were planning for
a world of solid reality； or telling ourselves fairy tales about
this prospect of life。 So much seemed possible； and everything we
could think of so improbable。 There were lapses when it seemed to
me I could never be anything but just the entirely unimportant and
undistinguished young man I was for ever and ever。 I couldn't even
think of myself as five and thirty。
Once I remember Willersley going over a list of failures； and why
they had failedbut young men in the twenties do not know much
about failures。
10
Willersley and I professed ourselves Socialists； but by this time I
knew my Rodbertus as well as my Marx； and there was much in our
socialism that would have shocked Chris Robinson as much as anything
in life could have shocked him。 Socialism as a simple democratic
cry we had done with for ever。 We were socialists because
Individualism for us meant muddle； meant a crowd of separated；
undisciplined little people all obstinately and ignorantly doing
things jarringly； each one in his own way。 〃Each；〃 I said quoting
words of my father's that rose apt in my memory； 〃snarling from his
own little bit of property； like a dog tied to a cart's tail。〃
〃Essentially；〃 said Willersley； 〃essentially we're for conscription；
in peace and war alike。 The man who owns property is a public
official and has to behave as such。 That's the gist of socialism as
I understand it。〃
〃Or be dismissed from his post；〃 I said； 〃 and replaced by some
better sort of official。 A man's none the less an official because
he's irresponsible。 What he does with his property affects people
just the same。 Private！ No one is really private but an outlaw。 。 。 。
Order and devotion were the very essence of our socialism； and a
splendid collective vigour and happiness its end。 We projected an
ideal state； an organised state as confident and powerful as modern
science； as balanced and beautiful as a body； as beneficent as
sunshine； the organised state that should end muddle for ever； it
ruled all our ideals and gave form to all our ambitions。
Every man was to be definitely related to that； to have his
predominant duty to that。 Such was the England renewed we had in
mind； and how to serve that end； to subdue un