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step further； I too am an exile。 Office and leading are closed to
me。 The political career that promised so much for me is shattered
and ended for ever。
I look out from this vine…wreathed veranda under the branches of a
stone pine； I see wide and far across a purple valley whose sides
are terraced and set with houses of pine and ivory； the Gulf of
Liguria gleaming sapphire blue； and cloud…like baseless mountains
hanging in the sky； and I think of lank and coaly steamships heaving
on the grey rollers of the English Channel and darkling streets wet
with rain； I recall as if I were back there the busy exit from
Charing Cross； the cross and the money…changers' offices； the
splendid grime of giant London and the crowds going perpetually to
and fro； the lights by night and the urgency and eventfulness of
that great rain…swept heart of the modern world。
It is difficult to think we have left thatfor many years if not
for ever。 In thought I walk once more in Palace Yard and hear the
clink and clatter of hansoms and the quick quiet whirr of motors； I
go in vivid recent memories through the stir in the lobbies； I sit
again at eventful dinners in those old dining…rooms like cellars
below the Housedinners that ended with shrill division bells； I
think of huge clubs swarming and excited by the bulletins of that
electoral battle that was for me the opening opportunity。 I see the
stencilled names and numbers go up on the green baize； constituency
after constituency； amidst murmurs or loud shouting。 。 。 。
It is over for me now and vanished。 That opportunity will come no
more。 Very probably you have heard already some crude inaccurate
version of our story and why I did not take office； and have formed
your partial judgement on me。 And so it is I sit now at my stone
table； half out of life already； in a warm； large； shadowy leisure；
splashed with sunlight and hung with vine tendrils； with paper
before me to distil such wisdom as I can； as Machiavelli in his
exile sought to do； from the things I have learnt and felt during
the career that has ended now in my divorce。
I climbed high and fast from small beginnings。 I had the mind of my
party。 I do not know where I might not have ended； but for this red
blaze that came out of my unguarded nature and closed my career for
ever。
CHAPTER THE SECOND
BROMSTEAD AND MY FATHER
1
I dreamt first of states and cities and political things when I was
a little boy in knickerbockers。
When I think of how such things began in my mind； there comes back
to me the memory of an enormous bleak room with its ceiling going up
to heaven and its floor covered irregularly with patched and
defective oilcloth and a dingy mat or so and a 〃surround〃 as they
call it； of dark stained wood。 Here and there against the wall are
trunks and boxes。 There are cupboards on either side of the
fireplace and bookshelves with books above them； and on the wall and
rather tattered is a large yellow…varnished geological map of the
South of England。 Over the mantel is a huge lump of white coral
rock and several big fossil bones； and above that hangs the portrait
of a brainy gentleman； sliced in half and displaying an interior of
intricate detail and much vigour of coloring。 It is the floor I
think of chiefly； over the oilcloth of which； assumed to be land；
spread towns and villages and forts of wooden bricks； there are
steep square hills （geologically； volumes of Orr's CYCLOPAEDIA OF
THE SCIENCES） and the cracks and spaces of the floor and the bare
brown surround were the water channels and open sea of that
continent of mine。
I still remember with infinite gratitude the great…uncle to whom I
owe my bricks。 He must have been one of those rare adults who have
not forgotten the chagrins and dreams of childhood。 He was a
prosperous west of England builder； including my father he had three
nephews； and for each of them he caused a box of bricks to be made
by an out…of…work carpenter； not the insufficient supply of the
toyshop； you understand； but a really adequate quantity of bricks
made out of oak and shaped and smoothed； bricks about five inches by
two and a half by one； and half…bricks and quarter…bricks to
correspond。 There were hundreds of them； many hundreds。 I could
build six towers as high as myself with them； and there seemed quite
enough for every engineering project I could undertake。 I could
build whole towns with streets and houses and churches and citadels；
I could bridge every gap in the oilcloth and make causeways over
crumpled spaces （which I feigned to be morasses）； and on a keel of
whole bricks it was possible to construct ships to push over the
high seas to the remotest port in the room。 And a disciplined
population； that rose at last by sedulous begging on birthdays and
all convenient occasions to well over two hundred； of lead sailors
and soldiers； horse； foot and artillery； inhabited this world。
Justice has never been done to bricks and soldiers by those who
write about toys。 The praises of the toy theatre have been a common
theme for essayists； the planning of the scenes； the painting and
cutting out of the caste； penny plain twopence coloured； the stink
and glory of the performance and the final conflagration。 I had
such a theatre once； but I never loved it nor hoped for much from
it； my bricks and soldiers were my perpetual drama。 I recall an
incessant variety of interests。 There was the mystery and charm of
the complicated buildings one could make； with long passages and
steps and windows through which one peeped into their intricacies；
and by means of slips of card one could make slanting ways in them；
and send marbles rolling from top to base and thence out into the
hold of a waiting ship。 Then there were the fortresses and gun
emplacements and covered ways in which one's soldiers went。 And
there was commerce； the shops and markets and store…rooms full of
nasturtium seed； thrift seed； lupin beans and suchlike provender
from the garden； such stuff one stored in match…boxes and pill…
boxes； or packed in sacks of old glove fingers tied up with thread
and sent off by waggons along the great military road to the
beleaguered fortress on the Indian frontier beyond the worn places
that were dismal swamps。 And there were battles on the way。
That great road is still clear in my memory。 I was given； I forget
by what benefactor； certain particularly fierce red Indians of lead
I have never seen such soldiers sinceand for these my father
helped me to make tepees of brown paper； and I settled them in a
hitherto desolate country under the frowning nail…studded cliffs of
an ancient trunk。 Then I conquered them and garrisoned their land。
（Alas！ they died； no doubt through contact with civilisationone my
mother trod onand their land became a wilder