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shown Mrs。 Parker that under his apparent carelessness he was as vigilant
as a woman。
The door banged。 She took her brushes and cloths into the bedroom。
But when she began to make the bed； smoothing； tucking； patting； the
thought of little Lennie was unbearable。 Why did he have to suffer so？
That's what she couldn't understand。 Why should a little angel child have
to arsk for his breath and fight for it？ There was no sense in making a
child suffer like that。
。。。From Lennie's little box of a chest there came a sound as though
something was boiling。 There was a great lump of something bubbling
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in his chest that he couldn't get rid of。 When he coughed the sweat
sprang out on his head； his eyes bulged； his hands waved； and the great
lump bubbled as a potato knocks in a saucepan。 But what was more
awful than all was when he didn't cough he sat against the pillow and
never spoke or answered； or even made as if he heard。 Only he looked
offended。
〃It's not your poor old gran's doing it； my lovey；〃 said old Ma Parker；
patting back the damp hair from his little scarlet ears。 But Lennie moved
his head and edged away。 Dreadfully offended with her he lookedand
solemn。 He bent his head and looked at her sideways as though he
couldn't have believed it of his gran。
But at the last。。。Ma Parker threw the counterpane over the bed。 No；
she simply couldn't think about it。 It was too muchshe'd had too much
in her life to bear。 She'd borne it up till now； she'd kept herself to herself；
and never once had she been seen to cry。 Never by a living soul。 Not
even her own children had seen Ma break down。 She'd kept a proud face
always。 But now！ Lennie gonewhat had she？ She had nothing。 He
was all she'd got from life； and now he was took too。 Why must it all
have happened to me？ she wondered。 〃What have I done？〃 said old Ma
Parker。 〃What have I done？〃
As she said those words she suddenly let fall her brush。 She found
herself in the kitchen。 Her misery was so terrible that she pinned on her
hat； put on her jacket and walked out of the flat like a person in a dream。
She did not know what she was doing。 She was like a person so dazed
by the horror of what has happened that he walks awayanywhere； as
though by walking away he could escape。。。
It was cold in the street。 There was a wind like ice。 People went
flitting by； very fast； the men walked like scissors； the women trod like
cats。 And nobody knewnobody cared。 Even if she broke down； if at
last； after all these years； she were to cry； she'd find herself in the lock…up
as like as not。
But at the thought of crying it was as though little Lennie leapt in his
gran's arms。 Ah； that's what she wants to do； my dove。 Gran wants to
cry。 If she could only cry now； cry for a long time； over everything；
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beginning with her first place and the cruel cook； going on to the doctor's；
and then the seven little ones； death of her husband； the children's leaving
her； and all the years of misery that led up to Lennie。 But to have a
proper cry over all these things would take a long time。 All the same； the
time for it had come。 She must do it。 She couldn't put it off any longer；
she couldn't wait any more。。。Where could she go？
〃She's had a hard life； has Ma Parker。〃 Yes； a hard life； indeed！ Her
chin began to tremble； there was no time to lose。 But where？ Where？
She couldn't go home； Ethel was there。 It would frighten Ethel out of
her life。 She couldn't sit on a bench anywhere； people would come
arsking her questions。 She couldn't possibly go back to the gentleman's
flat； she had no right to cry in strangers' houses。 If she sat on some steps
a policeman would speak to her。
Oh； wasn't there anywhere where she could hide and keep herself to
herself and stay as long as she liked； not disturbing anybody； and nobody
worrying her？ Wasn't there anywhere in the world where she could have
her cry out at last？
Ma Parker stood； looking up and down。 The icy wind blew out her
apron into a balloon。 And now it began to rain。 There was nowhere。
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7。 MARRIAGE A LA MODE。
On his way to the station William remembered with a fresh pang of
disappointment that he was taking nothing down to the kiddies。 Poor
little chaps！ It was hard lines on them。 Their first words always were
as they ran to greet him； 〃What have you got for me； daddy？〃 and he had
nothing。 He would have to buy them some sweets at the station。 But
that was what he had done for the past four Saturdays； their faces had
fallen last time when they saw the same old boxes produced again。
And Paddy had said； 〃I had red ribbing on mine bee…fore！〃
And Johnny had said； 〃It's always pink on mine。 I hate pink。〃
But what was William to do？ The affair wasn't so easily settled。 In
the old days； of course； he would have taken a taxi off to a decent toyshop
and chosen them something in five minutes。 But nowadays they had
Russian toys； French toys； Serbian toystoys from God knows where。 It
was over a year since Isabel had scrapped the old donkeys and engines and
so on because they were so 〃dreadfully sentimental〃 and 〃so appallingly
bad for the babies' sense of form。〃
〃It's so important；〃 the new Isabel had explained； 〃that they should like
the right things from the very beginning。 It saves so much time later on。
Really； if the poor pets have to spend their infant years staring at these
horrors； one can imagine them growing up and asking to be taken to the
Royal Academy。〃
And she spoke as though a visit to the Royal Academy was certain