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but which missed it； and hit him on the nose； causing a terrible
effusion of blood。 Now； who or what fearful apparition was
inflicting this punishment on the poor fellow remained an
impenetrable mystery to me。 The blows were given by a person of
grisly aspect； with a head almost bald； and sunken cheeks；
apparently of the feminine gender； though hardly to be classed in
the gentler sex。 There being no teeth to modulate the voice； it
had a mumbled fierceness； not passionate； but stern； which
absolutely made me quiver like calf's…foot jelly。 Who could the
phantom be？ The most awful circumstance of the affair is yet to
be told： for this ogre； or whatever it was； had a riding habit
like Mrs。 Bullfrog's； and also a green silk calash dangling down
her back by the strings。 In my terror and turmoil of mind I could
imagine nothing less than that the Old Nick； at the moment of our
overturn； had annihilated my wife and jumped into her petticoats。
This idea seemed the most probable； since I could nowhere
perceive Mrs。 Bullfrog alive； nor； though I looked very sharply
about the coach； could I detect any traces of that beloved
woman's dead body。 There would have been a comfort in giving her
Christian burial。
〃Come； sir； bestir yourself！ Help this rascal to set up the
coach；〃 sai the hobgoblin to me； then； with a terrific screech at
three countrymen at a distance； 〃Here； you fellows； ain't you
ashamed to stand off when a poor woman is in distress？〃
The countrymen； instead of fleeing for their lives； came running
at full speed； and laid hold of the topsy…turvy coach。 I； also；
though a small…sized man； went to work like a son of Anak。 The
coachman； too； with the blood still streaming from his nose；
tugged and toiled most manfully； dreading； doubtless； that the
next blow might break his head。 And yet； bemauled as the poor
fellow had been； he seemed to glance at me with an eye of pity；
as if my case were more deplorable than his。 But I cherished a
hope that all would turn out a dream； and seized the opportunity；
as we raised the coach； to jam two of my fingers under the wheel；
trusting that the pain would awaken me。
〃Why； here we are； all to rights again！〃 exclaimed a sweet voice
behind。 〃Thank you for your assistance； gentlemen。 My dear Mr。
Bullfrog； how you perspire！ Do let me wipe your face。 Don't take
this little accident too much to heart； good driver。 We ought to
be thankful that none of our necks are broken。〃
〃We might have spared one neck out of the three；〃 muttered the
driver； rubbing his ear and pulling his nose； to ascertain
whether he had been cuffed or not。 〃Why； the woman's a witch！〃
I fear that the reader will not believe； yet it is positively a
fact； that there stood Mrs。 Bullfrog； with her glossy ringlets
curling on her brow； and two rows of orient pearls gleaming
between her parted lips； which wore a most angelic smile。 She had
regained her riding habit and calash from the grisly phantom； and
was； in all respects； the lovely woman who had been sitting by my
side at the instant of our overturn。 How she had happened to
disappear； and who had supplied her place； and whence she did now
return； were problems too knotty for me to solve。 There stood my
wife。 That was the one thing certain among a heap of mysteries。
Nothing remained but to help her into the coach； and plod on；
through the journey of the day and the journey of life； as
comfortably as we could。 As the driver closed the door upon us； I
heard him whisper to the three countrymen；〃How do you suppose a
fellow feels shut up in the cage with a she tiger？〃
Of course this query could have no reference to my situation。
Yet； unreasonable as it may appear； I confess that my feelings
were not altogether so ecstatic as when I first called Mrs。
Bullfrog mine。 True； she was a sweet woman and an angel of a
wife； but what if a Gorgon should return； amid the transports of
our connubial bliss； and take the angel's place。 I recollected
the tale of a fairy； who half the time was a beautiful woman and
half the time a hideous monster。 Had I taken that very fairy to
be the wife of my bosom？ While such whims and chimeras were
flitting across my fancy I began to look askance at Mrs。
Bullfrog； almost expecting that the transformation would be
wrought before my eyes。
To divert my mind； I took up the newspaper which had covered the
little basket of refreshments； and which now lay at the bottom of
the coach； blushing with a deep…red stain and emitting a potent
spirituous fume from the contents of the broken bottle of
Kalydor。 The paper was two or three years old； but contained an
article of several columns； in which I soon grew wonderfully
interested。 It was the report of a trial for breach of promise of
marriage； giving the testimony in full； with fervid extracts from
both the gentleman's and lady's amatory correspondence。 The
deserted damsel had personally appeared in court； and had borne
energetic evidence to her lover's perfidy and the strength of her
blighted affections。 On the defendant's part there had been an
attempt； though insufficiently sustained； to blast the
plaintiff's character； and a plea； in mitigation of damages； on
account of her unamiable temper。 A horrible idea was suggested by
the lady's name。
〃Madam；〃 said I； holding the newspaper before Mrs。 Bullfrog's
eyes；and； though a small； delicate； and thin…visaged man； I
feel assured that I looked very terrific；〃madam；〃 repeated I；
through my shut teeth； 〃were you the plaintiff in this cause？〃
〃Oh； my dear Mr。 Bullfrog；〃 replied my wife； sweetly； 〃I thought
all the world knew that！〃
〃Horror！ horror！〃 exclaimed I； sinking back on the seat。
Covering my face with both hands； I emitted a deep and deathlike
groan； as if my tormented soul were rending me asunderI； the
most exquisitely fastidious of men； and whose wife was to have
been the most delicate and refined of women； with all the fresh
dew…drops glittering on her virgin rosebud of a heart！
I thought of the glossy ringlets and pearly teeth； I thought of
the Kalydor； I thought of the coachman's bruised ear and bloody
nose； I thought of the tender love secrets which she had
whispered to the judge and jury and a thousand tittering
auditors；and gave another groan！
〃Mr。 Bullfrog；〃 said my wife。
As I made no reply； she gently took my hands within her own；
removed them from my face； and fixed her eyes steadfastly on
mine。
〃Mr。 Bullfrog；〃 said she； not unkindly； yet with all the decision
of her strong character； 〃let me advise you to overcome this
foolish weakness； and prove yourself； to the best of your
ability； as good a husband as I will be a wife。 You have
discovered； perhaps； some little imperfections in your bride。
Well； what did you expect？ Women are not angels。 If they were；
they would go to heaven for husbands； or； at least； be more
difficult in their choice on earth。〃
〃But why conceal tho