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had held high and full to the brim that now; even before speaking;
I felt overflow in a deluge。 〃I'll tell you if you'll tell ME〃
I heard myself say; then heard the tremor in which it broke。
〃Well; what?〃
Mrs。 Grose's suspense blazed at me; but it was too late now;
and I brought the thing out handsomely。 〃Where; my pet;
is Miss Jessel?〃
XX
Just as in the churchyard with Miles; the whole thing was upon us。
Much as I had made of the fact that this name had never once;
between us; been sounded; the quick; smitten glare with
which the child's face now received it fairly likened
my breach of the silence to the smash of a pane of glass。
It added to the interposing cry; as if to stay the blow;
that Mrs。 Grose; at the same instant; uttered over my violence
the shriek of a creature scared; or rather wounded; which; in turn;
within a few seconds; was completed by a gasp of my own。
I seized my colleague's arm。 〃She's there; she's there!〃
Miss Jessel stood before us on the opposite bank exactly as she
had stood the other time; and I remember; strangely; as the
first feeling now produced in me; my thrill of joy at having
brought on a proof。 She was there; and I was justified;
she was there; and I was neither cruel nor mad。
She was there for poor scared Mrs。 Grose; but she was there
most for Flora; and no moment of my monstrous time was perhaps
so extraordinary as that in which I consciously threw out to her
with the sense that; pale and ravenous demon as she was; she would
catch and understand itan inarticulate message of gratitude。
She rose erect on the spot my friend and I had lately quitted;
and there was not; in all the long reach of her desire;
an inch of her evil that fell short。 This first vividness
of vision and emotion were things of a few seconds;
during which Mrs。 Grose's dazed blink across to where I pointed
struck me as a sovereign sign that she too at last saw;
just as it carried my own eyes precipitately to the child。
The revelation then of the manner in which Flora was affected
startled me; in truth; far more than it would have done to find
her also merely agitated; for direct dismay was of course not
what I had expected。 Prepared and on her guard as our pursuit
had actually made her; she would repress every betrayal;
and I was therefore shaken; on the spot; by my first
glimpse of the particular one for which I had not allowed。
To see her; without a convulsion of her small pink face; not even
feign to glance in the direction of the prodigy I announced;
but only; instead of that; turn at ME an expression of hard;
still gravity; an expression absolutely new and unprecedented
and that appeared to read and accuse and judge me
this was a stroke that somehow converted the little girl
herself into the very presence that could make me quail。
I quailed even though my certitude that she thoroughly saw
was never greater than at that instant; and in the immediate
need to defend myself I called it passionately to witness。
〃She's there; you little unhappy thingthere; there; THERE;
and you see her as well as you see me!〃 I had said shortly
before to Mrs。 Grose that she was not at these times a child;
but an old; old woman; and that description of her could not
have been more strikingly confirmed than in the way in which;
for all answer to this; she simply showed me; without a concession;
an admission; of her eyes; a countenance of deeper and deeper;
of indeed suddenly quite fixed; reprobation。 I was by this time
if I can put the whole thing at all togethermore appalled
at what I may properly call her manner than at anything else;
though it was simultaneously with this that I became aware
of having Mrs。 Grose also; and very formidably; to reckon with。
My elder companion; the next moment; at any rate; blotted out
everything but her own flushed face and her loud; shocked protest;
a burst of high disapproval。 〃What a dreadful turn;
to be sure; miss! Where on earth do you see anything?〃
I could only grasp her more quickly yet; for even while she
spoke the hideous plain presence stood undimmed and undaunted。
It had already lasted a minute; and it lasted while I continued;
seizing my colleague; quite thrusting her at it and presenting her to it;
to insist with my pointing hand。 〃You don't see her exactly as WE see?
you mean to say you don't nowNOW? She's as big as a blazing fire!
Only look; dearest woman; LOOK!〃 She looked; even as I did;
and gave me; with her deep groan of negation; repulsion; compassion
the mixture with her pity of her relief at her exemptiona sense;
touching to me even then; that she would have backed me up if she could。
I might well have needed that; for with this hard blow of the proof that
her eyes were hopelessly sealed I felt my own situation horribly crumble;
I feltI sawmy livid predecessor press; from her position; on my defeat;
and I was conscious; more than all; of what I should have from this
instant to deal with in the astounding little attitude of Flora。
Into this attitude Mrs。 Grose immediately and violently entered;
breaking; even while there pierced through my sense of ruin a prodigious
private triumph; into breathless reassurance。
〃She isn't there; little lady; and nobody's thereand you never see nothing;
my sweet! How can poor Miss Jesselwhen poor Miss Jessel's dead and buried?
WE know; don't we; love?and she appealed; blundering in; to the child。
〃It's all a mere mistake and a worry and a jokeand we'll go home as fast
as we can!〃
Our companion; on this; had responded with a strange;
quick primness of propriety; and they were again; with Mrs。 Grose
on her feet; united; as it were; in pained opposition to me。
Flora continued to fix me with her small mask of reprobation;
and even at that minute I prayed God to forgive me for seeming
to see that; as she stood there holding tight to our friend's dress;
her incomparable childish beauty had suddenly failed;
had quite vanished。 I've said it alreadyshe was literally;
she was hideously; hard; she had turned common and almost ugly。
〃I don't know what you mean。 I see nobody。 I see nothing。
I never HAVE。 I think you're cruel。 I don't like you!〃
Then; after this deliverance; which might have been that of a
vulgarly pert little girl in the street; she hugged Mrs。 Grose
more closely and buried in her skirts the dreadful little face。
In this position she produced an almost furious wail。
〃Take me away; take me awayoh; take me away from HER!〃
〃From ME?〃 I panted。
〃From youfrom you!〃 she cried。
Even Mrs。 Grose looked across at me dismayed; while I had
nothing to do but communicate again with the figure that;
on the opposite bank; without a movement; as rigidly still
as if catching; beyond the interval; our voices; was as vividly
there for my disaster as it was not there for my service。
The wretched child had spoken exactly as if she had got from