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a foolish face。 〃You； miss。〃
〃By writing to him that his house is poisoned and his little
nephew and niece mad？〃
〃But if they ARE； miss？〃
〃And if I am myself； you mean？ That's charming news to be sent him
by a governess whose prime undertaking was to give him no worry。〃
Mrs。 Grose considered； following the children again。 〃Yes； he do hate worry。
That was the great reason〃
〃Why those fiends took him in so long？ No doubt； though his
indifference must have been awful。 As I'm not a fiend；
at any rate； I shouldn't take him in。〃
My companion； after an instant and for all answer； sat down again
and grasped my arm。 〃Make him at any rate come to you。〃
I stared。 〃To ME？〃 I had a sudden fear of what she might do。 〃'Him'？〃
〃He ought to BE herehe ought to help。〃
I quickly rose； and I think I must have shown her a queerer face
than ever yet。 〃You see me asking him for a visit？〃 No； with her
eyes on my face she evidently couldn't。 Instead of it even
as a woman reads anothershe could see what I myself saw：
his derision； his amusement； his contempt for the breakdown
of my resignation at being left alone and for the fine machinery I
had set in motion to attract his attention to my slighted charms。
She didn't knowno one knewhow proud I had been to serve
him and to stick to our terms； yet she nonetheless took
the measure； I think； of the warning I now gave her。
〃If you should so lose your head as to appeal to him for me〃
She was really frightened。 〃Yes； miss？〃
〃I would leave； on the spot； both him and you。〃
XIII
It was all very well to join them； but speaking to them proved
quite as much as ever an effort beyond my strengthoffered；
in close quarters； difficulties as insurmountable as before。
This situation continued a month； and with new aggravations
and particular notes； the note above all； sharper and sharper；
of the small ironic consciousness on the part of my pupils。
It was not； I am as sure today as I was sure then； my mere
infernal imagination： it was absolutely traceable that they
were aware of my predicament and that this strange relation made；
in a manner； for a long time； the air in which we moved。
I don't mean that they had their tongues in their cheeks or did
anything vulgar； for that was not one of their dangers：
I do mean； on the other hand； that the element of the unnamed
and untouched became； between us； greater than any other；
and that so much avoidance could not have been so successfully
effected without a great deal of tacit arrangement。
It was as if； at moments； we were perpetually coming into sight
of subjects before which we must stop short； turning suddenly
out of alleys that we perceived to be blind； closing with a little
bang that made us look at each otherfor； like all bangs；
it was something louder than we had intendedthe doors we
had indiscreetly opened。 All roads lead to Rome； and there
were times when it might have struck us that almost every branch
of study or subject of conversation skirted forbidden ground。
Forbidden ground was the question of the return of the dead
in general and of whatever； in especial； might survive；
in memory； of the friends little children had lost。
There were days when I could have sworn that one of them had；
with a small invisible nudge； said to the other：
〃She thinks she'll do it this timebut she WON'T！〃 To 〃do it〃
would have been to indulge for instanceand for once in a way
in some direct reference to the lady who had prepared them for
my discipline。 They had a delightful endless appetite for passages
in my own history； to which I had again and again treated them；
they were in possession of everything that had ever happened to me；
had had； with every circumstance the story of my smallest adventures
and of those of my brothers and sisters and of the cat and the dog
at home； as well as many particulars of the eccentric nature
of my father； of the furniture and arrangement of our house；
and of the conversation of the old women of our village。
There were things enough； taking one with another； to chatter about；
if one went very fast and knew by instinct when to go round。
They pulled with an art of their own the strings of my invention
and my memory； and nothing else perhaps； when I thought
of such occasions afterward； gave me so the suspicion of being
watched from under cover。 It was in any case over MY life；
MY past； and MY friends alone that we could take anything
like our easea state of affairs that led them sometimes without
the least pertinence to break out into sociable reminders。
I was invitedwith no visible connectionto repeat afresh
Goody Gosling's celebrated mot or to confirm the details
already supplied as to the cleverness of the vicarage pony。
It was partly at such junctures as these and partly at quite
different ones that； with the turn my matters had now taken；
my predicament； as I have called it； grew most sensible。
The fact that the days passed for me without another encounter ought；
it would have appeared； to have done something toward soothing my nerves。
Since the light brush； that second night on the upper landing；
of the presence of a woman at the foot of the stair； I had seen nothing；
whether in or out of the house； that one had better not have seen。
There was many a corner round which I expected to come upon Quint；
and many a situation that； in a merely sinister way； would have favored
the appearance of Miss Jessel。 The summer had turned； the summer had gone；
the autumn had dropped upon Bly and had blown out half our lights。
The place； with its gray sky and withered garlands； its bared spaces
and scattered dead leaves； was like a theater after the performance
all strewn with crumpled playbills。 There were exactly states of the air；
conditions of sound and of stillness； unspeakable impressions
of the KIND of ministering moment； that brought back to me；
long enough to catch it； the feeling of the medium in which；
that June evening out of doors； I had had my first sight of Quint；
and in which； too； at those other instants； I had； after seeing him
through the window； looked for him in vain in the circle of shrubbery。
I recognized the signs； the portentsI recognized the moment； the spot。
But they remained unaccompanied and empty； and I continued unmolested；
if unmolested one could call a young woman whose sensibility had；
in the most extraordinary fashion； not declined but deepened。
I had said in my talk with Mrs。 Grose on that horrid scene of Flora's
by the lakeand had perplexed her by so sayingthat it would from
that moment distress me much more to lose my power than to keep it。
I had then expressed what was vividly in my mind： the truth that；
whether the children really saw or notsince； that is； it was
not yet definitely provedI greatly preferred； as a safeguard；
the fullness of my own exposure。 I was ready to know the very wors