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his mother and his; sister were thinking。 He knew that Amy had disliked him ever since his return; and that that dislike had been changed into something fiercer since his declared opposition to Thurston。 His mother he simply did not understand at all。 She spoke to him still with the same affection and tenderness; but behind the words he felt a hard purpose and a mysterious aloofness。
She was not like his mother at all; it was as though some spy had been introduced into the house in his mother's clothing。
But for them he did not care; it was his father of whom he must think。 Here; too; there was a mystery from which he was deliberately kept。 He knew; of course; that they were all expecting some crisis; as the days advanced he could feel that the excitement increased。 He knew that his father had declared that he had visions and that there was to be a revelation very shortly; but of these visions and this revelation he heard only indirectly from others。 His father said nothing to him of these things; and at the ordinary Chapel services on Sunday there was no allusion to them。 He knew that the Inside Saints had a society and rules of their own inside the larger body; and from that inner society he was quite definitely excluded。 Of that exclusion he would have been only too glad had it not been for his father; but now when he saw him growing from day to day more haggard and worn; more aloof from all human society; when lie saw him wrapped further and further into some strange and as it seemed to him insane absorption; he was determined to fight his way into the heart of it。 His growing intimacy with Maggie had relieved him; for a moment; of the intensity of this other anxiety。 Now suddenly he was flung back into the very thick of it。 His earlier plan of forcing his father out of all this network of chicanery and charlatanism now returned。 He felt that if he could only seize his father and forcibly abduct him and take him away from Amy and Thurston and the rest; and all the associations of the Chapel; he might cure him and lead him back to health and happiness again。
And yet he did not know。 He had not himself escaped from it all by leaving it; and then that undermining bewildering suspicion that perhaps after all there was something in all of this; that it was not only charlatanism; confused and disconcerted him。 He was like a man who hears sounds and faint cries behind a thick wall; and there are no doors and windows; and the bricks are too stout to be torn apart。
He had been behind that wall all his life 。 。 。
Amy's allusion to Maggie in the morning had been very slight; but had shown quite clearly that she had heard all; and probably more; than the truth。 When he returned that morning he found his mother alone; knitting a pink woollen comforter; her gold spectacles on the end of her nose; her fresh lace cap crisp and dainty on her white hairthe very picture of the dearest old lady in the world。
〃Mother;〃 he began at once; 〃what did Amy mean this morning about myself and Maggie Cardinal?〃
〃Maggie who; dear?〃 his mother asked。
〃Maggie Cardinalthe Cardinal niece; you know;〃 he said impatiently。
〃Did she say anything? I don't remember。〃
〃Yes; mother。 You remember perfectly well。 She said that they were all talking about me and Maggie。〃
〃Did she?〃 The old lady slowly counted her stitches。 〃Well; dear; I shouldn't worry about what they all saywhoever 'they' may be。〃
〃Oh; I don't care for that;〃 he answered contemptuously; 〃although all the same I'm not going to have Amy running that girl down。 She's been against her from the first。 What I want to know is has Amy been to father with this? Because if she has I'm going to stop it。 I'm not going to have her bothering father with bits of gossip that she's picked up by listening behind other peoples' key…holes。〃
Amy; meanwhile; had come in and heard this last sentence。
〃Thank you; Martin;〃 she said quietly。
He turned to her with fury。 〃What did you mean at breakfast;〃 he asked; 〃by what you said about myself and Maggie Cardinal?〃
She looked at him with contempt but no very active hostility。
〃I was simply telling you something that I thought you ought to know;〃 she said。 〃It is what everybody is sayingthat you and she have been meeting every day for weeks; sitting in the Park after dark together; going to the theatre。 People draw their own conclusions; I suppose。〃
〃How much have you told father of this?〃 he demanded。
〃I don't know at all what father has heard;〃 she answered。
〃You've been that girl's enemy since the first moment that she came here;〃 he continued; growing angrier and angrier at her quiet indifference。 〃Now you're trying to damage her character。〃
〃On the contrary;〃 she answered; 〃I told you because I thought you ought to know what people were saying。 The girl doesn't matter to me one way or anotherbut I'm sorry for her if she thinks she cares for you。 That won't bring her much happiness。〃
Then suddenly her impassivity had a strange effect upon him。 He could not answer her。 He left them both; and went up to his room。
As soon as he had closed the door of his bedroom he knew that his bad time was come upon him。 It was a physical as well as a spiritual dominion。 The room visibly darkened before his eyes; his brain worked as it would in dreams suggesting its own thoughts and wishes and intentions。 A dark shadow hung over him; hands were placed upon his eyes; only one thought came before him again and again and again。 〃You know; you have long known; that you are doomed to make miserable everything that you touch; to ruin every one with whom you come in contact。 That is your fate; and you can no more escape from it than you can escape from your body!〃
How many hours of this kind he had known in Spain; in France; in South America。 Often at the very moment when he had thought that he was at last settling down to some decent steady plan of life he would be jerked from his purpose; some delay or failure would frustrate him; and there would follow the voice in his ear and the hands on his eyes。
It was indeed as though he had been pledged to something in his early life; and because he had broken from that pledge had been pursued ever since 。 。 。
He stripped to the waist and bathed in cold water; even then it seemed to him that his flesh was heavy and dull and yellow; that he was growing obese and out of all condition。 He put on a clean shirt and collar; sat down on his bed and tried to think the thing out。 To whomsoever he had done harm in the past he would now spare Maggie and his father。 He was surprised at the rush of tenderness that came over him at the thought of Maggie; he sat there for some time thinking over every incident of the last three weeks; that; at least; had been a good decent time; and no one could ever take it away from them again。 He looked at her picture in the locket and realised; as he looked at it; a link with her that he had never felt with any woman before。 〃All the same;〃 he thought; 〃I should go away。 She'd mind it at first; but not half as much as she'd mind me later on when she saw what kind of a chap I really was。 She'd be unhappy for a bit; but she'd soon meet some one else。 She's neve