按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
e in the world； and yet I make him unhappy all the time。 I'm a bad fellow to be with〃
He stopped suddenly； looked at her and laughed。 〃It isn't any good； Maggie 。 。 。 You haven't any idea what a sweep I am。 You'd hate me if you really knew。〃
She looked steadily back at him。 〃We haven't much time；〃 she said； speaking with steady； calm conviction as though she had； for years； been expecting just such a conversation as this； and had thought out what she would say。 〃Aunt Elizabeth can come back earlier than she said。 Perhaps I shall say something I oughtn't to。 I don't care。 The whole thing is that I love you。 I suppose it's true that I don't know anything about men； but I'd be poor enough if my love for you just depended on your loving me back； and on your being good to me and all the rest of it。 I've never had any one I could love until you came； but now that you have come it can't be anything that you can do that can alter it。 If you were to go away I'd still love you； because it's the love in me that matters； not what I get for it。 Perhaps you'll make me unhappy； but anyway one will be unhappy some of the time。〃
She went up to him and kissed him。 〃I know Caroline Smith or some one would be very shocked if they thought I'd said such things to you； but I can't help what they say。〃
He had a movement to catch her and hold her； but he kept himself off； moved away from her； turning his back to her。
〃You don't understand 。 。 。 you don't understand；〃 he repeated。 〃You know nothing about men； Maggie； and you know nothing about me。 I tell you I wouldn't be faithful to you； and I'd be drunk sometimes； and I'd have moods for days； when I'd just sulk and not speak to a soul。 I think those moods some damned sort of religion when I'm in them； but what they really are is bad temper。 You've got to know it； Maggie。 I'd be rotten to you； however much I wanted not to be。〃
〃That's my own affair；〃 she answered。 〃I can look after myself。 And for all the rest； I'm independent and I'll always be independent。 I'll love you whether you're good to me or bad。〃
〃Well； then；〃 he suddenly wheeled round to her； 〃you'd better have it 。 。 。 I'm married already。〃
She took that with a little startled cry。 Her eyes searched his face in a puzzled fashion as though she were pursuing the truth。 Then she said like a child who sees some toy broken before its eyes：
〃Oh； Martin！〃
〃Yes。 Nobody knowsnot a soul。 It was a mad thingfour years ago in Marseille I met a girl； a little dressmaker there。 I went off my head and married her； and then a month later she ran off with a merchant chap； a Greek。 I didn't care； we got on as badly as anything 。 。 。 but there you are。 No one knows。 That's the whole thing； Maggie。 I thought at first I wouldn't tell you。 I was beginning to care for you too much； as a matter of fact； and then when your uncle asked me to dinner； I told myself I was a fool to go。 Then when I saw how you trusted me； I thought I'd be a cad and let it continue； but somehow 。 。 。 you've got an influence over me 。 。 。 You've made me ashamed of things I wouldn't have hesitated about a year ago。 And the funny thing is it isn't your looks。 I can say things to you I couldn't to other women； and I'll tell you right away that there are lots of women attract me more。 And yet I've never felt about any woman as I do about you； that I wanted to be good to her and care for her and love her。 It's always whether they loved me that I've thought about 。 。 。 Well； now I've told you； you see that I'd better go； hadn't I？ You see 。 。 。 you see。〃
She looked up at him。
〃I've got to think。 It makes a difference； of course。 Can we meet after a week and talk again？〃
〃Much better if I don't see you any more。 I'll go away altogether abroad again。〃
〃Noafter a week〃
〃Much better not。〃
〃Yes。 Come here after a week。 And if we can't be alone I'll give you a letter somehow 。 。 。 Please； Martinyou must。〃
〃Maggie； just think〃
〃Noafter a week。〃
〃Very well； then；〃 he turned on her fiercely。 〃I've been honest。 I've told you。 I've done all I can。 If I love you now it isn't my fault。〃
He left the room； not looking at her again。 And she stood there； staring in front of her。
CHAPTER VI
THE PROPHET IN HIS OWN HOME
Martin walked into the street with a confused sense of triumph and defeat； that confusion that comes to all sensitive men at the moment when they are stepping； against their will； from one set of conditions into another。 He had gone into that house； only half an hour ago； determined to leave Maggie for everfor his good and hers。 He came back into the street realising that he was now； perhaps for the first time； quite definitely involved in some relation with hergood； bad； safe； dangerous he did not knowbut involved。 He had intended to tell her nothing of his marriageand he had told her。 He had intended to treat their whole meeting as something light； passing； inconsiderablehe had instead treated it as something of the utmost gravity。 He had intended； above all； to prove to himself that he could do what he wishedhe had found that he had no power。
And so； as he stepped through the dim gold…dust of the evening light he was stirred with an immense sense of having stepped； definitely at last； across the threshold of new adventure and enterprise。 All kinds of problems were awaiting solutionhis relation to his father； his mother； his sister； his home； his past； his future； his sins and his weaknessesand he had meant to solve them all； as he had often solved them in the past； by simply cutting adrift。 But now； instead of that； he had decided to stay and face it all out； he had confessed at last that secret that he had hidden from all the world； and he had submitted to the will of a girl whom he scarcely knew and was not even sure that he liked。
He stopped at that for a moment and； standing in a little pool of purple light under the benignant friendliness of a golden moon new risen and solitary； he considered it。 No； he did not know whether he liked herit was interest rather that drew him； her strangeness； her strength and loneliness； young and solitary like the moon above himand yetalso some feeling softer than interest so that he was suddenly touched as he thought of her and spoke out aloud： 〃I'll be good to herwhatever happens； by God I'll be good to her；〃 so that a chauffeur near him turned and looked with hard scornful eyes； and a girl somewhere laughed。 With all his conventional dislike of being in any way 〃odd〃 he walked hurriedly on； confused and wondering more than ever what it was that had happened to him。 Always before he had known his own mindnow； in everything； he seemed to be pulled two ways。 It was as though some spell had been thrown over him。
It was a lovely evening and he walked slowly； not wishing to enter his house too quickly。 He realised that he had； during the last weeks； found nothing there but trouble。 And if Maggie wished； in spite of what he had told her； to go on with him？ And if his father； impatient at last； definitely asked him to stay at home altogether and insisted on an answer？ And if his gradually increasing estrangement with his sister broke into open quarrel？ And if； strangest of all； th