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the captives-第49章

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In the room was a strange scent half wine; half medicine; and beyond that the plain tang of apples partially eaten; a little smell of oil too from the lampvery faintly the figure of the Christ above the bed was visible。 Maggie moved forward to the bed; then stopped again。 She did not know what to do; she could see a dark shadow on the pillow that must she knew be her aunt's hair; and yet she did not connect that with her aunt。 The room was cold and; she felt; of infinite space。 The smell of the wine and the medicine made her shy and awkward as though she were somewhere where she should not be。

There came a little sigh; and then a very quiet; tired voice。

〃Maggie; is that you?〃

〃Yes; Aunt Anne。〃

She came very close to the bed; and suddenly; as though a curtain had been drawn back; she could see her aunt's large eyes and white sharp face。

〃It was very good of you; dear; to come。 I felt ashamed to wake you up at such an hour; but I wanted you。 I felt that only you must be with me to…night。 It was a call from God。 I felt that it must be obeyed。 Sit down; dear。 There; on that chair。 You're not cold; are you?〃

Maggie sat down; gathering her dressing…gown close about her。 She was not even now drawn right out of her dream; and the room seemed fantastic; to rise and fall a little; and to be filled with sound; just out of hearing。 For a time she was so sleepy that she nodded on her chair; and the green lamp swelled and quivered and the very bed seemed to sway in the dark; but soon the cold air cleared her head; and she was wide awake; staring before her at the grey window…panes。 Her aunt did not for a long time speak again。 Maggie sat there her mind a maze of the Chapel; old Crashaw; Miss Avies; and Martin。 Slowly the cold crept into her feet and her hands; but her head now was burning hot。 Then suddenly her aunt began to talk in a dreamy rather lazy voice; not her natural daily tone which was always very sharp and clear。 She talked on and on; sometimes her sentences were confused and unfinished; sometimes they seemed to Maggie to have no meaning; once or twice the voice dropped so low that Maggie did not catch the words; but always there was especial urgency behind the carelessness as though every word were being spoken for a listener's benefita listener who sat perhaps with pencil and notebook somewhere in the dark behind them。

〃So sorry 。 。 。 so sorry; Maggie dear 。 。 。 so sorry;〃 the words ran up and down。 〃I hadn't meant to take you away before the service was over。 Elizabeth could have 。 。 。 sometimes my pain is very bad and I have to lie down; you know。 But it's nothingnothing reallyonly I'm glad; rather; that you should share all our little troubles; because then you'll know us better; won't you? Dear Maggie; there's been something between us all this time; hasn't there? Ever since our first meetingand it's partly been my fault。 I wasn't good at first; I wanted to be kind; but I was stiff and shy。 You wouldn't think that I'm shy? I am; terribly。 I always have been since I was very little; and just to enter a room when other people are there makes me so embarrassed 。 。 。 I remember once when mother was alive her scolding me because I wouldn't come in to a tea…party。 But I couldn't; I stood outside the door in an agony; doing everything to make myself go inbut I couldn't 。 。 。 But now I've come to love you; dear; although of course you have your faults。 But they are faults of your age; carelessness; selfishness。 They are nothing in the eyes of God; who understands all our weaknesses。 And you must learn to know Him; dear。 That is my only prayer now。 If I am taken; if I go before the great dayif it be His willthen I pray always; now that I may leave you in my place; waiting for Him as I have waited; trusting Him as I have trusted 。 。 。 you saw to…night what it means to us; what it must mean to any one who has listened。 There were times; years ago; when I had not turned to God; when I did not care; when I thought of earthly love 。 。 。 God drew me to Himself 。 。 。 You too must come; Maggieyou must come。 You mustn't stay outsideyou are asked; you are invitedperhaps you will be compelled 。 。 。〃

The voice sank: Maggie's teeth chattered in her head from the cold; and her foot had gone to sleep。 She felt obstinate and rebellious and frightened; she could not think clearly; and the words that came from her; suddenly; seemed to her not to be her own。

〃Aunt Anne; I want to do everything that you and Aunt Elizabeth think I should; but I must be myself; mustn't I? I'm grown up now; I've got my three hundred pounds and I don't think I want to be religious。 I'm very grateful to you and Aunt Elizabeth; but I'm not a help to you much; I'm afraid。 I know I'm very careless; I do want to be better; and that's all the more reason; perhaps; why I should go out and earn my own living。 I'd learn more quickly then。 But I do love you and Aunt Elizabeth 。 。 。〃

She broke off; she did not love them。 She knew that she did not。 The only human being in all the world whom she loved was Martin。 Nevertheless there did come to her suddenly then a new tenderness for her aunt; the actual sight of her pain in the Chapel had deeply touched her and now her eagerness for escape was mingled with a longing to be affectionate and good。

But Aunt Anne did not seem to have heard。

〃Are you sure you're not cold; dear?〃

〃No; aunt。〃

Their hands touched。

〃But you are。 Put that rug over you。 That one at the end of the bed。 I'm quiet now。 I think perhaps I shall sleep a little。〃

〃Is there anything I can do?〃

〃Perhaps turn the lamp down; dear。 That's it。 A little more。 Now; if you'd just raise my pillow。 There; behind my head。 That's the way! Why; what a good nurse you are!〃

Maggie; as tenderly as she could; turned the pillow; patted it; placed it beneath her aunt's head。 She was close against her aunt's face; and the eyes seemed suddenly so fierce and urgent; so insistent and powerful; that seeing them was like the discovery of some blazing fire in an empty house。 Most of all; they were terrified eyes。 Maggie went back to her chair。 After that; she sat there during the slow evolution of Eternity; Eternity unrolled itself before her; on and on and on; grey limitless mist and space; comfortless; lifeless; hopeless。 She had been for many weeks leading a thoroughly unwholesome life in that old house with those old women。 She did not herself know how unhealthy it had been; but she knew that she missed the wide fields and downs of Glebeshire; the winds that blew from the sea round Borhedden; the air that swirled and raced up and down the little stony strata of St。 Dreot。 Now she had been kept indoors; had had no fun of any kind; had looked forward to Mr。 Magnus as her chief diversion。 Then Martin had come; and suddenly she had seen how dangerously her life was hemming her in。 She was losing courage。 She would soon be afraid to speak for herself at all; she would soon 。 。 。

In a panic at these thoughts; and feeling as though some one was trying to push her down into a coffin whilst she was still alive; she began hurriedly to speak; although she did not know whether her aunt were asleep or no。

〃I think I ought to tell you; Aunt Anne; th
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