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〃Now; look here;〃 he went on; after a pause。 〃You must see how hopeless it is; Maggie。 You've got nothing to get out of it。 As soon as I'm well enough I shall go off and leave you。 You can't follow me; hunting me everywhere。 You must see that。〃
〃Yes; but what you don't; Martin; see;〃 she answered him; 〃is that I've got some right to think of my own happiness。 It's quite true what you say; that if you get well and decide you don't want to see me I won't follow you。 Of course I won't。 Perhaps one day you will want me all the same。 But I'm happy only with you; and so long as I don't bore you I'm going to stay。 I've always been。 wrong with every one else; stupid and doing everything I shouldn't。 But with you it isn't so。 I'm not stupid; and however you behave I'm happy。 I can't help it。 It's just so。〃
〃But how can you be happy?〃 he said; 〃I'm not the sort for any one to be happy with。 When I've been drinking I'm impossible。 I'm sulky and lazy; and I don't want to be any better either。 You may think you're happy these first few weeks; but you won't be later on。〃
〃Let's try;〃 said Maggie; laughing。 〃Here's a bargain; Martin。 You say I don't bore you。 I'll stay with you until you're quite well。 Then if you don't want me I'll go and not bother you until you ask for me。 Is that a bargain?〃
〃You'd much better not;〃 he said。
〃Oh; don't think I'm staying;〃 she answered; 〃because I think you so splendid that I can't leave you。 I don't think you splendid at all。 And it's not because I think myself splendid either。 I'm being quite selfish about it。 I'm staying simply because I'm happier so。〃
〃You'd much better not;〃 he repeated。
〃Is that a bargain?〃
〃Yes; if you like;〃 he answered; looking at her with puzzled eyes。 It was the first long conversation that they had had。 After it; he was no nicer than before。 He never kissed her; he never touched her; he seldom talked to her; when she talked; he seemed to be little interested。 For hours he lay there; looking in front of him; saying nothing。 When the little doctor came they wrangled and fought together but seemed to like one another。
Through it all Maggie could see that he was riddled with deep shame and self…contempt and haunted; always; by the thought of his father。 She longed to speak to him about his father's death; but as yet she did not dare。 If once she could persuade him that that had not been his fault; she could; she thought; really help him。 That was the secret canker at his heart and she could not touch it。
Strangely; as the days passed; the years that had been added to him since their last meeting seemed to fall away。 He became to her more and more the boy that he had been when she had known him before。 In a thousand ways he showed it; his extraordinary youth and inexperience in spite of all that he had been and done。 She felt older now than he and she loved him the more for that。 Most of all she longed to get him away from this place where he was。 Then one day little Abrams said to her:
〃He'll never get well here。〃
〃That's what I think;〃 she said。
〃Can't you carry him off somewhere? The country's the place for him… …somewhere in the South。〃
Her heart leapt。
〃Oh; Glebeshire!〃 she cried。
〃Well; that's not a bad place;〃 he said。 〃That would pick him up。〃
At once she thought; night and day; of St。 Dreot's。 A very hunger possessed her to get back there。 And why not? For one thing; it would be so much cheaper。 Her money would not last for ever; and Mrs。 Brandon robbed her whenever possible。 She determined that she would manage it。 At last; greatly fearing it; she mentioned it to him; and to her surprise he did not scorn it。
〃I don't care;〃 he said; looking at her with that curious puzzled expression that she often saw now in his eyes; 〃I'm sick of this room。 That's a bargain; Maggie; you can put me where you like until I'm well。 Then I'm off。〃
She had a strange superstition that Borhedden was fated to see her triumph。 She had wandered round the world and now was returning again to her own home。 She remembered a Mrs。 Bolitho who had had the farm in her day。 She wrote to her; and two days later received a letter saying that there was room for them at Borhedden if they wished。
She was now all feverish impatience。 Dr。 Abrams said that Martin could be moved if they were very careful。 All plans were made。 Mrs。 Brandon and the ugly little doctor both seemed quite sorry that they were going; and Emily even sniffed and wiped her eye with the corner of her apron。 The world seemed now to be turning a different face to Maggie。 Human beings liked her and were no longer suspicious to her as they had been before。
She felt herself how greatly she had changed。 It was as though; until she had found Martin again; everything had been tied up in her; constrained。 She had been some one lost and desolate。 Nevertheless; how difficult these days were! Through all this time she spoke to him no affectionate word nor touched him with an affectionate gesture。 She was simply a good…humoured companion; laughing at him; assuming; through it all; an off…hand indifference that meant for her so difficult a pretence that she thought he must discover it。 He did not; he was in many ways more simple than she。 She laid to sleep his suspicions。 She could feel his relief that she was not romantic; that she wanted nothing whatever from him。 He was illtherefore was often churlish。 He tried to hurt her again and again with cruel words and then waited to see whether she were hurt。 She never showed him。 He treated her with contempt; often not answering her questions; laughing at her little stupidities; complaining of her forgetfulness and; sometimes; her untidiness telling her again and again to 〃go back to her parson。〃
She gave no sign。 She fought her way。 But it hurt; she could not have believed that anything could hurt so much。 She was being always drawn to him; longing to put her arm around him; to dare to kiss him; risking any repulse。 He seemed so young; so helpless; so unhappy。 Every part of him called to her; his hair; his eyes; his voice; his body。 But she held herself in; she never gave way; she was resolute in her plan。
On their last evening in Lynton Street; for five minutes; he was suddenly kind to her; almost the old Martin speaking with the old voice。 She held her breath; scarcely daring to let herself know how happy she was。
〃What do you think about God; Maggie?〃 he asked; turning on the sofa and looking at her。
〃Think about God?〃 she said; repeating his words。
〃Yes 。 。 。Is there one?〃
〃I don't know。 I haven't any intelligence about those things。〃
〃Is there immortality?〃
〃I don't know。〃
〃I hope not。 Your parson thinks there is; doesn't he?〃
〃Of course he does。〃
〃Did he have lots of services and did you hare to go to them?〃
〃Yes。〃
〃Poor Maggiealways having to go to them。 Well; it's queer。 Funny if there isn't anything after all when there's been such a fight about it so long。 Did they make you very religious at Skeaton or wherever the place was?〃
〃No;〃 said Maggie。 〃They thought me a terrible heathen。 Grace was terrified of me; I seemed so wicked to her。 She thought I was bewitching Paul's soul〃
〃Perhaps you were。〃