按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
She had not understood in the least what he meant； she did not understand now； but； thinking of his words； it did seem to her that she was sharing in some conflict。 The vast armies hidden from her by mist； the contested ground also hidden； but the clash of arms clearly to be heard。 Her own part of a struggle seemed to be round her love for Martin； it was as though； if she could get some realisation of that； she would have won her way to a vantage…point whence she could visualise the next place。 She did not think this out。 She only felt in her heart a little less lonely； a little less wicked and selfish； a little less deserted； as though she were drawing nearer to some hidden fire and could feel the first warm shadow of the flames。
She made one more appeal to Grace on the very morning of the first day of the Revival。
After breakfast Maggie came into the drawing…room and found Grace sitting there sewing。
She stood； timidly； in her old attitude； her hands clasped in front of her； like a child saying her lesson。
〃I beg your pardon； Grace。〃
Grace looked up。 She had of course been conscious of Maggie ever since her entrance into the room。 Her hands had trembled and her heart leapt furiously。
〃Why； Maggie〃 she said。
〃I'm afraid I'm disturbing you；〃 said Maggie； 〃but we haven't really said anything to one another for the last fortnight。 I don't suppose that you want me to say anything now； but things get worse and worse if no one says anything； don't they？〃 Now that she had begun she went on quickly： 〃I wanted to say； Grace； how sorry I am for the trouble and unhappiness that you and Paul have had during the last fortnight through me。 I've been nothing but a trouble to you since I first came here； but it wasn't that that I wanted to say。 I couldn't bear that you should think that I was just selfishly full of my own affairs and didn't understand how you and Paul must feel about about my uncle。 Not that I mean；〃 she went on rather fiercely； raising her head； 〃that he was to blame。 No one ever understood him。 He could have done great things ififsome one had looked after him a little。 But he hadn't any one。 That was my fault。 I didn't want you and Paul to think I don't blame myself。 I do all the time。 I can't promise to be better in the future because I've promised so often and I never am。 But I am sorry。〃
Grace said nothing for a moment。 Her hands trembled more than ever。 Then； without looking up； she murmured as though to her sewing：
〃Oh no。 Maggie 。 。 。 no one blames you； I'm sure。〃
There was another pause； then Grace said：
〃I think I'm not well。 No； I can't be well because I'm not sleeping； although I've taken aspirin more； I'm sure； than I ought to。 What I mean is that they say it's bad for your heart。 Of course things have been very unfortunate； from the beginning one might say； but I'm sure it's not been any one's fault exactly。 What I mean is that these things never are 。 。 。 No； they aren't really。 I expect we all want a change。〃
〃What are you frightened of me for； Grace；〃 asked Maggie。
Grace started as though Maggie had indeed dropped a bomb at her feet。 She looked up at Maggie； wildly； her eyes staring about the room as though she were looking for some exit of escape。
〃Frightened？〃 she repeated。
〃Yes； you are；〃 said Maggie。 〃That's what worries me most。 No one's ever been frightened of me beforeat least I don't think any one has。〃 Maggie laughed。 〃Why； Grace； it seems so funny any one being frightened of me。 I couldn't hurt any one if I wanted to； and I'm sure I never want to unless it's Mrs。 Maxse。 Be angry with me as much as you like； Grace； but don't be frightened of me。 Why； that's ridiculous！〃
It was the worst word to have chosen。 Grace flushed a dull unwholesome purple。
〃I'm sorry you think me ridiculous； Maggie；〃 she said。 〃Perhaps I am。 I'm sure I don't know。 Yes； perhaps I am。 What I mean is that what's ridiculous to one is not ridiculous to another。 You're a strange girl； Maggie； and you and I will never get on。 No； never。 But all I ask is that you should make Paul happy。 That is enough for me。 I care for nothing else。 He isn't very happy just now。 What I mean is that any one can see he isn't eating his meals properly。〃
〃Oh； Grace；〃 cried Maggie。 〃I didn't mean that you were ridiculous。 I meant that any one being frightened of me was ridiculous。 Anyway； I'm very sorry that I've made you and Paul unhappy。 That's all。〃
She turned and went。
It was the most lovely of April days； soft； primrose…coloured； the sea…breeze gently tempered by mist…veiled sun。 Maggie sat at her bedroom window overlooking the drive and the blue…grey field that ran to the woods。 She knew that there would be no difficulty about her escape to the Revival meeting。 Paul had arranged that there should be an evening service at the Church at the same hour； an act of rather Un…Christian defiance。 Maggie sat there； looking down in a condition of strange bewildering excitement on to the laurel bushes。 It was wonderful to think that in another half…hour she would see Miss Avies once more； hear those wild hymns again； catch the stridency of Thurston's voice； all these things spoke of Martin。 She felt as though he were stealing towards her out of the dusk； it was as though； without any reason； she expected to find him at the service 。 。 。 although she knew that he could not be there。
She heard the Church bell begin to ring； then the hall…door opened and Paul came out。 He had on his soft black hat； he was carrying his Bible and prayer…book under his arm。 He stood； for a moment； beside the hall…door as though he were listening or expecting something。 She had a strange impulse to run down to him； so strong was it that she got up and moved to the door。 Then slowly she came back to the window and stood looking down upon him。 Suddenly； as though he felt her gaze； he glanced up； saw her； and waved to her。 She waved back to him。 He turned and walked quickly away； she heard the gate swing； screaming behind him。
She waited for a little； then put on her hat and coat and went out。 She knew the Flower Street Hall； a place occasionally used by touring Companies； Wandering Lecturers； Charitable Concerts； and other casual festivals。 It was at the far end of the town towards the end of the Promenade。
The town； dim in the first dusk； hummed with loiterers； girls released from the shops walking with their young men； middle…aged couples sauntering out to take a last whiff of the sea before going in to the evening meal； one or two visitors from the Hotel strolling across to the beach to watch the first evening stars and the rising moon。 Pianos were playing； children shouting over the last game of the day； all hushed into a coloured mild tranquillity。 In the fields beyond the houses the quiet was absolute。
Maggie found the building。 The facade was blazing with electric light。 A huge poster； of the now familiar pink； declared：
GRAND RELIGIOUS FESTIVAL。 All are invited。 IS ALL WELL WITH YOU； BROTHER？
There was a crowd about the doors； and continually； with giggles and shamefaced laughter； couples broke away and climbed the steps into the Hall。 Maggie； feeling that all eyes were upon her； entered the buildin