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vanity by encouraging the preference which she believed she had most incautiously shewn。 Every lingering struggle in his favour grew fainter and fainter; and in farther justification of Mr。 Darcy; she could not but allow that Mr。 Bingley; when questioned by Jane; had long ago asserted his blamelessness in the affair; that; proud and repulsive as were his manners; she had never; in the whole course of their acquaintance an acquaintance which had latterly brought them much together; and given her a sort of intimacy with his ways seen any thing that betrayed him to be unprincipled or unjust any thing that spoke him of irreligious or immoral habits。 That among his own connections he was esteemed and valued that even Wickham had allowed him merit as a brother; and that she had often heard him speak so affectionately of his sister as to prove him capable of some amiable feeling。 That had his actions been what Wickham represented them; so gross a violation of every thing right could hardly have been concealed from the world; and that friendship between a person capable of it; and such an amiable man as Mr。 Bingley; was incomprehensible。
She grew absolutely ashamed of herself。 Of neither Darcy nor Wickham could she think; without feeling that she had been blind; partial; prejudiced; absurd。
‘‘How despicably have I acted!'' she cried。 ‘‘I; who have prided myself on my discernment! I; who have valued myself on my abilities! who have often disdained the generous candour of my sister; and gratified my vanity; in useless or blameable distrust。 How humiliating is this discovery! Yet; how just a humiliation! Had I been in love; I could not have been more wretchedly blind。 But vanity; not love; has been my folly。 Pleased with the preference of one; and offended by the neglect of the other; on the very beginning of our acquaintance; I have courted prepossession and ignorance; and driven reason away; where either were concerned。 Till this moment; I never knew myself。''
From herself to Jane from Jane to Bingley; her thoughts were in a line which soon brought to her recollection that Mr。 Darcy's explanation there had appeared very insufficient; and she read it again。 Widely different was the effect of a second perusal。 How could she deny that credit to his assertions; in one instance; which she had been obliged to give in the other? He declared himself to have been totally unsuspicious of her sister's attachment; and she could not help remembering what Charlotte's opinion had always been。 Neither could she deny the justice of his description of Jane。 She felt that Jane's feelings; though fervent; were little displayed; and that there was a constant complacency in her air and manner not often united with great sensibility。
When she came to that part of the letter in which her family were mentioned; in terms of such mortifying yet merited reproach; her sense of shame was severe。 The justice of the charge struck her too forcibly for denial; and the circumstances to which he particularly alluded; as having passed at the Netherfield ball; and as confirming all his first disapprobation; could not have made a stronger impression on his mind than on hers。 The compliment to herself and her sister was not unfelt。 It soothed; but it could not console her for the contempt which had been thus self…attracted by the rest of her family; and as she considered that Jane's disappointment had in fact been the work of her nearest relations; and reflected how materially the credit of both must be hurt by such impropriety of conduct; she felt depressed beyond any thing she had ever known before。
After wandering along the lane for two hours; giving way to every variety of thought; re…considering events; determining probabilities; and reconciling herself; as well as she could; to a change so sudden and so important; fatigue; and a recollection of her long absence made her at length return home; and she entered the house with the wish of appearing cheerful as usual; and the resolution of repressing such reflections as must make her unfit for conversation。
She was immediately told; that the two gentlemen from Rosings had each called during her absence; Mr。 Darcy; only for a few minutes to take leave; but that Colonel Fitzwilliam had been sitting with them at least an hour; hoping for her return; and almost resolving to walk after her till she could be found。 Elizabeth could but just affect concern in missing him; she really rejoiced at it。 Colonel Fitzwilliam was no longer an object。 She could think only of her letter。当达西先生递给伊丽莎白那封信的时候,伊丽莎白如果并没有想到那封信里是重新提出 求婚,那她就根本没想到信里会写些什么。既然一看见这样的内容,你可想而知,她当时想 要读完这封信的心情是怎样迫切,她的感情上又给引起了多大的矛盾。她读信时的那种心 情,简直无法形容。开头读到他居然还自以为能够获得人家的原谅,她就不免吃惊;再读下 去,又觉得他处处都是自圆其说,而处处都流露出一种欲盖弥彰的羞惭心情。她一读到他所 写的关于当日发生在尼日斐花园的那段事情,就对他的一言一语都存着极大的偏见。她迫不 及待地读下去,因此简直来不及细细咀嚼;她每读一句就急于要读下一句因此往往忽略了眼 前一句的意思。他所谓她的姐姐对彬格莱本来没有什么情意,这叫她立刻断定他在撒谎;他 说那门亲事确确实实存在着那么些糟糕透顶的缺陷,这使她简直气得不想把那封信再读下 去。他对于自己的所作所为,丝毫不觉得过意不去,这当然使她无从满意。他的语气真是盛 气凌人,丝毫没有悔悟的意思。
读下去读到他关于韦翰先生那一段事情的剖白,她才多少比刚才神态清明一些,其中许 多事情和韦翰亲口自述的身世十分相同,假如这些都是真话,那就会把她以前对韦翰的好感 一笔勾销,这真是使她更加痛苦,更加心乱。她感到十分惊讶和疑虑,甚至还有几分恐怖。 她恨不得把这件事全都当作他捏造出来的,她一次次嚷道:“一定是他在撒谎!这是不可能 的!这是荒谬绝伦的谎话!”──她把全信读完以后,几乎连最后的一两页也记不起说些什 么了,连忙把它收拾起来,而且口口声声抗议说,决不把它当作一回真事,也决不再去读那 封信。
她就这样心烦意乱地往前走,真是千头万绪,不知从哪里想起才好。可是不到半分钟工 夫,她又按捺不住,从信封里抽出信来聚精会神地忍痛读着写述韦翰的那几段,逼着自己去 玩味每一句话的意思。其中讲到韦翰跟彭伯里的关系的那一段,简直和韦翰自己所说的毫无 出入;再说到老达西先生生前对他的好处,信上的话也和韦翰自己所说的话完全符合,虽说 她并不知道老达西先生究竟对他好到什么地步。到这里为止,双方所述的情况都可以互相印 证,但是当她读到遗嘱问题的时候,两个人的话就大不相同了。韦翰说到牧师俸禄的那些 话,她还记得清清楚楚;她一想起他那些话,就不免感觉到,他们两个人之间总有一个人说 的是假话,于是她一时之间,倒高兴起来了,以为自己这种想法不会有错。接着她又极其仔 细地一读再读,读到韦翰借口放弃牧师俸禄从而获得了三千磅一笔款项等等情节的时候,她 又不由得犹豫起来。她放下那封信,把每一个情节不偏不倚地推敲了一下,把信中每一句话 都仔仔细细考虑了一下,看看是否真有其事,可是这样做也毫无用处。双方都是各执一辞。 她只得再往下读。可是愈读愈糊涂;她本以为这件事任凭达西先生怎样花言巧语,颠倒是 非,也丝毫不能减轻他自己的卑鄙无耻,哪里想得到这里面大有文章可做,只要把事情改变 一下说法,达西先生就可以把责任推卸得一干二净。
达西竟毫不迟疑地把骄奢淫逸的罪名加在韦翰先生身上,这使她极其惊骇──何况她又 提不出反证,于是就越发惊骇。在韦翰先生参加某某郡的民兵团之前,伊丽莎白根本没有听 到过他这个人。至于他所以要参加民兵团,也只是因为偶然在镇上遇见了以前一个泛泛之交 的朋友,劝他加入的。讲到他以前的