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The University of Hard Knocks
by Ralph Parlette
The School That Completes Our Education
〃He that overcometh shall inherit all things； and I will be his God； and he shall be my son〃Revelation 21：7。
〃Sweet are the uses of adversity； Which； like the toad； ugly and venomous； Wears yet a precious jewel in his head； And thus our life； exempt from public haunt； Finds tongues in trees； books in running brooks Sermons in stones； and good in everything。〃
Shakespeare
Why It Is Printed
MORE than a million people have sat in audiences in all parts of the United States and have listened to 〃The University of Hard Knocks。〃 It has been delivered to date more than twenty…five hundred times upon lyceum courses； at chautauquas； teachers' institutes； club gatherings； conventions and before various other kinds of audiences。 Ralph Parlette is kept busy year after year lecturing； because his lectures deal with universal human experience。
〃Can I get the lecture in book form？〃 That continuous question from audiences brought out this book in response。 Here is the overflow of many deliveries。
〃What is written here is not the way I would write it； were I writing a book；〃 says Ralph Parlette。 〃It is the way I say it。 The lecture took this unconscious colloquial form before audiences。 An audience makes a lecture； if the lecture survives。 I wish I could shake the hand of every person who has sat in my audiences。 And I wish I could tell the lecture committees of America how I appreciate the vast amount of altruistic work they have done in bringing the audiences of America together。 For lecture audiences are not drawn together； they are pushed together。〃
The warm reception given 〃The University of Hard Knocks〃 by the public； has encouraged the publishers to put more of Mr。 Parlette's lectures into book form； 〃Big Business〃 and 〃Pockets and Paradises〃 are now in preparation as this； the third edition of 〃The University of Hard Knocks〃 comes from the press。
Contents
SOME PRELIMINARY REMARKSThe lecturer the delivery wagonThe sorghum barrelAudience must have place to put lectureWhy so many words
The University of Hard Knocks
I。 THE BOOKS ARE BUMPSEvery bump a lessonWhy the two kinds of bumpsDescription of University〃Sweet are the uses of Adversity〃Why children are not interested
II。 THE COLLEGE OF NEEDLESS KNOCKS； the bumps that we bump intoGetting the coffee…potTeaching a wilful childBumps make us 〃stop； look； listen〃Blind man learns with one bumpGoing up requires effortProdigals must be bumpedThe fly and the sticky fly…paper〃Removed〃 and 〃knocked out〃
III。 THE COLLEGE OF NEEDFUL KNOCKS； the bumps that bump into usOur sorrows and disappointmentsHow the piano was madeHow the 〃red mud〃 becomes razor…bladesThe world our mirrorThe cripple taught by the bumpsEvery bump brings a blessingYou are never down and out
IV。 〃SHAKE THE BARREL〃How we decide our destiniesWhy the big ones shake up and the little ones shake downThe barrel of life sorting peopleHow we hold our places； go down； go upGood luck and bad luckThe girl who went upThe man who went downThe fatal rattleWe must get ready to getTestimonials and press noticesYou cannot uplift people with derrickNo laws can equalizeHelp people to help themselvesWe cannot get things till we get ready for them
V。 GOING UPHow we become greatWe must get inside greatness There is no topWe make ourselves great by servicethe first step at handAll can be greatestWhere to find great peopleA glimpse of Gunsaulus
VI。 THE PROBLEM OF 〃PREPAREDNESS〃Preparing children for lifeMost 〃advantages〃 are disadvantagesBuying education for childrenThe story of 〃Gussie〃 and 〃Bill Whackem〃Schools and books only give better tools for service〃Hard knocks〃 graduates Menace of America not swollen fortunes but shrunken souls Children must have struggle to get strengthNot packhorse work Helping the turkeys killed themthe happiness of work we love Amusement drunkardsLure of the cityStrong men from the country Must save the home townsA school of struggleNew School experiment
VII。 THE SALVATION OF A 〃SUCKER〃You can't get something for nothingThe fiddle and the tuningHow we know thingsTrimmed at the shell gameMy 〃fool drawer〃Getting 〃selected to receive 1；000 per cent〃You must earn what you ownCommencement orationsMy maiden sermonThe books that live have been livedSinger must live songsSuccessful songs written from experienceTheory and practiceTuning the strings of life
VIII。 LOOKING BACKWARDMemories of the price we payMy first school teachingLoaning the deacon my moneyCalling the roll of my schoolmatesAt the grave of the boy I had enviedWhy Ben Hur won the chariot racePulling on the oar
IX。 GO ON SOUTH！The book in the running brookThe Mississippi keeps on going south and growing greaterWe generally start well； but stopFew go on southThe plague of incompetentsToday our best day； tomorrow to be betterBirthdays are promotionsI am just beginningBernhardt； Davis； EdisonMoses begins at eightyToo busy to burySympathy for the 〃sob squad〃Child sees worst days； not bestWaiting for the second tableBetter days on southOvercoming obstacles develops powerGo on south from principle； not praiseDoing duty for the joy of itBecoming the 〃Father of Waters〃Go on south forever！
X。 GOING UP LIFE'S MOUNTAINThe defeats that are victories Climbing Mount LoweGetting above the clouds into the sunshine Each day we rise to larger visionGetting above the night into the eternal dayGoing south is going upward
Some Preliminary Remarks
LADIES and Gentlemen： I do not want to be seen in this lecture。 I want to be heard。 I am only the delivery wagon。 When the delivery wagon comes to your house； you are not much interested in how it looks； you are interested in the goods it brings you。 You know some very good goods are sometimes delivered to you in some very poor delivery wagons。
So in this lecture； please do not pay any attention to the delivery wagonhow much it squeaks and wheezes and rattles and wabbles。 Do not pay much attention to the wrappings and strings。 Get inside to the goods。
Really； I believe the goods are good。 I believe I am to recite to you some of the multiplication table of lifenot mine； not yours alone； but everybody's。
Can Only Pull the Plug！
Every audience has a different temperature； and that makes a lecture go differently before every audience。 The kind of an audience is just as important as the kind of a lecture。 A cold audience will make a good lecture poor； while a warm audience will make a poor lecture good。
Let me illustrate：
When I was a boy we had a barrel of sorghum in the woodshed。 When mother wanted to make ginger…bread or cookies； she would send me to the woodshed to get a bucket of sorghum from that barrel。
Some warm September day I would pull the plug from the barrel and the sorghum would fairly squirt into my bucket。 Later in the fall when it was colder； I would pull the plug but the sorghum would not squirt。 It would come out slowly and reluctantly； so that I would have to wait a long while to get a little sorghum。 And on some real cold winter day I would pull the plug； but the sorghum would not run at all。 It would just look out at me。
I dis