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would be very glad to get rid of them。 But habit is stronger than both of us together； and I continue to hobble up the stairs of various government buildings。 Old clerks point me out to each other as I go by like a ghost wandering through the corridors。 When one has become very old one finds it extremely difficult to disappear。 Nevertheless； it is time； as the old song says； 'de prendre ma retraite et de songer a faire un fin〃to retire on my pension and prepare myself to die a good death。
An old marchioness； who used to be a friend of Hevetius in her youth； and whom I once met at my father's house when a very old woman； was visited during her last sickness by the priest of her parish； who wanted to prepare her to die。
〃Is that really necessary？〃 she asked。 〃I see everybody else manage it perfectly well the first time。〃
My father went to see her very soon afterwards and found her extremely ill。
〃Good…evening； my friend！〃 she said； pressing his hand。 〃I am going to see whether God improves upon acquaintance。〃
So were wont to die the belles amies of the philosophers。 Such an end is certainly not vulgar nor impertinent； and such levities are not of the sort that emanate from dull minds。 Nevertheless； they shock me。 Neither my fears nor my hopes could accommodate themselves to such a mode of departure。 I would like to make mine with a perfectly collected mind； and that is why I must begin to think； in a year or two； about some way of belonging to myself； otherwise； I should certainly risk。。。。 But； hush！ let Him not hear His name and turn to look as He passes by！ I can still lift my fagot without His aid。
。。。I found Jeanne very happy indeed。 She told me that； on the Thursday previous； after the visit of her guardian； Mademoiselle Prefere had set her free from the ordinary regulations and lightened her tasks in several ways。 Since that lucky Thursday she could walk in the gardenwhich only lacked leaves and flowersas much as she liked； and she had been given facilities to work at her unfortunate little figure of Saint…George。
She said to me； with a smile；
〃I know very well that I owe all of this to you。〃
I tried to talk with her about other matters； but I remarked that she could not attend to what I was saying； in spite of her effort to do so。
〃I see you are thinking about something else；〃 I said。 〃Well； tell me what it is； for； if you do not； we shall not be able to talk to each other at all； which would be very unworthy of both of us。〃
She answered；
〃Oh！ I was really listening to you； Monsieur； but it is true that I was thinking about something else。 You will excuse me； won't you？ I could not help thinking that Mademoiselle Prefere must like you very； very much indeed； to have become so good to me all of a sudden。〃
Then she looked at me in an odd； smiling； frightened way； which made me laugh。
〃Does that surprise you？〃 I asked。
〃Very much；〃 she replied。
〃Please tell me why？〃
〃Because I can see no reason； no reason at all。。。but there！。。。no reason at all why you should please Mademoiselle Prefere so much。〃
〃So； then； you think I am very displeasing； Jeanne？〃
She bit her lips； as if to punish them for having made a mistake； and then； in a coaxing way； looking at me with great soft eyes； gentle and beautiful as a spaniel's； she said；
〃I know I said a foolish think； but； still； I do not see any reason why you should be so pleasing to Mademoiselle Prefere。 And； nevertheless； you seem to please her a great deala very great deal。 She called me one day； and asked me all sorts of questions about you。〃
〃Really？〃
〃Yes； she wanted to find out all about your house。 Just think！ she even asked me how old your servant was！〃
And Jeanne burst out laughing。
〃Well； what do you think about it？〃 I asked。
She remained a long while with her eyes fixed on the worn…out cloth of her shoes； and seemed to be thinking very deeply。 Finally； looking up again； she answered；
〃I am distrustful。 Isn't it very natural to feel uneasy about what one cannot understand； I know I am foolish； but you won't be offended with me； will you？〃
〃Why； certainly not； Jeanne。 I am not a bit offended with you。〃
I must acknowledge that I was beginning to share her surprise； and I began to turn over in my old head the singular thought of this young girl〃One is uneasy about what one cannot understand。〃
But； with a fresh burst of merriment； she cried out；
〃She asked me。。。guess！ I will give you a hundred guessesa thousand guesses。 You give it up？。。。 She asked me if you liked good eating。〃
〃And how did you receive this shower of interrogations； Jeanne？〃
〃I replied； 'I don't know； Mademoiselle。' And Mademoiselle then said to me； 'You are a little fool。 The least details of the life of an eminent man ought to be observed。 Please to know； Mademoiselle； that Monsieur Sylvestre Bonnard is one of the glories of France！'〃
〃Stuff！〃 I exclaimed。 〃And what did YOU think about it； Mademoiselle？〃
〃I thought that Mademoiselle Prefere was right。 But I don't care at all。。。（I know it is naughty what I am going to say）。。。I don't care a bit； not a bit； whether Mademoiselle Prefere is or is not right about anything。〃
〃Well； then； content yourself； Jeanne； Mademoiselle Prefere was not right。〃
〃Yes； yes； she was quite right that time； but I wanted to love everybody who loved youeverybody without exceptionand I cannot do it； because it would never be possible for me to love Mademoiselle Prefere。〃
〃Listen； Jeanne；〃 I answered； very seriously； 〃Mademoiselle Prefere has become good to you； try now to be good to her。〃
She answered sharply；
〃It is very easy for Mademoiselle Prefere to be good to me； and it would be very difficult indeed for me to be good to her。〃
I then said； in a still more serious tone：
〃My child； the authority of a teacher is sacred。 You must consider your schoolmistress as occupying the place to you of the mother whom you lost。〃
I had scarcely uttered this solemn stupidity when I bitterly regretted it。 The child turned pale； and the tears sprang to her eyes。
〃Oh； Monsieur！〃 she cried； 〃how could you say such a thingYOU？ You never knew mamma！〃
Ay； just Heaven！ I did know her mamma。 And how indeed could I have been foolish enough to have said what I did？
She repeated； as if to herself：
〃Mamma！ my dear mamma！ my poor mamma！〃
A lucky chance prevented me from playing the fool any further。 I do not know how it happened at that moment I looked as if I was going to cry。 At my age one does not cry。 It must have been a bad cough which brought the tears into my eyes。 But； anyhow； appearances were in my favour。 Jeanne was deceived by them。 Oh！ what a pure and radiant smile suddenly shone out under her beautiful wet eyelashes like sunshine among branches after a summer shower！ We took each other by the hand and sat a long while without saying a word absolutely happy。 Those celestial harmonies which I once thought I heard thrilling through my soul while I knelt before that tomb to which a saintly woman had guided me； suddenly awoke again in my heart； slow…swelling through the blissful moments with infinite softness。 Doubtless the child w