按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
p above threw my books out the window； aiming them at my head。 They threw me my hat and coat and my valise； and I departed from the Bucket of Blood； and took up my abode at 〃The Greasy Spoon。〃
CHAPTER XXVI
A GRUB REFORMER PUTS US OUT OF GRUB
The Greasy Spoon isn't an appetizing name； not appetizing to men who live a sedentary life。 But it was meant as a lure to men who live by muscular toil。 It sounded good to us mill workers for； like Eskimos； we craved much fat in our diet。 We were great muscular machines； and fat was the fuel for our engines。 Muckraking was just beginning in those days； and a prying reformer came to live for a while at the Greasy Spoon。 He told us that so much grease in our food would kill us。 We were ignorant of dietetics； all we knew was that our stomachs cried for plenty of fat。 The reformer said that our landlady fed us much fat meat because it was the cheapest food she could buy。 Milk； eggs and fruits would cost more； and so this greedy cruel woman was lining her pocket at the expense of our lives。
The landlady was a kindly person； and she took the reformer's advice。 She banished the fat pork； and supplied the table with other food substitutes； but she was generous and gave us plenty of them。 We ate this reformed food and found we were growing weaker every day at the puddling furnace。 We got the blues and became sullen。 Gradually all laughter ceased in that boarding… house。 We even felt too low to fight。 At the end of two weeks there was one general cry： 〃Hog fat； and plenty of it！〃 Our engines had run out of fuel； and now we knew what we needed。 We were so crazy for bacon that if a hog had crossed our path we would have leaped on him like a lion and eaten him alive。
Fat came back to the table； and the Greasy Spoon again rang with laughter。 How foolish that reformer was！ He did no work himself and was a dyspeptic。 He tried to force his diet upon us； and he made us as weak as he was。 How many reformers there are who are trying to reshape the world to fit their own weakness。 I never knew a theorist who wasn't a sick man。
To…day we understand that we can't run a motor…car after the gasoline is played out。 The burning of the oil in the engine gives the power。 The burning of fats in the muscles gives the laborer his power。 Sugar and starches are the next best things to fat； and that's why we could eat the thick slabs of sweet pie。 We relished it well and have burned it all up in our labor in the mills。 We came out with that healthy sparkle that dyspeptics never know。
When we realized that the reformer didn't know what he was talking about； and that in his effort to help us he was hurting us； we saw he was our enemy； and we gave all of his ideas the 〃horse laugh。〃 His theory that the boarding…house keepers were in a conspiracy to rob the workers by feeding them pork instead of pineapples turned out to be much like all the 〃capitalist conspiracies〃 in Comrade Bannerman's pamphlets。 I am glad I have lived in a world of facts； and that I went therefrom to the world of books。 For I have found there is much falsehood taught in books。 But life won't tell a fellow any lies。
A man who knows only books may believe that by writing a new prescription he can cure the world of what ails it。 A man who knows life knows that the world is not sick。 Give it plenty of food and a chance to work and it will have perfect digestion。
CHAPTER XXVII
THE PIE EATER'S PARADISE
The Greasy Spoon was all right。 It was a peaceful place。 The landlady was Irish； and her motto was： 〃If there's any fighting to be done here I'll do it myself。〃 On the sideboard she kept a carving knife as big as a cavalry saber。 Whenever two men started a row； she grabbed this carving knife and with a scream like a panther she lit into them。
〃Stop yer fightin' before I hack your hands off！〃
The men were in deadly fear of her because they knew she meant business。 The sight of that swinging knife quelled every riot before it got started。 We fellows were like children in that we only thought of one thing at a time。 And when we saw the landlady's carving knife we forgot whatever else was on our minds。 This woman was a real peacemaker。 She not only wanted peace； she knew how to get it。 Such things afford us lessons that are useful all our lives。 This woman had learned by sad experience that healthy men will quarrel and thump each other； that these fights put men in the hospital； after breaking her dishes and splattering her tablecloths with blood。 Hating bloodshed； she prevented it by being ever ready to shed blood herself。 She stood for the moral law； but she stood armed and ready。
Impractical men have told me that right will always triumph of itself； it needs no fighters to support it。 The man who believes that is ignorant； and such ignorance is dangerous。 Right is always trampled down when no fighter upholds it。 But men will fight for right who will not fight for wrong。 And so right conquers wrong because right has the most defenders。 Let no man shirk the battle because he thinks he isn't needed。
The reason a woman with a carving knife was strong enough to put a stop to fighting in the Greasy Spoon was this： she had behind her every man except the two who were fighting。 Had either of those men struck down the woman； then twenty other men； outraged by such a deed； would then and there have swarmed upon the two and crushed them。 The woman stood for right and she always triumphed because she had （and these two knew she had） the biggest bunch of fighters on her side。
This is what peace means； an equilibrium between forces。 It is the natural law；God's way of keeping peace。 And any plan for World Peace that is builded not upon this law is nothing。 Justice must stand with an upraised sword。 When two states quarrel she must admonish them； and let them know that should they overthrow her； all good nations would rush in and crush them。 The same law that keeps peace in a rowdy boarding…house will keep the peace of the world。 For what is this world but a big wide boarding…house； and all the nations rough and greedy grabbers at the table？
I left the Greasy Spoon and went to the 〃Pie Boarding…House。〃 The Greasy Spoon had peace； but peace is not enough。 After peace comes prosperity。 The Pie House represented prosperity。 For the woman who ran it knew how to make more pies than the fellows ever heard of。 You see； we were all from the British Isles where they have pudding。 The pie is an American institution。 Nobody knows how to make pies but an American housewife。 And lucky that she does； for men can not thrive in America without pie。 I do not mean the standardized； tasteless things made in great pie factories。 I refer to the personally conducted pies that women used to make。 The pioneer wives of America learned to make a pie out of every fruit that grows； including lemons； and from many vegetables； including squash and sweet potatoes； as well as from vinegar and milk and eggs and flour。 Fed on these good pies the pioneersis there any significance in the first syllable of the wordhewed down the woods and laid the continent under the plow。 Some men got killed and their widows started boarding…houses。 Here we workers fed on pr