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Nevertheless； it was in fear and trembling； and with
much encouragement on his part； that I at last
approached the lion's cage。 Ah； I knew him on the
instant。 The beast！ The terrible one！ And on my inner
vision flashed the memories of my dreams；the midday
sun shining on tall grass； the wild bull grazing
quietly； the sudden parting of the grass before the
swift rush of the tawny one； his leap to the bull's
back； the crashing and the bellowing； and the crunch
crunch of bones； or again； the cool quiet of the
water…hole； the wild horse up to his knees and drinking
softly； and then the tawny onealways the tawny one！
the leap； the screaming and the splashing of the horse；
and the crunch crunch of bones； and yet again； the
sombre twilight and the sad silence of the end of day；
and then the great full…throated roar； sudden； like a
trump of doom； and swift upon it the insane shrieking
and chattering among the trees； and I； too； am
trembling with fear and am one of the many shrieking
and chattering among the trees。
At the sight of him； helpless； within the bars of his
cage； I became enraged。 I gritted my teeth at him；
danced up and down； screaming an incoherent mockery and
making antic faces。 He responded； rushing against the
bars and roaring back at me his impotent wrath。 Ah； he
knew me； too； and the sounds I made were the sounds of
old time and intelligible to him。
My parents were frightened。 〃The child is ill；〃 said
my mother。 〃He is hysterical；〃 said my father。 I never
told them； and they never knew。 Already had I
developed reticence concerning this quality of mine；
this semi…disassociation of personality as I think I am
justified in calling it。
I saw the snake…charmer； and no more of the circus did
I see that night。 I was taken home； nervous and
overwrought； sick with the invasion of my real life by
that other life of my dreams。
I have mentioned my reticence。 Only once did I confide
the strangeness of it all to another。 He was a boymy
chum； and we were eight years old。 From my dreams I
reconstructed for him pictures of that vanished world
in which I do believe I once lived。 I told him of the
terrors of that early time； of Lop…Ear and the pranks
we played； of the gibbering councils； and of the Fire
People and their squatting places。
He laughed at me； and jeered； and told me tales of
ghosts and of the dead that walk at night。 But mostly
did he laugh at my feeble fancy。 I told him more； and
he laughed the harder。 I swore in all earnestness that
these things were so； and he began to look upon me
queerly。 Also； he gave amazing garblings of my tales
to our playmates； until all began to look upon me
queerly。
It was a bitter experience； but I learned my lesson。 I
was different from my kind。 I was abnormal with
something they could not understand； and the telling of
which would cause only misunderstanding。 When the
stories of ghosts and goblins went around； I kept
quiet。 I smiled grimly to myself。 I thought of my
nights of fear； and knew that mine were the real
thingsreal as life itself； not attenuated vapors and
surmised shadows。
For me no terrors resided in the thought of bugaboos
and wicked ogres。 The fall through leafy branches and
the dizzy heights； the snakes that struck at me as I
dodged and leaped away in chattering flight； the wild
dogs that hunted me across the open spaces to the
timberthese were terrors concrete and actual；
happenings and not imaginings； things of the living
flesh and of sweat and blood。 Ogres and bugaboos and I
had been happy bed…fellows； compared with these terrors
that made their bed with me throughout my childhood；
and that still bed with me； now； as I write this； full
of years。
CHAPTER II
I have said that in my dreams I never saw a human
being。 Of this fact I became aware very early； and
felt poignantly the lack of my own kind。 As a very
little child； even； I had a feeling； in the midst of
the horror of my dreaming； that if I could find but one
man； only one human； I should be saved from my
dreaming； that I should be surrounded no more by
haunting terrors。 This thought obsessed me every night
of my life for yearsif only I could find that one
human and be saved！
I must iterate that I had this thought in the midst of
my dreaming； and I take it as an evidence of the
merging of my two personalities； as evidence of a point
of contact between the two disassociated parts of me。
My dream personality lived in the long ago； before ever
man； as we know him； came to be； and my other and
wake…a…day personality projected itself； to the extent
of the knowledge of man's existence； into the substance
of my dreams。
Perhaps the psychologists of the book will find fault
with my way of using the phrase； 〃disassociation of
personality。〃 I know their use of it； yet am compelled
to use it in my own way in default of a better phrase。
I take shelter behind the inadequacy of the English
language。 And now to the explanation of my use； or
misuse； of the phrase。
It was not till I was a young man； at college； that I
got any clew to the significance of my dreams； and to
the cause of them。 Up to that time they had been
meaningless and without apparent causation。 But at
college I discovered evolution and psychology； and
learned the explanation of various strange mental
states and experiences。 For instance； there was the
falling…through…space dreamthe commonest dream
experience； one practically known； by first…hand
experience； to all men。
This； my professor told me； was a racial memory。 It
dated back to our remote ancestors who lived in trees。
With them； being tree…dwellers； the liability of
falling was an ever…present menace。 Many lost their
lives that way； all of them experienced terrible falls；
saving themselves by clutching branches as they fell
toward the ground。
Now a terrible fall； averted in such fashion； was
productive of shock。 Such shock was productive of
molecular changes in the cerebral cells。 These
molecular changes were transmitted to the cerebral
cells of progeny； became； in short； racial memories。
Thus； when you and I； asleep or dozing off to sleep；
fall through space and awake to sickening consciousness
just before we strike； we are merely remembering what
happened to our arboreal ancestors； and which has been
stamped by cerebral changes into the heredity of the
race。
There is nothing strange in this； any more than there
is anything strange in an instinct。 An instinct is
merely a habit that is stamped into the stuff of our
heredity； that is all。 It will be noted； in passing；
that in this falling dream which is so familiar to you
and me and all of us； we never strike bottom。 To
strike bottom would be destruction。 Those of our
arboreal ancestors who struck bottom died forthwith。
True； the shock of their fall was c