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Christian Science may be one of the possibilities； for I note a
marked improvement in the way my stomach does its duty in
assimilating the food I give it to handle； and I am sure it works
better to the sound of a song than under the friction of a frown。
Neither am I wasting any of this precious time formulating an
idea of a future existence or a future Heaven。 The Heaven that I
have within myself is as attractive as any that has been promised
or that I can imagine； and I am willing to let the growth lead
where it will； as long as the anger and their brood have no part
in misguiding it。〃＇95＇
＇95＇ H。 Fletcher： Menticulture； or the A…B…C of True Living； New
York and Chicago； 1899； pp。 26； 36； abridged。
The older medicine used to speak of two ways； lysis and crisis；
one gradual； the other abrupt； in which one might recover from a
bodily disease。 In the spiritual realm there are also two ways；
one gradual； the other sudden； in which inner unification may
occur。 Tolstoy and Bunyan may again serve us as examples；
examples； as it happens； of the gradual way； though it must be
confessed at the outset that it is hard to follow these windings
of the hearts of others； and one feels that their words do not
reveal their total secret。
Howe'er this be； Tolstoy； pursuing his unending questioning；
seemed to come to one insight after another。 First he
perceived that his conviction that life was meaningless took only
this finite life into account。 He was looking for the value of
one finite term in that of another； and the whole result could
only be one of those indeterminate equations in mathematics which
end with infinity。 Yet this is as far as the reasoning intellect
by itself can go； unless irrational sentiment or faith brings in
the infinite。 Believe in the infinite as common people do； and
life grows possible again。
〃Since mankind has existed； wherever life has been； there also
has been the faith that gave the possibility of living。 Faith is
the sense of life； that sense by virtue of which man does not
destroy himself； but continues to live on。 It is the force
whereby we live。 If Man did not believe that he must live for
something； he would not live at all。 The idea of an infinite
God； of the divinity of the soul； of the union of men's actions
with Godthese are ideas elaborated in the infinite secret
depths of human thought。 They are ideas without which there
would be no life； without which I myself；〃 said Tolstoy； 〃would
not exist。 I began to see that I had no right to rely on my
individual reasoning and neglect these answers given by faith；
for they are the only answers to the question。〃
Yet how believe as the common people believe； steeped as they are
in grossest superstition？ It is impossiblebut yet their life！
their life！ It is normal。 It is happy！ It is an answer to the
question！
Little by little； Tolstoy came to the settled convictionhe says
it took him two years to arrive therethat his trouble had not
been with life in general； not with the common life of common
men； but with the life of the upper； intellectual； artistic
classes； the life which he had personally always led； the
cerebral life； the life of conventionality； artificiality； and
personal ambition。 He had been living wrongly and must change。
To work for animal needs； to abjure lies and vanities； to relieve
common wants； to be simple； to believe in God； therein lay
happiness again。
〃I remember；〃 he says； 〃one day in early spring； I was alone in
the forest； lending my ear to its mysterious noises。 I listened；
and my thought went back to what for these three years it always
was busy withthe quest of God。 But the idea of him； I said；
how did I ever come by the idea？
〃And again there arose in me； with this thought； glad aspirations
towards life。 Everything in me awoke and received a meaning。 。
。 。Why do I look farther？ a voice within me asked。 He is there：
he； without whom one cannot live。 To acknowledge God and to live
are one and the same thing。 God is what life is。 Well； then！
live； seek God； and there will be no life without him。 。 。 。
〃After this； things cleared up within me and about me better than
ever； and the light has never wholly died away。 I was saved from
suicide。 Just how or when the change took place I cannot tell。
But as insensibly and gradually as the force of life had been
annulled within me； and I had reached my moral death…bed； just as
gradually and imperceptibly did the energy of life come back。
And what was strange was that this energy that came back was
nothing new。 It was my ancient juvenile force of faith； the
belief that the sole purpose of my life was to be BETTER。 I
gave up the life of the conventional world； recognizing it to be
no life； but a parody on life； which its superfluities simply
keep us from comprehending；〃and Tolstoy thereupon embraced the
life of the peasants； and has felt right and happy； or at least
relatively so； ever since。＇96＇
＇96＇ I have considerably abridged Tolstoy's words in my
translation。
As I interpret his melancholy； then； it was not merely an
accidental vitiation of his humors； though it was doubtless also
that。 It was logically called for by the clash between his inner
character and his outer activities and aims。 Although a literary
artist； Tolstoy was one of those primitive oaks of men to whom
the superfluities and insincerities； the cupidities；
complications； and cruelties of our polite civilization are
profoundly unsatisfying； and for whom the eternal veracities lie
with more natural and animal things。 His crisis was the getting
of his soul in order； the discovery of its genuine habitat and
vocation； the escape from falsehoods into what for him were ways
of truth。 It was a case of heterogeneous personality tardily and
slowly finding its unity and level。 And though not many of us can
imitate Tolstoy； not having enough； perhaps； of the aboriginal
human marrow in our bones； most of us may at least feel as if it
might be better for us if we could。
Bunyan's recovery seems to have been even slower。 For years
together he was alternately haunted with texts of Scripture； now
up and now down； but at last with an ever growing relief in his
salvation through the blood of Christ。
〃My peace would be in and out twenty times a day； comfort now and
trouble presently； peace now and before I could go a furlong as
fu