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SOCRATES
Plague seize the dunce and the fool！ Come； perchance you will
learn the rhythms quicker。
STREPSIADES
Will the rhythms supply me with food？
SOCRATES
First they will help you to be pleasant in company； then to know
what is meant by enhoplian rhythm and what by the dactylic。
STREPSIADES
Of the dactyl？ I know that quite well。
SOCRATES
What is it then； other than this finger here？
STREPSIADES
Formerly； when a child； I used this one。
SOCRATES
You are as low…minded as you are stupid。
STREPSIADES
But； wretched man； I do not want to learn all this。
SOCRATES
Then what do you want to know？
STREPSIADES
Not that； not that； but the art of false reasoning。
SOCRATES
But you must first learn other things。 Come； what are the male
quadrupeds？
STREPSIADES
Oh！ I know the males thoroughly。 Do you take me for a fool then？
The ram； the buck； the bull； the dog； the pigeon。
SOCRATES
Do you see what you are doing； is not the female pigeon called the
same as the male？
STREPSIADES
How else？ Come now！
SOCRATES
How else？ With you then it's pigeon and pigeon！
STREPSIADES
That's right； by Posidon！ but what names do you want me to give
them？
SOCRATES
Term the female pigeonnette and the male pigeon。
STREPSIADES
Pigeonnette！ hah！ by the Air！ That's splendid！ for that lesson
bring out your kneading…trough and I will fill him with flour to the
brim。
SOCRATES
There you are wrong again； you make trough masculine and it should
be feminine。
STREPSIADES
What？ if I say； him； do I make the trough masculine？
SOCRATES
Assuredly！ would you not say him for Cleonymus？
STREPSIADES
Well？
SOCRATES
Then trough is of the same gender as Cleonymus？
STREPSIADES
My good man！ Cleonymus never had a kneading…trough； he used a
round mortar for the purpose。 But come； tell me what I should say！
SOCRATES
For trough you should say her as you would for Soctrate。
STREPSIADES
Her？
SOCRATES
In this manner you make it truly female。
STREPSIADES
That's it！ Her for trough and her for Cleonymus。
SOCRATE；〃
Now I must teach you to distinguish the masculine proper names
from those that are feminine。
STREPSIADES
Ah！ I know the female names well。
SOCRATES
Name some then。
STREPSIADES
Lysilla； Philinna； Clitagora； Demetria。
SOCRATES
And what are masculine names？
STREPSIADES
They are are countless…Philoxenus； Melesias； Amynias。
SOCRATES
But； wretched man； the last two are not masculine。
STREPSIADES
You do not count them as masculine？
SOCRATES
Not at all。 If you met Amynias； how would you hail him？
STREPSIADES
How？ Why； I should shout； 〃Hi； there； Amynia！
SOCRATES
Do you see？ it's a female name that you give him。
STREPSIADES
And is it not rightly done； since he refuses military service？ But
what use is there in learning what we all know？
SOCRATES
You know nothing about it。 Come； lie down there。
STREPSIADES
What for？
SOCRATES
Ponder awhile over matters that interest you。
STREPSIADES
Oh！ I pray you； not there but； if I must lie down and ponder；
let me lie on the ground。
SOCRATES
That's out of the question。 Come！ on the couch！
STREPSIADES （as he lies down）
What cruel fate！ What a torture the bugs will this day put me to！
（Socrates turns aside。）
CHORUS （singing）
Ponder and examine closely； gather your thoughts together； let
your mind turn to every side of things； if you meet with a difficulty；
spring quickly to some other idea； above all； keep your eyes away from
all gentle sleep。
STREPSIADES （singing）
Ow； Wow； Wow； Wow is me！
CHORUS （singing）
What ails you？ why do you cry so？
STREPSIADES
Oh！ I am a dead man！ Here are these cursed Corinthians advancing
upon me from all corners of the couch； they are biting me； they are
gnawing at my sides； they are drinking all my blood； they are
yanking of my balls； they are digging into my arse； they are killing
me！
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Not so much wailing and clamour； if you please。
STREPSIADES
How can I obey？ I have lost my money and my complexion； my blood
and my slippers； and to cap my misery； I must keep awake on this
couch； when scarce a breath of life is left in me。
（A brief interval of silence ensues。）
SOCRATES
Well now！ what are you doing？ are you reflecting？
STREPSIADES
Yes； by Posidon！
SOCRATES
What about？
STREPSIADES
Whether the bugs will entirely devour me。
SOCRATES
May death seize you； accursed man！
（He turns aside again。）
STREPSIADES
Ah it has already。
SOCRATES
Come； no giving way！ Cover up your head； the thing to do is to
find an ingenious alternative。
STREPSIADES
An alternative！ ah！ I only wish one would come to me from within
these coverlets！
（Another interval of silence ensues。）
SOCRATES
Wait！ let us see what our fellow is doing！ Ho！ are you asleep？
STREPSIADES
No； by Apollo！
SOCRATES
Have you got hold of anything？
STREPSIADES
No； nothing whatever。
SOCRATES
Nothing at all？
STREPSIADES
No； nothing except my tool； which I've got in my hand。
SOCRATES
Aren't you going to cover your head immediately and ponder？
STREPSIADES
On what？ Come； Socrates； tell me。
SOCRATES
Think first what you want； and then tell me。
STREPSIADES
But I have told you a thousand times what I want。 Not to pay any
of my creditors。
SOCRATES
Come； wrap yourself up； concentrate your mind； which wanders to
lightly； study every detail； scheme and examine thoroughly。
STREPSIADES
Alas！ Alas！
SOCRATES
Keep still； and if any notion troubles you； put it quickly
aside； then resume it and think over it again。
STREPSIADES
My dear little Socrates！
SOCRATES
What is it； old greybeard？
STREPSIADES
I have a scheme for not paying my debts。
SOCRATES
Let us hear it。
STREPSIADES
Tell me； if I purchased a Thessalian witch； I could make the
moon descend during the night and shut it； like a mirror； into a round
box and there keep it carefully。。。。
SOCRATES
How would you gain by that？
STREPSIADES
How？ why； if the moon did not rise； I would have no interest to
pay。
SOCRATES
Why so？
STREPSIADES
Because money is lent by the month。
SOCRATES
Good！ but I am going to propose another trick to you。 If you
were condemned to pay five talents； how would you manage to quash that
verdict？ Te