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please you。 The more you curse； the greater my amusement！
STREPSIADES
Oh！ you ditch…arsed cynic！
PHIDIPPIDES
How fragrant the perfume breathed forth in your words。
STREPSIADES
Do you beat your own father？
PHIDIPPIDES
Yes； by Zeus！ and I am going to show you that I do right in
beating you。
STREPSIADES
Oh； wretch！ can it be right to beat a father？
PHIDIPPIDES
I will prove it to you； and you shall own yourself vanquished。
STREPSIADES
Own myself vanquished on a point like this？
PHIDIPPIDES
It's the easiest thing in the world。 Choose whichever of the two
reasonings you like。
STREPSIADES
Of which reasonings？
PHIDIPPIDES
The Stronger and the Weaker。
STREPSIADES
Miserable fellow！ Why； I am the one who had you taught how to
refute what is right。 and now you would persuade me it is right a
son should beat his father。
PHIDIPPIDES
I think I shall convince you so thoroughly that； when you have
heard me； you will not have a word to say。
STREPSIADES
Well； I am curious to hear what you have to say。
CHORUS （singing）
Consider well； old man； how you can best triumph over him。 His
brazenness shows me that he thinks himself sure of his case； he has
some argument which gives him nerve。 Note the confidence in his look！
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
But how did the fight begin？ tell the Chorus； you cannot help
doing that much。
STREPSIADES
I will tell you what was the start of the quarrel。 At the end of
the meal； as you know； I bade him take his lyre and sing me the air of
Simonides； which tells of the fleece of the ram。 He replied bluntly；
that it was stupid； while drinking； to play the lyre and sing； like
a woman when she is grinding barley。
PHIDIPPIDES
Why； by rights I ought to have beaten and kicked you the very
moment you told me to sing I
STREPSIADES
That is just how he spoke to me in the house； furthermore he
added； that Simonides was a detestable poet。 However； I mastered
myself and for a while said nothing。 Then I said to him； 'At least；
take a myrtle branch and recite a passage from Aeschylus to
me。'…'For my own part；' he at once replied； 'I look upon Aeschylus
as the first of poets； for his verses roll superbly； they're nothing
but incoherence； bombast and turgidity。' Yet still I smothered my
wrath and said； 'Then recite one of the famous pieces from the
modern poets。' Then he commenced a piece in which Euripides shows； oh！
horror！ a brother； who violates his own uterine sister。 Then I could
not longer restrain myself； and attacked him with the most injurious
abuse； naturally he retorted； hard words were hurled on both sides；
and finally he sprang at me； broke my bones； bore me to earth；
strangled and started killing me！
PHIDIPPIDES
I was right。 What！ not praise Euripides； the greatest of our
poets？
STREPSIADES
He the greatest of our poets？ Ah！ if I but dared to speak！ but the
blows would rain upon me harder than ever。
PHIDIPPIDES
Undoubtedly and rightly too。
STREPSIADES
Rightly！ Oh！ what impudence！ to me； who brought you up！ when you
could hardly lisp； I guessed what you wanted。 If you said broo；
broo； well； I brought you your milk； if you asked for mam mam； I
gave you bread； and you had no sooner said； caca； than I took you
outside and held you out。 And just now； when you were strangling me； I
shouted； I bellowed that I was about to crap； and you； you
scoundrel； had not the heart to take me outside； so that； though
almost choking； I was compelled to do my crapping right there。
CHORUS （singing）
Young men； your hearts must be panting with impatience。 What is
Phidippides going to say？ If； after such conduct； he proves he has
done well； I would not give an obolus for the hide of old men。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Come； you； who know how to brandish and hurl the keen shafts of
the new science； find a way to convince us； give your language an
appearance of truth。
PHIDIPPIDES
How pleasant it is to know these clever new inventions and to be
able to defy the established laws！ When I thought only about horses； I
was not able to string three words together without a mistake； but now
that the master has altered and improved me and that I live in this
world of subtle thought； of reasoning and of meditation； I count on
being able to prove satisfactorily that I have done well to thrash
my father。
STREPSIADES
Mount your horse！ By Zeus！ I would rather defray the keep of a
four…in…hand team than be battered with blows。
PHIDIPPIDES
I revert to what I was saying when you interrupted me。 And
first； answer me； did you beat me in my childhood？
STREPSIADES
Why； assuredly； for your good and in your own best interest。
PHIDIPPIDES
Tell me； is it not right； that in turn I should beat you for
your good； since it is for a man's own best interest to be beaten？
What！ must your body be free of blows； and not mine？ am I not
free…born too？ the children are to weep and the fathers go free？ You
will tell me； that according to the law； it is the lot of children
to be beaten。 But I reply that the old men are children twice over and
that it is far more fitting to chastise them than the young； for there
is less excuse for their faults。
STREPSIADES
But the law nowhere admits that fathers should be treated thus。
PHIDIPPIDES
Was not the legislator who carried this law a man like you and me？
In those days be got men to believe him； then why should not I too
have the right to establish for the future a new law； allowing
children to beat their fathers in turn？ We make you a present of all
the blows which were received before his law； and admit that you
thrashed us with impunity。 But look how the cocks and other animals
fight with their fathers； and yet what difference is there betwixt
them and ourselves； unless it be that they do not propose decrees？
STREPSIADES
But if you imitate the cocks in all things； why don't you
scratch up the dunghill； why don't you sleep on a perch？
PHIDIPPIDES
That has no bearing on the case； good sir； Socrates would find
no connection； I assure you。
STREPSIADES
Then do not beat at all； for otherwise you have only yourself to
blame afterwards。
PHIDIPPIDES
What for？
STREPSIADES
I have the right to chastise you； and you to chastise your son； if
you have one。
PHIDIPPIDES
And if I have not； I shall have cried in vain； and you will die
laughing in my face。
STREPSIADES
What say you； all here present？ It seems to me that he is right；
and I am of opinion that they should be accorded their right。 If we
think wrongly； it is but just we should be beaten。
PHIDIPPIDES
Again； consider this other point。
STREPSIADES
It will be the death of me。
PHIDIPPIDES
But you will certainly feel no more anger because of