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things so well； that madame was only conversing with her lord lover at
the time that her lord spouse was talking to the constable and the
king； at which he was pleased； and so was his wifea case of concord
rare in matrimony。
〃I was saying to monseigneur；〃 said the constable to the provost； as
he entered the king's apartment； 〃that every man in the kingdom has a
right to kill his wife and her lover if he finds them in an act of
infidelity。 But his majesty； who is clement； argues that he has only a
right to kill the man； and not the woman。 Now what would you do； Mr。
Provost； if by chance you found a gentleman taking a stroll in that
fair meadow of which laws； human and divine； enjoin you alone to
cultivate the verdure？〃
〃I would kill everything；〃 said the provost； 〃I would scrunch the five
hundred thousand devils of nature； flower and seed； and send them
flying； the pips and apples； the grass and the meadow； the woman and
the man。〃
〃You would be in the wrong；〃 said the king。 〃That is contrary to the
laws of the Church and of the State； of the State； because you might
deprive me of a subject； of the Church； because you would be sending
an innocent to limbo unshriven。〃
〃Sire； I admire your profound wisdom； and I clearly perceive you to be
the centre of all justice。〃
〃We can then only kill the knightAmen；〃 said constable； 〃Kill the
horseman。 Now go quickly to the house of the suspected lord； but
without letting yourself be bamboozled； do not forget what is due to
his position。〃
The provost； believing he would certainly be Chancellor of France if
he properly acquitted himself of the task； went from the castle into
the town； took his men； arrived at the nobleman's residence； arranged
his people outside； placed guards at all the doors； opened noiselessly
by order of the king； climbs the stairs； asks the servants in which
room their master is； puts them under arrest； goes up alone； and
knocks at the door of the room where the two lovers are tilting in
love's tournament； and says to them
〃Open； in the name of our lord the king！〃
The lady recognised her husband's voice； and could not repress a
smile； thinking that she had not waited for the king's orders to do
what she had done。 But after laughter came terror。 Her lover took his
cloak； threw it over him； and came to the door。 There； not knowing
that his life was in peril； he declared that he belonged to the court
and to the king's household。
〃Bah！〃 said the provost。 〃I have a strict order from the king； and
under pain of being treated as a rebel； you are bound instantly to
receive me。〃
Then the lord went out to him； still holding the door。
〃What do you want here？〃
〃An enemy of our lord the king； whom we command you to deliver into
our hands； otherwise you must follow me with him to the castle。〃
This； thought the lover； is a piece of treachery on the part of the
constable； whose proposition my dear mistress treated with scorn。 We
must get out of this scrape in some way。 Then turning towards the
provost； he went double or quits on the risk； reasoning thus with the
cuckold：
〃My friend； you know that I consider you but as gallant a man as it is
possible for a provost to be in the discharge of his duty。 Now； can I
have confidence in you？ I have here with me the fairest lady of the
court。 As for Englishmen； I have not sufficient of one to make the
breakfast of the constable； M。 de Richmond； who sends you here。 This
is （to be candid with you） the result of a bet made between myself and
the constable； who shares it with the King。 Both have wagered that
they know who is the lady of my heart； and I have wagered to the
contrary。 No one more than myself hates the English； who took my
estates in Piccadilly。 Is it not a knavish trick to put justice in
motion against me？ Ho！ Ho！ my lord constable； a chamberlain is worth
two of you； and I will beat you yet。 My dear Petit； I give you
permission to search by night and by day； every nook and cranny of my
house。 But come in here alone； search my room； turn the bed over； do
what you like。 Only allow me to cover with a cloth or a handkerchief
this fair lady； who is at present in the costume of an archangel； in
order that you may not know to what husband she belongs。〃
〃Willingly；〃 said the provost。 〃But I am an old bird； not easily
caught with chaff； and would like to be sure that it is really a lady
of the court； and not an Englishman； for these English have flesh as
white and soft as women； and I know it well； because I've hanged so
many of them。〃
〃Well then；〃 said the lord； 〃seeing of what crime I am suspected； from
which I am bound to free myself； I will go and ask my lady…love to
consent for a moment to abandon her modesty。 She is too fond of me to
refuse to save me from reproach。 I will beg her to turn herself over
and show you a physiognomy； which will in no way compromise her； and
will be sufficient to enable you to recognise a noble woman； although
she will be in a sense upside down。〃
〃All right；〃 said the provost。
The lady having heard every word； had folded up all her clothes； and
put them under the bolster； had taken off her chemise； that her
husband should not recognise it； had twisted her head up in a sheet；
and had brought to light the carnal convexities which commenced where
her spine finished。
〃Come in； my friend；〃 said the lord。
The provost looked up the chimney； opened the cupboard； the clothes'
chest； felt under the bed； in the sheets； and everywhere。 Then he
began to study what was on the bed。
〃My lord；〃 said he； regarding his legitimate appurtenances； 〃I have
seen young English lads with backs like that。 You must forgive me
doing my duty； but I must see otherwise。〃
〃What do you call otherwise？〃 said the lord。
〃Well； the other physiognomy； or； if you prefer it； the physiognomy of
the other。〃
〃Then you will allow madame to cover herself and arrange only to show
you sufficient to convince you；〃 said the lover； knowing that the lady
had a mark or two easy to recognise。 〃Turn your back a moment； so that
my dear lady may satisfy propriety。〃
The wife smiled at her lover； kissed him for his dexterity； arranging
herself cunningly； and the husband seeing in full that which the jade
had never let him see before； was quite convinced that no English
person could be thus fashioned without being a charming Englishwoman。
〃Yes； my lord；〃 he whispered in the ear of his lieutenant； 〃this is
certainly a lady of the court； because the towns…women are neither so
well formed nor so charming。〃
Then the house being thoroughly searched； and no Englishman found； the
provost returned； as the constable had told him； to the king's
residence。
〃Is he slain？〃 said the constable。
〃Who？〃
〃He who grafted horns upon your forehead。〃
〃I only saw a lady in his couch； who seemed to be greatly enjoying
herself with him