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Droll Stories ＇V。 3＇
by Honore de Balzac
COLLECTED FROM THE ABBEYS OF TOURAINE
VOLUME III： THE THIRD TEN TALES
CONTENTS
THE THIRD TEN TALES
PROLOGUE
PERSEVERANCE IN LOVE
CONCERNING A PROVOST WHO DID NOT RECOGNISE THINGS
ABOUT THE MONK AMADOR； WHO WAS A GLORIOUS ABBOT OF TURPENAY
BERTHA THE PENITENT
HOW THE PRETTY MAID OF PORTILLON CONVINCED HER JUDGE
IN WHICH IT IS DEMONSTRATED THAT FORTUNE IS ALWAYS FEMININE
CONCERNING A POOR MAN WHO WAS CALLED LE VIEUX PAR…CHEMINS
ODD SAYINGS OF THREE PILGRIMS
INNOCENCE
THE FAIR IMPERIA MARRIED
THIRD TEN TALES
PROLOGUE
Certain persons have interrogated the author as to why there was such
a demand for these tales that no year passes without his giving an
instalment of them； and why he has lately taken to writing commas
mixed up with bad syllables； at which the ladies publicly knit their
brows； and have put to him other questions of a like character。
The author declares that these treacherous words； cast like pebbles in
his path； have touched him in the very depths of his heart； and he is
sufficiently cognisant of his duty not to fail to give to his special
audience in this prologue certain reasons other than the preceding
ones； because it is always necessary to reason with children until
they are grown up； understand things； and hold their tongues； and
because he perceives many mischievous fellows among the crowd of noisy
people； who ignore at pleasure the real object of these volumes。
In the first place know； that if certain virtuous ladiesI say
virtuous because common and low class women do not read these stories；
preferring those that are never published； on the contrary； other
citizens' wives and ladies； of high respectability and godliness；
although doubtless disgusted with the subject…matter； read them
piously to satisfy an evil spirit； and thus keep themselves virtuous。
Do you understand； my good reapers of horns？ It is better to be
deceived by the tale of a book than cuckolded through the story of a
gentleman。 You are saved the damage by this； poor fools！ besides
which； often your lady becomes enamoured； is seized with fecund
agitations to your advantage； raised in her by the present book。
Therefore do these volumes assist to populate the land and maintain it
in mirth； honour and health。 I say mirth； because much is to be
derived from these tales。 I say honour； because you save your nest
from the claws of that youthful demon named cuckoldom in the language
of the Celts。 I say health； because this book incites that which was
prescribed by the Church of Salerno； for the avoidance of cerebral
plethora。 Can you derive a like proof in any other typographically
blackened portfolios？ Ha！ ha！ where are the books that make children？
Think！ Nowhere。 But you will find a glut of children making books
which beget nothing but weariness。
But to continue。 Now be it known that when ladies； of a virtuous
nature and a talkative turn of mind； converse publicly on the subject
of these volumes； a great number of them； far from reprimanding the
author； confess that they like him very much； esteem him a valiant
man； worthy to be a monk in the Abbey of Theleme。 For as many reasons
as there are stars in the heavens； he does not drop the style which he
has adopted in these said tales； but lets himself be vituperated； and
keeps steadily on his way； because noble France is a woman who refuses
to yield； crying； twisting about； and saying；
〃No； no； never！ Oh； sir； what are you going to do？ I won't let you；
you'd rumple me。〃
And when the volume is done and finished； all smiles； she exclaims；
〃Oh； master； are there any more to come？〃
You may take it for granted that the author is a merry fellow； who
troubles himself little about the cries； tears and tricks of the lady
you call glory； fashion； or public favour； for he knows her to be a
wanton who would put up with any violence。 He knows that in France her
war…cry is； Mount Joy！ A fine cry indeed； but one which certain
writers have disfigured； and which signifies； 〃Joy it is not of the
earth； it is there； seize it； otherwise good…bye。〃 The author has this
interpretation from Rabelais； who told it to him。 If you search
history； has France ever breathed a word when she was joyous mounted；
bravely mounted； passionately mounted； mounted and out of breath？ She
goes furiously at everything； and likes this exercise better than
drinking。 Now； do you not see that these volumes are French； joyfully
French； wildly French； French before； French behind； French to the
backbone。 Back then； curs！ strike up the music； silence； bigots！
advance my merry wags； my little pages； put your soft hands into the
ladies' hands and tickle them in the middleof the hand of course。
Ha！ ha！ these are high sounding and peripatetic reasons； or the author
knows nothing of sound and the philosophy of Aristotle。 He has on his
side the crown of France and the oriflamme of the king and Monsieur
St。 Denis； who； having lost his head； said 〃Mount…my…Joy！〃 Do you mean
to say； you quadrupeds； that the word is wrong？ No。 It was certainly
heard by a great many people at the time； but in these days of deep
wretchedness you believe nothing concerning the good old saints。
The author has not finished yet。 Know all ye who read these tales with
eye and hand； feel them in the head alone； and love them for the joy
they bring you； and which goes to your heart； know that the author
having in an evil hour let his ideas； /id est/； his inheritance； go
astray； and being unable to get them together again； found himself in
a state of mental nudity。 Then he cried like the woodcutter in the
prologue of the book of his dear master Rabelais； in order to make
himself heard by the gentleman on high； Lord Paramount of all things；
and obtain from Him fresh ideas。 This said Most High； still busy with
the congress of the time； threw to him through Mercury an inkstand
with two cups； on which was engraved； after the manner of a motto；
these three letters； /Ave/。 Then the poor fellow； perceiving no other
help； took great care to turn over this said inkstand to find out the
hidden meaning of it； thinking over the mysterious words and trying to
find a key to them。 First； he saw that God was polite； like the great
Lord as He is； because the world is His； and He holds the title of it
from no one。 But since； in thinking over the days of his youth； he
remembered no great service rendered to God； the author was in doubt
concerning this hollow civility； and pondered long without finding out
the real substance of the celestial utensil。 By reason of turning it
and twisting it about； studying it； looking at it； feeling it；
emptying it； knocking it in an interrogatory manner； smacking it down；
standing it up straight； standing it on one side； and turning it
upside down； he read backwards /Eva/。 Who is /Eva/； if not