confessions of an english opium-eater-第6章

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t　is　a　miserable　corrupter　and　blighter　to　the　genial　charities　of　the　human　heart。

Soon　after　this　I　contrived；　by　means　which　I　must　omit　for　want　of　room；　to　transfer　myself　to　London。　　And　now　began　the　latter　and　fiercer　stage　of　my　long　sufferings；　without　using　a　disproportionate　expression　I　might　say；　of　my　agony。　　For　I　now　suffered；　for　upwards　of　sixteen　weeks；　the　physical　anguish　of　hunger　in。　　I　various　degrees　of　intensity；　but　as　bitter　perhaps　as　ever　any　human　being　can　have　suffered　who　has　survived　it　would　not　needlessly　harass　my　reader's　feelings　by　a　detail　of　all　that　I　endured；　for　extremities　such　as　these；　under　any　circumstances　of　heaviest　misconduct　or　guilt；　cannot　be　contemplated；　even　in　description；　without　a　rueful　pity　that　is　painful　to　the　natural　goodness　of　the　human　heart。　　Let　it　suffice；　at　least　on　this　occasion；　to　say　that　a　few　fragments　of　bread　from　the　breakfast…　table　of　one　individual　（who　supposed　me　to　be　ill；　but　did　not　know　of　my　being　in　utter　want）；　and　these　at　uncertain　intervals；　constituted　my　whole　support。　　During　the　former　part　of　my　sufferings　（that　is；　generally　in　Wales；　and　always　for　the　first　two　months　in　London）　I　was　houseless；　and　very　seldom　slept　under　a　roof。　　　To　this　constant　exposure　to　the　open　air　I　ascribe　it　mainly　that　I　did　not　sink　under　my　torments。　　Latterly；　however；　when　colder　and　more　inclement　weather　came　on；　and　when；　from　the　length　of　m　sufferings；　I　had　begun　to　sink　into　a　more　languishing　condition；　it　was　no　doubt　fortunate　for　me　that　the　same　person　to　whose　breakfast…table　I　had　access；　allowed　me　to　sleep　in　a　large　unoccupied　house　of　which　he　was　tenant。　　Unoccupied　I　call　it；　for　there　was　no　household　or　establishment　in　it；　nor　any　furniture；　indeed；　except　a　table　and　a　few　chairs。　　But　I　found；　on　taking　possession　of　my　new　quarters；　that　the　house　already　contained　one　single　inmate；　a　poor　friendless　child；　apparently　ten　years　old；　but　she　seemed　hunger…bitten；　and　sufferings　of　that　sort　often　make　children　look　older　than　they　are。　　From　this　forlorn　child　I　learned　that　she　had　slept　and　lived　there　alone　for　some　time　before　I　came；　and　great　joy　the　poor　creature　expressed　when　she　found　that　I　was　in　future　to　be　her　companion　through　the　hours　of　darkness。　　The　house　was　large；　and；　from　the　want　of　furniture；　the　noise　of　the　rats　made　a　prodigious　echoing　on　the　spacious　staircase　and　hall；　and　amidst　the　real　fleshly　ills　of　cold　and；　I　fear；　hunger；　the　forsaken　child　had　found　leisure　to　suffer　still　more　（it　appeared）　from　the　self…created　one　of　ghosts。　　I　promised　her　protection　against　all　ghosts　whatsoever；　but　alas！　I　could　offer　her　no　other　assistance。　　We　lay　upon　the　floor；　with　a　bundle　of　cursed　law　papers　for　a　pillow；　but　with　no　other　covering　than　a　sort　of　large　horseman's　cloak；　afterwards；　however；　we　discovered　in　a　garret　an　old　sofa…cover；　a　small　piece　of　rug；　and　some　fragments　of　other　articles；　which　added　a　little　to　our　warmth。　The　poor　child　crept　close　to　me　for　warmth；　and　for　security　against　her　ghostly　enemies。　　When　I　was　not　more　than　usually　ill　I　took　her　into　my　arms；　so　that　in　general　she　was　tolerably　warm；　and　often　slept　when　I　could　not；　for　during　the　last　two　months　of　my　sufferings　I　slept　much　in　daytime；　and　was　apt　to　fall　into　transient　dosings　at　all　hours。　　But　my　sleep　distressed　me　more　than　my　watching；　for　beside　the　tumultuousness　of　my　dreams　（which　were　only　not　so　awful　as　those　which　I　shall　have　to　describe　hereafter　as　produced　by　opium）；　my　sleep　was　never　more　than　what　is　called　DOG…SLEEP；　so　that　I　could　hear　myself　moaning；　and　was　often；　as　it　seemed　to　me；　awakened　suddenly　by　my　own　voice；　and　about　this　time　a　hideous　sensation　began　to　haunt　me　as　soon　as　I　fell　into　a　slumber；　which　has　since　returned　upon　me　at　different　periods　of　my　lifeviz。；　a　sort　of　twitching　（I　know　not　where；　but　apparently　about　the　region　of　the　stomach）　which　compelled　me　violently　to　throw　out　my　feet　for　the　sake　of　relieving　it。　　This　sensation　coming　on　as　soon　as　I　began　to　sleep；　and　the　effort　to　relieve　it　constantly　awaking　me；　at　length　I　slept　only　from　exhaustion；　and　from　increasing　weakness　（as　I　said　before）　I　was　constantly　falling　asleep　and　constantly　awaking。　　Meantime；　the　master　of　the　house　sometimes　came　in　upon　us　suddenly；　and　very　early；　sometimes　not　till　ten　o'clock；　sometimes　not　at　all。　　He　was　in　constant　fear　of　bailiffs。　　Improving　on　the　plan　of　Cromwell；　every　night　he　slept　in　a　different　quarter　of　London；　and　I　observed　that　he　never　failed　to　examine　through　a　private　window　the　appearance　of　those　who　knocked　at　the　door　before　he　would　allow　it　to　be　opened。　　He　breaksfasted　alone；　indeed；　his　tea　equipage　would　hardly　have　admitted　of　his　hazarding　an　invitation　to　a　second　person；　any　more　than　the　quantity　of　esculent　materiel；　which　for　the　most　part　was　little　more　than　a　roll　or　a　few　biscuits　which　he　had　bought　on　his　road　from　the　place　where　he　had　slept。　　Or；　if　he　HAD　asked　a　partyas　I　once　learnedly　and　facetiously　observed　to　himthe　several　members　of　it　must　have　STOOD　in　the　relation　to　each　other　（not　SATE　in　any　relation　whatever）　of　succession；　as　the　metaphysicians　have　it；　and　not　of　a　coexistence；　in　the　relation　of　the　parts　of　time；　and　not　of　the　parts　of　space。　　During　his　breakfast　I　generally　contrived　a　reason　for　lounging　in；　and；　with　an　air　of　as　much　indifference　as　I　could　assume；　took　up　such　fragments　as　he　had　left；　sometimes；　indeed；　there　were　none　at　all。　　In　doing　this　I　committed　no　robbery　except　upon　the　man　himself；　who　was　thus　obliged　（I　believe）　now　and　then　to　send　out　at　noon　for　an　extra　biscuit；　for　as　to　the　poor　child；　SHE　was　never　admitted　into　his　study　（if　I　may　give　that　name　to　his　chief　depository　of　parchments；　law　writings；　&c。）；　that　room　was　to　her　the　Bluebeard　room　of　the　house；　being　regularly　locked　on　his　departure　to　dinner；　about　six　o'clock；　which　usually　was　his　final　departure　for　the　night。　　Whether　this　child　were　an　illegitimate　daughter　of　Mr。　…；　or　only　a　servant；　I　could　not　ascertain；　she　did　not　herself　know；　but　certainly　she　was　treated　altogether　as　a　menial　servant。　　No　sooner　did　Mr。make　his　appearance　than　she　went　below　stairs；　brushed　his　shoes；　coat；　&c。；　and；　except　when　she　was　summoned　to　run　an　errand；　she　never　emerged　from　the　dismal　Tartarus　of　the　kitchen；　&c。；　to　the　upper　air　until　my　welcome　knock　at　night　called　up　her　little　trembling　footsteps　to　the　front　door。　　Of　her　life　during　the　daytime；　however；　I　knew　little　but　what　I　gathered　from　her　own　account　at　night；　for　as　soon　as　the　hours　of　business　commenced　I　saw　that　my　absence　would　be　acceptable；　and　in　general；　therefore；　I　went　off　and　sate　in　the　parks　or　elsewhere　until　nightfall。

But　who　and　what；　meantime；　was　the　master　of　the　house　himself？　Reader；　he　was　one　of　those　anomalous　practitioners　in　lower　departments　of　the　law　whowhat　shall　I　say？who　on　prudential　reasons；　or　from　necessity；　deny　themselves　all　indulgence　in　the　luxury　of　too　delicate　a　conscience；　（a　periphrasis　which　might　be　abridged　considerably；　but　THAT　I　leave