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happy without health； without beauty； without money； and without understanding。〃 This story he told me himself； and when I expressed something of the horror I felt； 〃The same stupidity；〃 said he； 〃which prompted her to extol felicity she never felt； hindered her from feeling what shocks you on repetition。 I tell you； the woman is ugly and sickly and foolish and poor； and would it not make a man hang himself to hear such a creature say it was happy？
〃The life of a sailor was also a continual scene of danger and exertion；〃 he said； 〃and the manner in which time was spent shipboard would make all who saw a cabin envy a gaol。〃 The roughness of the language used on board a man…of…war； where he passed a week on a visit to Captain Knight； disgusted him terribly。 He asked an officer what some place was called； and received for answer； that it was where the loplolly man kept his loplolly； a reply he considered； not unjustly； as disrespectful； gross； and ignorant； for though in the course of these memoirs I have been led to mention Dr。 Johnson's tenderness towards POOR people； I do not wish to mislead my readers； and make them think he had any delight in MEAN manners or coarse expressions。 Even dress itself； when it resembled that of the vulgar； offended him exceedingly； and when he had condemned me many times for not adorning my children with more show than I thought useful or elegant； I presented a little girl to him who came o'visiting one evening covered with shining ornaments； to see if he would approve of the appearance she made。 When they were gone home； 〃Well； sir；〃 said I； 〃how did you like little miss？ I hope she was FINE enough。〃 〃It was the finery of a beggar；〃 said he； 〃and you know it was； she looked like a native of Cow Lane dressed up to be carried to Bartholomew Fair。〃
His reprimand to another lady for crossing her little child's handkerchief before； and by that operation dragging down its head oddly and unintentionally； was on the same principle。 〃It is the beggar's fear of cold；〃 said he； 〃that prevails over such parents； and so they pull the poor thing's head down； and give it the look of a baby that plays about Westminster Bridge； while the mother sits shivering in a niche。〃
I commended a young lady for her beauty and pretty behaviour one day； however； to whom I thought no objection could have been made。 〃I saw her；〃 says Dr。 Johnson； 〃take a pair of scissors in her left hand； though； and for all her father is now become a nobleman； and as you say； excessively rich； I should； were I a youth of quality ten years hence； hesitate between a girl so neglected； and a NEGRO。〃
It was indeed astonishing how he COULD remark such minutenesses with a sight so miserably imperfect； but no accidental position of a ribband escaped him； so nice was his observation； and so rigorous his demands of propriety。 When I went with him to Lichfield and came downstairs to breakfast at the inn； my dress did not please him； and he made me alter it entirely before he would stir a step with us about the town； saying most satirical things concerning the appearance I made in a riding…habit； and adding； 〃'Tis very strange that such eyes as yours cannot discern propriety of dress。 If I had a sight only half as good； I think I should see to the centre。〃
My compliances； however； were of little worth。 What really surprised me was the victory he gained over a lady little accustomed to contradiction； who had dressed herself for church at Streatham one Sunday morning in a manner he did not approve； and to whom he said such sharp and pungent things concerning her hat； her gown； etc。； that she hastened to change them； and returning quite another figure received his applause； and thanked him for his reproofs； much to the amazement of her husband； who could scarcely believe his own ears。
Another lady； whose accomplishments he never denied； came to our house one day covered with diamonds； feathers； etc。； and he did not seem inclined to chat with her as usual。 I asked him why； when the company was gone。 〃Why； her head looked so like that of a woman who shows puppets；〃 said he； 〃and her voice so confirmed the fancy； that I could not bear her today。 When she wears a large cap I can talk to her。〃
When the ladies wore lace trimmings to their clothes he expressed his contempt of the reigning fashion in these terms： 〃A Brussels trimming is like bread sauce；〃 said he； 〃it takes away the glow of colour from the gown； and gives you nothing instead of it。 But sauce was invented to heighten the flavour of our food； and trimming is an ornament to the manteau or it is nothing。 Learn；〃 said he； 〃that there is propriety or impropriety in everything how slight soever； and get at the general principles of dress and of behaviour； if you then transgress them you will at least know that they are not observed。〃
All these exactnesses in a man who was nothing less than exact himself made him extremely impracticable as an inmate； though most instructive as companion and useful as a friend。 Mr。 Thrale； too； could sometimes overrule his rigidity by saying coldly； 〃There； there； now we have had enough for one lecture； Dr。 Johnson。 We will not be upon education any more till after dinner； if you please；〃 or some such speech。 But when there was nobody to restrain his dislikes it was extremely difficult to find anybody with whom he could converse without living always on the verge of a quarrel； or of something too like a quarrel to be pleasing。 I came into the room； for example； one evening where he and a gentleman； whose abilities we all respect exceedingly； were sitting。 A lady who walked in two minutes before me had blown 'em both into a flame by whispering something to Mr。 S…d； which he endeavoured to explain away so as not to affront the Doctor； whose suspicions were all alive。 〃And have a care； sir；〃 said he； just as I came in； 〃the Old Lion will not bear to be tickled。〃 The other was pale with rage； the lady wept at the confusion she had caused； and I could only say with Lady Macbeth
〃Soh！ you've displac'd the mirth； broke the good meeting With most admir'd disorder。〃
Such accidents； however； occurred too often； and I was forced to take advantage of my lost lawsuit and plead inability of purse to remain longer in London or its vicinage。 I had been crossed in my intentions of going abroad； and found it convenient； for every reason of health； peace； and pecuniary circumstances； to retire to Bath； where I knew Mr。 Johnson would not follow me； and where I could for that reason command some little portion of time for my own use； a thing impossible while I remained at Streatham or at London； as my hours； carriage； and servants had long been at his command； who would not rise in the morning till twelve o'clock； perhaps； and oblige me to make breakfast for him till the bell rung for dinner； though much displeased if the toilet was neglected； and though much of the time we passed together was spent in blaming or deriding； very justly； my neglect of economy and waste of that money which might make many families happy。 The original reason of our connection； his PARTICULARLY DISORDERED HEALTH AND SPIRITS； had been long at an end； an