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im away; and told him to whom he had been talking; received an answer which I will not write down。
Though no man; perhaps; made such rough replies as Dr。 Johnson; yet nobody had a more just aversion to general satire; he always hated and censured Swift for his unprovoked bitterness against the professors of medicine; and used to challenge his friends; when they lamented the exorbitancy of physicians' fees; to produce him one instance of an estate raised by physic in England。 When an acquaintance; too; was one day exclaiming against the tediousness of the law and its partiality: 〃Let us hear; sir;〃 said Johnson; 〃no general abuse; the law is the last result of human wisdom acting upon human experience for the benefit of the public。〃
As the mind of Dr。 Johnson was greatly expanded; so his first care was for general; not particular or petty morality; and those teachers had more of his blame than praise; I think; who seek to oppress life with unnecessary scruples。 〃Scruples would;〃 as he observed; 〃certainly make men miserable; and seldom make them good。 Let us ever;〃 he said; 〃studiously fly from those instructors against whom our Saviour denounces heavy judgments; for having bound up burdens grievous to be borne; and laid them on the shoulders of mortal men。〃 No one had; however; higher notions of the hard task of true Christianity than Johnson; whose daily terror lest he had not done enough; originated in piety; but ended in little less than disease。 Reasonable with regard to others; he had formed vain hopes of performing impossibilities himself; and finding his good works ever below his desires and intent; filled his imagination with fears that he should never obtain forgiveness for omissions of duty and criminal waste of time。 These ideas kept him in constant anxiety concerning his salvation; and the vehement petitions he perpetually made for a longer continuance on earth; were doubtless the cause of his so prolonged existence: for when I carried Dr。 Pepys to him in the year 1782; it appeared wholly impossible for any skill of the physician or any strength of the patient to save him。 He was saved that time; however; by Sir Lucas's prescriptions; and less skill on one side; or less strength on the other; I am morally certain; would not have been enough。 He had; however; possessed an athletic constitution; as he said the man who dipped people in the sea at Brighthelmstone acknowledged; for seeing Mr。 Johnson swim; in the year 1766; 〃Why; sir;〃 says the dipper; 〃you must have been a stout…hearted gentleman forty years ago。〃
Mr。 Thrale and he used to laugh about that story very often: but Garrick told a better; for he said that in their young days; when some strolling players came to Lichfield; our friend had fixed his place upon the stage; and got himself a chair accordingly; which leaving for a few minutes; he found a man in it at his return; who refused to give it back at the first entreaty。 Mr。 Johnson; however; who did not think it worth his while to make a second; took chair and man and all together; and threw them all at once into the pit。 I asked the Doctor if this was a fact。 〃Garrick has not SPOILED it in the telling;〃 said he; 〃it is very NEAR true; to be sure。〃
Mr。 Beauclerc; too; related one day how on some occasion he ordered two large mastiffs into his parlour; to show a friend who was conversant in canine beauty and excellence how the dogs quarrelled; and fastening on each other; alarmed all the company except Johnson; who seizing one in one hand by the cuff of the neck; the other in the other hand; said gravely; 〃Come; gentlemen! where's your difficulty? put one dog out at the door; and I will show this fierce gentleman the way out of the window:〃 which; lifting up the mastiff and the sash; he contrived to do very expeditiously; and much to the satisfaction of the affrighted company。 We inquired as to the truth of this curious recital。 〃The dogs have been somewhat magnified; I believe; sir;〃 was the reply: 〃they were; as I remember; two stout young pointers; but the story has gained but little。〃
One reason why Mr。 Johnson's memory was so particularly exact; might be derived from his rigid attention to veracity; being always resolved to relate every fact as it stood; he looked even on the smaller parts of life with minute attention; and remembered such passages as escape cursory and common observers。 〃A story;〃 says he; 〃is a specimen of human manners; and derives its sole value from its truth。 When Foote has told me something; I dismiss it from my mind like a passing shadow: when Reynolds tells me something; I consider myself as possessed of an idea the more。〃
Mr。 Johnson liked a frolic or a jest well enough; though he had strange serious rules about it too: and very angry was he if anybody offered to be merry when he was disposed to be grave。 〃You have an ill…founded notion;〃 said he; 〃that it is clever to turn matters off with a joke (as the phrase is); whereas nothing produces enmity so certain as one persons showing a disposition to be merry when another is inclined to be either serious or displeased。〃
One may gather from this how he felt when his Irish friend Grierson; hearing him enumerate the qualities necessary to the formation of a poet; began a comical parody upon his ornamented harangue in praise of a cook; concluding with this observation; that he who dressed a good dinner was a more excellent and a more useful member of society than he who wrote a good poem。 〃And in this opinion;〃 said Mr。 Johnson in reply; 〃all the dogs in the town will join you。〃
Of this Mr。 Grierson I have heard him relate many droll stories; much to his advantage as a wit; together with some facts more difficult to be accounted for; as avarice never was reckoned among the vices of the laughing world。 But Johnson's various life; and spirit of vigilance to learn and treasure up every peculiarity of manner; sentiment; or general conduct; made his company; when he chose to relate anecdotes of people he had formerly known; exquisitely amusing and comical。 It is indeed inconceivable what strange occurrences he had seen; and what surprising things he could tell when in a communicative humour。 It is by no means my business to relate memoirs of his acquaintance; but it will serve to show the character of Johnson himself; when I inform those who never knew him that no man told a story with so good a grace; or knew so well what would make an effect upon his auditors。 When he raised contributions for some distressed author; or wit in want; he often made us all more than amends by diverting descriptions of the lives they were then passing in corners unseen by anybody but himself; and that odd old surgeon whom he kept in his house to tend the out…pensioners; and of whom he said most truly and sublimely that
〃In misery's darkest caverns known; His useful care was ever nigh; Where hopeless anguish pours her groan; And lonely want retires to die。〃
I have forgotten the year; but it could scarcely I think be later than 1765 or 1766; that he was called abruptly from our house after dinner; and returning in about three hours; said he had been with an enraged author; whose