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the choir invisible-第51章

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rts of the land。

John Gray's school…children grew to be men and women。 For the men there were no longer battles to fight in Kentucky; but there were the wars of the Nation; and far away on the widening boundaries of the Republic they conquered or failed and fell; as volunteers with Perry in the victory on Lake Erie; in the awful massacre at the River Raisin; under Harrison at the Thames; in the mud and darkness of the Mississippi at New Orleans; repelling Pakenham's charge with Wellington's veteran; victory…flushed campaigners。

The school…master's friend; the parson; he too had known his more peaceful warfare; having married and become a manifold father。 Of a truth it was feared at one period that the parson was running altogether to prayers and daughters。 For it was remarked that with each birth; his petitions seemed longer and his voice to rise from behind the chancel with a fresh wail as of one who felt a growing grievance both against himself and the almighty。 Howbeit; innocently enough after the appearance of the fifth female infant; one morning he preached the words: 〃No man knoweth what manner of creature he is〃; and was unaware that a sudden smile rippled over the faces of his hearers。 But it was not until later on when mother and six were packed into one short pew at morning service; that they became known in a body as the parson's Collect for all Sundays。

Sometimes the little ones were divided and part of them sat in another pew where there was a single occupanta womanchildless。

〃Yes〃;〃 she had said; 〃I shall go softly all my years。〃

The plants she had brought that summer from Virginia had long since become old bushes。 The Virginia Creeper had climbed to the tops of the trees。 The garden; though in the same spot; was another place now; with vine…heavy arbours and sodden walks running between borders of flowers and vegetablesdaffodils and thymein the quaint Virginia fashion。 There was a lawn covered as the ancestral one had been with the feathery grass of England。 There was a park where the deer remained at home in their wilderness。

Crowning this landscape of comfort and good taste; stood the house。 Often of nights when its roof lay deep under snow and the eaves were bearded with hoary icicles; there were candles twinkling at every window and the sounds of music and dancing in the parlours。 Once a year there was a great venison supper in the dining…room; draped with holly and mistletoe。 On Christmas eve man a child's sock or stocking was hungno one knew when or by whomaround the shadowy chimney…seat of her room; and every Christmas morning the little negros from the cabins knew to whom each of these belonged。 In spring; parties of young girls and youths came out from town for fishing parties and picknicked in the lawn amid the dandelions and under the song of the blackbird; during the summer; for days at a time; other gay company filled the house; of autumns there were nutting parties in the russet woods。 Other guests also; not young; not gay。 Aaron Burr was entertained there; there met for counsel the foremost Western leaders in his magnificent conspiracy。 More than one great man of his day; middle…aged; unmarried; began his visits; returned oftener for awhilealways aloneand one day drove away disappointed。

Through seasons and changes she had gone softly: never retreating from life but drawing about her as closely as she could its ties; its sympathies; it duties: in all things a character of the finest equipois; the truest moderation。

But these are women of the worldsome of us men may have discerned one of them in the sweep of our experiencesto whom the joy and the sorrow come alike with quietness。 For them there is neither the cry of sudden delight nor the cry of sudden anguish。 Gazing deep into their eyes; we are reminded of the light of dim churches; hearing their voices; we dream of some minstrel whose murmurs reach us imperfectly through his fortress wall; beholding the sweetness of their faces; we are touched as by the appeal of the mute flowers; merely meeting them in the street; we recall the long…vanished image of the Divine Goodess。 They are the women who have missed happiness and who know it; but having failed of affection; give themselves to duty。 And so life never rises high and close about them as about one who stands waist…deep in a wheat…field; gathering at will either its poppies or its sheaves; it flows forever away as from one who pauses waist…deep in a stream and hearkens rather to the rush of all things toward the eternal deeps。 It was into the company of theses quieter pilgrims that she had passed: she had missed happiness twice。

Her beauty had never failed。 Nature had fought hard in her for all things; and to the last youth of her womanhood it burned like an autumn rose which some morning we may have found on the lawn under a dew that is turning to ice。 But when youth was gone; in the following years her face began to reflect the freshness of Easter lilies。 For prayer will in time make the human countenance its own divinest alter; years upon years of true thoughts; like ceaseless music shut up within; will vibrate along the nerves of expression until the lines of the living instrument are drawn into correspondence; and the harmony of visible form matches the unheard harmonies of the mind。 It was about this time also that there fell upon her hair the earliest rays of the light which is the dawn of Eternal Morning。

She had never ceased to watch his career as part of her very life。 Time was powerless to remove him farther from her than destiny had removed him long before: it was always yesterday; the whole past with him seemed caught upon the clearest mirror just at her back。 Once or twice a year she received a letter; books; papers; something; she had been kept informed of the birth of his children。 From other sourceshis letters to the parson; traders between Philadelphia and the Westshe knew other things: he had risen in the world; was a judge; often leading counsel in great cases; was almost a great man。 She planted her pride; her gratitude; her happiness; on this new soil: they were the few seed that a woman in the final years will sow in a window…box and cover the window…pane and watch and water and wake and think of in the nightshe who was used once to range the fields。

But never from the first to last had she received a letter from him that was transparent; the mystery stayed unlifted; she had to accept the constancy of his friendship without its confidence。 Question or chiding of course there never was from her; inborn refinement alone would have kept her from curiosity or prying; but she could not put away the conviction that the concealment which he steadily adhered to was either delicately connected with his marriage or registered but too plainly some downward change in himself。 Which was it; or was it both? Had he too missed happiness? Missed it as she hadby a union with a perfectly commonplace; plodding; unimaginative; unsympathetic; unrefined nature? And was it a mercy to be able to remember him; not to know him?

These thoughts filled her so often; so often! For into the busiest lifethe life that toils to shut out thoughtthe inevitable leisure will com
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