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He told her of the necessity that had kept him from speaking sooner; of the recent change which made it possible。 He explained how he had waited and planned and had shaped his whole life with the thought that she would share it。 She had listened with greater interest especially to what he had said about the improvement in his fortunes。 Her head had dropped slightly forward as though she were thinking that after all perhaps she had made a mistake。 But she now lifted it with deliberateness:
〃And what right had you to be so sure all this time that I would marry you whenever you asked me? What right had you to take it for granted that whenever you were ready; I would be?〃
The hot flush of shame dyed his face that she could deal herself such a wound and not even know it。
He drew himself up again; sparing her:
〃I loved you。 I could not love without hoping。 I could not hope without planning。 Hoping; planning; striving;everything!it was all because I loved you!〃 And then he waited; looking down on her in silence。
She began to grow nervous。 She had stooped to pick up the thread of flax and was passing it slowly between her fingers。 When he spoke again; his voice showed that he shook like a man with a chill: 〃I have said all I can say。 I have offered all I have to offer。 I am waiting。〃
Still the silence lasted for the new awe of him that began to fall upon her。 In ways she could not fathom she was beginning to feel that a change had come over him during these weeks of their separation。 He used more gentleness with her: his voice; his manner; his whole bearing; had finer courtesy; he had strangely ascended to some higher level of character; and he spoke to her from this distance with a sadness that touched her indefinablywith a larger manliness that had its quick effect。 She covertly lifted her eyes and beheld on his face a proud passion of beauty and of pain beyond anything that she had ever thought possible to him or to any man。 She quickly dropped her head again; she shifted her position; a band seemed to tighten around her throat; until; in a voice hardly to be heard; she murmured falteringly:
〃I have promised to marry Joseph。〃
He did not speak or move; but continued to stand leaning against the lintel of the doorway; looking down on her。 The colour was fading from the west leaving it ashen white。 And so standing in the dying radiance; he saw the long bright day of his young hope come to its close; he drained to its dregs his cup of bitterness she had prepared for him; learned his first lesson in the victory of little things over the larger purposes of life; over the nobler planning; bit the dust of the heart's first defeat and tragedy。
She had caught up the iron shears in her nervousness and begun to cut the flaxen thread; and in the silence of the room only the rusty click was now heard as she clipped it; clipped it; clipped it。
Then such a greater trembling seized her that she laid the shears back upon the table。 Still he did not move or speak; and there seemed to fall upon her consciencein insupportable burden until; as if by no will of her own; she spoke again pitifully:
〃I didn't know that you cared so much for me。 It isn't my fault。 You had never asked me; and he had already asked me twice。〃 He changed his position quickly so that the last light coming in through the window could no longer betray his face。 All at once his voice broke through the darkness; so unlike itself that she started:
〃When did you give him this promise? I have no right to ask 。 。 。 when did you give him this promise?〃
She answered as if by no will of her own:〃The night of the ballas we were going home。〃
She waited until she felt that she should sink to the ground。
Then he spoke again as if rather to himself than to her; and with the deepest sorrow and pity for them both:
〃If I had gone with you that nightif I had gone with you that nightand had asked youyou would have married me。〃
Her lips began to quiver and all that was in her to break down before himto yearn for him。 In a voice neither could scarce hear she said:
〃I will marry you yet!〃
She listened。 She waited; Out of the darkness she could distinguish not the rustle of a movement; not a breath of sound; and at last cowering back into herself with shame; she buried her face in her hands。
Then she was aware that he had come forward and was standing over her。 He bent his head down so close that his lids touched her hairso close that his warm breath was on her foreheadand she felt rather than knew him saying to himself; not to her:
〃Good…bye!〃
He passed like a tall spirit out of the door; and she heard his footsteps die away along the pathdie slowly away as of one who goes never to return。
XV
A JEST may be the smallest pebble that was ever dropped into the sunny mid…ocean of the mind; but sooner or later it sinks to a hard bottom; sooner or later sends it ripples toward the shores where the caves of the fatal passions yawn and roar for wreckage。 It is the Comedy of speech that forever dwells as Tragedy's fondest sister; sharing with her the same unmarked domain; for the two are but identical forces of the mind in gentle and in ungentle action as one atmosphere holds within itself unseparated the zephyr and the storm。
The following afternoon O'Bannon was ambling back to townslowly and awkwardly; he being a poor rider and dreading a horse's back as he would have avoided its kick。 He was returning from the paper mill at Georgetown whither he had been sent by Mr。 Bradford with an order for a further supply of sheets。 The errand had not been a congenial one; and he was thinking now as often before that he would welcome any chance of leaving the editor's service。 What he had always coveted since his coming into the wilderness was the young master's school; for the Irish teacher; afterwards so well known a figure in the West; was even at this time beginning to bend his mercurial steps across the mountains。 Out of his covetousness had sprung perhaps his enmity toward the master; whom he further despised for his Scotch blood; and in time had grown to dislike from motives of jealousy; and last of all to hate for his simple purity。 Many a man nurses a grudge of this kind against his human brother and will take pains to punish him accordingly; for success in virtue is as hard for certain natures to witness as success in anything else will irritate those whose nerveless or impatient or ill…directed grasp it has wisely eluded。
On all accounts therefore it had fallen well to his purpose to make the schoolmaster the dupe of a disagreeable jest。 The jest had had unexpectedly serious consequences: it had brought about the complete discomfiture of John in his love affair; it had caused the trouble behind the troubled face with which he had looked out upon every one during his illness。
The two young men had never met since; but the one was under a cloud; the other was refulgent with his petty triumph; and he had set his face all the more toward any further aggressiveness that occasion should bring happily to his hand。
The mere road might have shamed him into manlier reflections。 It was one of the forest highways of the majestic bison opene