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my teachings； I should not altogether grieve for the good I had done。
I added that if all the States should pass such a law； and other laws
fixing a low price for a certain number of seats at the theatres； or
obliging the managers to give one free performance every month； as the
law does in Paris； and should then forbid indecent and immoral plays
〃I see what you mean；〃 said my friend； a little impatiently。 〃You mean
sumptuary legislation。 But I have not come to talk to you upon that
subject； for then you would probably want to do all the talking yourself。
I want to ask you if you have visited any of the cheaper amusements of
this metropolis； or know anything of the really clever and charming
things one may see there for a very little money。〃
〃Ten cents； for instance？〃
〃Yes。〃
I answered that I would never own to having come as low down as that； and
I expressed a hardy and somewhat inconsistent doubt of the quality of the
amusement that could be had for that money。 I questioned if anything
intellectual could be had for it。
〃What do you say to the ten…cent magazines？〃 my friend retorted。 〃And
do you pretend that the two…dollar drama is intellectual？〃
I had to confess that it generally was not； and that this was part of my
grief with it。
Then he said： 〃I don't contend that it is intellectual； but I say that it
is often clever and charming at the ten…cent shows； just as it is less
often clever and charming in the ten…cent magazines。 I think the average
of propriety is rather higher than it is at the two…dollar theatres； and
it is much more instructive at the ten…cent shows； if you come to that。
The other day；〃 said my friend； and in squaring himself comfortably in
his chair and finding room for his elbow on the corner of my table he
knocked off some books for review； 〃I went to a dime museum for an hour
that I had between two appointments； and I must say that I never passed
an hour's time more agreeably。 In the curio hall； as one of the
lecturers on the curios called itthey had several lecturers in white
wigs and scholars' caps and gownsthere was not a great deal to see； I
confess； but everything was very high…class。 There was the inventor of a
perpetual motion； who lectured upon it and explained it from a diagram。
There was a fortune…teller in a three…foot tent whom I did not interview；
there were five macaws in one cage； and two gloomy apes in another。 On a
platform at the end of the hall was an Australian family a good deal
gloomier than the apes； who sat in the costume of our latitude； staring
down the room with varying expressions all verging upon melancholy
madness； and who gave me such a pang of compassion as I have seldom got
from the tragedy of the two…dollar theatres。 They allowed me to come
quite close up to them； and to feed my pity upon their wild dejection in
exile without stint。 I couldn't enter into conversation with them； and
express my regret at finding them so far from their native boomerangs and
kangaroos and pinetree grubs； but I know they felt my sympathy； it was so
evident。 I didn't see their performance； and I don't know that they had
any。 They may simply have been there ethnologically； but this was a good
object； and the sight of their spiritual misery was alone worth the price
of admission。
〃After the inventor of the perpetual motion had brought his harangue to a
close； we all went round to the dais where a lady in blue spectacles
lectured us upon a fire…escape which she had invented； and operated a
small model of it。 None of the events were so exciting that we could
regret it when the chief lecturer announced that this was the end of the
entertainment in the curio hall； and that now the performance in the
theatre was about to begin。 He invited us to buy tickets at an
additional charge of five； ten； or fifteen cents for the gallery；
orchestra circle； or orchestra。
〃I thought I could afford an orchestra stall； for once。 We were three in
the orchestra； another man and a young mother； not counting the little
boy she had with her； there were two people in the gallery； and a dozen
at least in the orchestra circle。 An attendant shouted； 'Hats off！' and
the other man and I uncovered； and a lady came up from under the stage
and began to play the piano in front of it。 The curtain rose； and the
entertainment began at once。 It was a passage apparently from real life；
and it involved a dissatisfied boarder and the daughter of the landlady。
There was not much coherence in it； but there was a good deal of
conscience on the part of the actors； who toiled through it with
unflagging energy。 The young woman was equipped for the dance she
brought into it at one point rather than for the part she had to sustain
in the drama。 It was a very blameless dance； and she gave it as if she
was tired of it； but was not going to falter。 She delivered her lines
with a hard； Southwestern accent； and I liked fancying her having come up
in a simpler…hearted section of the country than ours； encouraged by a
strong local belief that she was destined to do Juliet and Lady Macbeth；
or Peg Woffington at the least； but very likely she had not。
〃Her performance was followed by an event involving a single character。
The actor； naturally； was blackened as to his skin； but as to his dress
he was all in white； and at the first glance I could see that he had
temperament。 I suspect that he thought I had； too； for he began to
address his entire drama to me。 This was not surprising； for it would
not have been the thing for him to single out the young mother； and the
other man in the orchestra stalls seemed a vague and inexperienced youth；
whom he would hardly have given the preference over me。 I felt the
compliment； but upon the whole it embarrassed me； it was too intimate；
and it gave me a publicity I would willingly have foregone。 I did what I
could to reject it； by feigning an indifference to his jokes； I even
frowned a measure of disapproval； but this merely stimulated his
ambition。 He was really a merry creature； and when he had got off a
number of very good things which were received in perfect silence； and
looked over his audience with a woe…begone eye； and said； with an effect
of delicate apology； 'I hope I'm not disturbing you any；' I broke down
and laughed； and that delivered me into his hand。 He immediately said to
me that now he would tell me about a friend of his； who had a pretty
large family； eight of them living； and one in Philadelphia； and then for
no reason he seemed to change his mind； and said he would sing me a song
written expressly for himby an expressman； and he went on from one wild
gayety to another； until he had worked his audience up to quite a frenzy
of enthusiasm； and almost had a recall when he went off。
〃I was rather glad to be rid of him； and I was glad that the next
performers； who were a lady and a gentleman contortionist of Spanish…
American extraction； behaved more impartially。 They were really
remarkable artists in their way； and though it's a painful way； I
couldn't help admiring their gift in bowknots and other difficult poses。
The gentleman got abundant applause； b