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〃Baas； I understand now what your reverend father； the Predikant；
meant when he spoke to me about Love last night。 It had nothing to do
with women； Baas； at least not much。 It was something a great deal
bigger； Baas； something as big as what I feel for you！〃
Then Hans died with a smile on his wrinkled face。
I wept！
CHAPTER XXI
HOMEWARDS
There is not much more to write of this expedition； or if that
statement be not strictly true； not much more that I wish to write；
though I have no doubt that Ragnall； if he had a mind that way； could
make a good and valuable book concerning many matters on which；
confining myself to the history of our adventure； I have scarcely
touched。 All the affinities between this Central African Worship of
the Heavenly Child and its Guardian and that of Horus and Isis in
Egypt from which it was undoubtedly descended； for instance。 Also the
part which the great serpent played therein； as it may be seen playing
a part in every tomb upon the Nile； and indeed plays a part in our own
and other religions。 Further； our journey across the desert to the Red
Sea was very interesting； but I am tired of describing journeysand
of making them。
The truth is that after the death of Hans； like to Queen Sheba when
she had surveyed the wonders of Solomon's court； there was no more
spirit in me。 For quite a long while I did not seem to care at all
what happened to me or to anybody else。 We buried him in a place of
honour； exactly where he shot Jana before the gateway of the second
court； and when the earth was thrown over his little yellow face I
felt as though half my past had departed with him into that hole。 Poor
drunken old Hans； where in the world shall I find such another man as
you were？ Where in the world shall I find so much love as filled the
cup of that strange heart of yours？
I dare say it is a form of selfishness； but what every man desires is
something that cares for him /alone/； which is just why we are so fond
of dogs。 Now Hans was a dog with a human brain and he cared for me
alone。 Often our vanity makes us think that this has happened to some
of us in the instance of one or more women。 But honest and quiet
reflection may well cause us to doubt the truth of such supposings。
The woman who as we believed adored us solely has probably in the
course of her career adored others； or at any rate other things。
To take but one instance； that of Mameena； the Zulu lady whom Hans
thought he saw in the Shades。 She； I believe； did me the honour to be
very fond of me； but I am convinced that she was fonder still of her
ambition。 Now Hans never cared for any living creature； or for any
human hope or object； as he cared for me。 There was no man or woman
whom he would not have cheated； or even murdered for my sake。 There
was no earthly advantage； down to that of life itself； that he would
not； and in the end did not forgo for my sake； witness the case of his
little fortune which he invested in my rotten gold mine and thought
nothing of losingfor my sake。
That is love /in excelsis/； and the man who has succeeded in inspiring
it in any creature； even in a low； bibulous； old Hottentot； may feel
proud indeed。 At least I am proud and as the years go by the pride
increases； as the hope grows that somewhere in the quiet of that great
plain which he saw in his dream； I may find the light of Hans's love
burning like a beacon in the darkness； as he promised I should do； and
that it may guide and warm my shivering； new…born soul before I dare
the adventure of the Infinite。
Meanwhile； since the sublime and the ridiculous are so very near akin；
I often wonder how he and Mameena settled that question of her right
to the royal salute。 Perhaps I shall learn one dayindeed already I
have had a hint of it。 If so； even in the blaze of a new and universal
Truth； I am certain that their stories will differ wildly。
Hans was quite right about the Black Kendah。 They cleared out；
probably in search of food； where I do not know and I do not care；
though whether this were a temporary or permanent move on their part
remains； and so far as I am concerned is likely to remain； veiled in
obscurity。 They were great blackguards； though extraordinarily fine
soldiers； and what became of them is a matter of complete indifference
to me。 One thing is certain； however； a very large percentage of them
never migrated at all； for something over three thousand of their
bodies did our people have to bury in the pass and about the temple； a
purpose for which all the pits and trenches we had dug came in very
useful。 Our loss； by the way； was five hundred and three； including
those who died of wounds。 It was a great fight and； except for those
who perished in the pitfalls during the first rush； all practically
hand to hand。
Jana we interred where he fell because we could not move him； within a
few feet of the body of his slayer Hans。 I have always regretted that
I did not take the exact measurements of this brute； as I believe the
record elephant of the world； but I had no time to do so and no rule
or tape at hand。 I only saw him for a minute on the following morning；
just as he was being tumbled into a huge hole； together with the
remains of his master； Simba the King。 I found； however； that the sole
wounds upon him； save some cuts and scratches from spears； were those
inflicted by Hansnamely； the loss of one eye； the puncture through
the skin over the heart made when he shot at him for the second time
with the little rifle Intombi； and two neat holes at the back of the
mouth through which the bullets from the elephant gun had driven
upwards to the base of the brain； causing his death from h？morrhage on
that organ。
I asked the White Kendah to give me his two enormous tusks；
unequalled； I suppose； in size and weight in Africa； although one was
deformed and broken。 But they refused。 These； I presume； they wished
to keep； together with the chains off his breast and trunk； as
mementoes of their victory over the god of their foes。 At any rate
they hewed the former out with axes and removed the latter before
tumbling the carcass into the grave。 From the worn…down state of the
teeth I concluded that this beast must have been extraordinarily old；
how old it is impossible to say。
That is all I have to tell of Jana。 May he rest in peace； which
certainly he will not do if Hans dwells anywhere in his neighbourhood；
in the region which the old boy used to call that of the 〃fires that
do not go out。〃 Because of my horrible failure in connection with this
beast； the very memory of which humiliates me； I do not like to think
of it more than I can help。
For the rest the White Kendah kept faith with us in every particular。
In a curious and semi…religious ceremony； at which I was not present；
Lady Ragnall was absolved from her high office of Guardian or Nurse to
a god whereof the symbol no longer