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throwing the table…cloth over our would…be murderer； charged for the door
and got out。
The next morning we complained to our landlady of her carelessness
in leaving wild beasts about the place； and we gave her a brief if not
exactly truthful； history of the business。
Instead of the tender womanly sympathy we had expected； the old lady
sat down in the easy chair and burst out laughing。
〃What！ old Boozer；〃 she exclaimed； 〃you was afraid of old Boozer！
Why； bless you； he wouldn't hurt a worm！ He ain't got a tooth in his head；
he ain't； we has to feed him with a spoon； and I'm sure the way the cat
chivies him about must be enough to make his life a burden to him。 I
expect he wanted you to nurse him； he's used to being nursed。〃
And that was the brute that had kept us sitting on a table； with our
boots off； for over an hour on a chilly night！
Another bull…dog exhibition that occurs to me was one given by my
uncle。 He had had a bulldoga young onegiven to him by a friend。 It
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was a grand dog； so his friend had told him； all it wanted was trainingit
had not been properly trained。 My uncle did not profess to know much
about the training of bull…dogs； but it seemed a simple enough matter； so
he thanked the man； and took his prize home at the end of a rope。
〃Have we got to live in the house with _this？_〃 asked my aunt；
indignantly； coming in to the room about an hour after the dog's advent；
followed by the quadruped himself； wearing an idiotically self…satisfied
air。
〃That！〃 exclaimed my uncle； in astonishment； 〃why； it's a splendid dog。
His father was honorably mentioned only last year at the Aquarium。〃
〃Ah； well； all I can say is； that his son isn't going the way to get
honorably mentioned in this neighborhood；〃 replied my aunt； with
bitterness； 〃he's just finished killing poor Mrs。 McSlanger's cat； if you
want to know what he has been doing。 And a pretty row there'll be about
it； too！〃
〃Can't we hush it up？〃 said my uncle。
〃Hush it up？〃 retorted my aunt。 〃If you'd heard the row； you wouldn't
sit there and talk like a fool。 And if you'll take my advice；〃 added my
aunt； 〃you'll set to work on this 'training；' or whatever it is； that has got to
be done to the dog； before any human life is lost。〃
My uncle was too busy to devote any time to the dog for the next day
or so； and all that could be done was to keep the animal carefully confined
to the house。
And a nice time we had with him！ It was not that the animal was
bad…hearted。 He meant wellhe tried to do his duty。 What was wrong
with him was that he was too hard…working。 He wanted to do too much。
He started with an exaggerated and totally erroneous notion of his duties
and responsibilities。 His idea was that he had been brought into the
house for the purpose of preventing any living human soul from coming
near it and of preventing any person who might by chance have managed
to slip in from ever again leaving it。
We endeavored to induce him to take a less exalted view of his
position； but in vain。 That was the conception he had formed in his own
mind concerning his earthly task； and that conception he insisted on living
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up to with； what appeared to us to be； unnecessary conscientiousness。
He so effectually frightened away all the trades people； that they at last
refused to enter the gate。 All that they would do was to bring their goods
and drop them over the fence into the front garden； from where we had to
go and fetch them as we wanted them。
〃I wish you'd run into the garden；〃 my aunt would say to meI was
stopping with them at the time〃and see if you can find any sugar； I think
there's some under the big rose…bush。 If not； you'd better go to Jones' and
order some。〃
And on the cook's inquiring what she should get ready for lunch； my
aunt would say：
〃Well； I'm sure； Jane； I hardly know。 What have we？ Are there any
chops in the garden； or was it a bit of steak that I noticed on the lawn？〃
On the second afternoon the plumbers came to do a little job to the
kitchen boiler。 The dog； being engaged at the time in the front of the
house； driving away the postman； did not notice their arrival。 He was
broken…hearted at finding them there when he got downstairs； and
evidently blamed himself most bitterly。 Still； there they were； all owing
to his carelessness； and the only thing to be done now was to see that they
did not escape。
There were three plumbers （it always takes three plumbers to do a job；
the first man comes on ahead to tell you that the second man will be there
soon； the second man comes to say that he can't stop； and the third man
follows to ask if the first man has been there）； and that faithful； dumb
animal kept them pinned up in the kitchenfancy wanting to keep
plumbers in a house longer than is absolutely necessary！for five hours；
until my uncle came home； and the bill ran： 〃Self and two men engaged
six hours； repairing boiler…tap； 18s。； material； 2d。； total 18s。 2d。〃
He took a dislike to the cook from the very first。 We did not blame
him for this。 She was a disagreeable old woman； and we did not think
much of her ourselves。 But when it came to keeping her out of the
kitchen； so that she could not do her work； and my aunt and uncle had to
cook the dinner themselves； assisted by the housemaida willing…enough
girl； but necessarily inexperiencedwe felt that the woman was being
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subject to persecution。
My uncle； after this； decided that the dog's training must be no longer
neglected。 The man next door but one always talked as if he knew a lot
about sporting matters； and to him my uncle went for advice as to how to
set about it。
〃Oh； yes；〃 said the man； cheerfully； 〃very simple thing； training a bull…
dog。 Wants pa