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was Colbourne's right…hand man。 In short； this favoured individual
appeared to have served with every separate corps； and under every
individual general in the Peninsula。 Of course I apologised。 I
had not known。 The devil was in it if a soldier had not a right to
the best in England。 And with that sentiment； which was loudly
applauded； I found a corner of a bench； and awaited； with some
hopes of entertainment； the return of the hero。 He proved； of
course； to be a private soldier。 I say of course； because no
officer could possibly enjoy such heights of popularity。 He had
been wounded before San Sebastian； and still wore his arm in a
sling。 What was a great deal worse for him； every member of the
company had been plying him with drink。 His honest yokel's
countenance blazed as if with fever； his eyes were glazed and
looked the two ways； and his feet stumbled as； amidst a murmur of
applause； he returned to the midst of his admirers。
Two minutes afterwards I was again posting in the dark along the
highway； to explain which sudden movement of retreat I must trouble
the reader with a reminiscence of my services。
I lay one night with the out…pickets in Castile。 We were in close
touch with the enemy； the usual orders had been issued against
smoking； fires； and talk； and both armies lay as quiet as mice；
when I saw the English sentinel opposite making a signal by holding
up his musket。 I repeated it； and we both crept together in the
dry bed of a stream； which made the demarcation of the armies。 It
was wine he wanted； of which we had a good provision； and the
English had quite run out。 He gave me the money； and I； as was the
custom； left him my firelock in pledge； and set off for the
canteen。 When I returned with a skin of wine； behold； it had
pleased some uneasy devil of an English officer to withdraw the
outposts！ Here was a situation with a vengeance； and I looked for
nothing but ridicule in the present and punishment in the future。
Doubtless our officers winked pretty hard at this interchange of
courtesies； but doubtless it would be impossible to wink at so
gross a fault； or rather so pitiable a misadventure as mine； and
you are to conceive me wandering in the plains of Castile；
benighted； charged with a wine…skin for which I had no use； and
with no knowledge whatever of the whereabouts of my musket； beyond
that it was somewhere in my Lord Wellington's army。 But my
Englishman was either a very honest fellow； or else extremely
thirsty； and at last contrived to advertise me of his new position。
Now； the English sentry in Castile； and the wounded hero in the
Durham public…house； were one and the same person； and if he had
been a little less drunk； or myself less lively in getting away；
the travels of M。 St。 Ives might have come to an untimely end。
I suppose this woke me up； it stirred in me besides a spirit of
opposition； and in spite of cold； darkness； the highwaymen and the
footpads； I determined to walk right on till breakfast…time： a
happy resolution； which enabled me to observe one of those traits
of manners which at once depict a country and condemn it。 It was
near midnight when I saw； a great way ahead of me； the light of
many torches； presently after； the sound of wheels reached me； and
the slow tread of feet； and soon I had joined myself to the rear of
a sordid； silent； and lugubrious procession； such as we see in
dreams。 Close on a hundred persons marched by torchlight in
unbroken silence； in their midst a cart； and in the cart； on an
inclined platform； the dead body of a man … the centre…piece of
this solemnity； the hero whose obsequies we were come forth at this
unusual hour to celebrate。 It was but a plain； dingy old fellow of
fifty or sixty； his throat cut； his shirt turned over as though to
show the wound。 Blue trousers and brown socks completed his
attire； if we can talk so of the dead。 He had a horrid look of a
waxwork。 In the tossing of the lights he seemed to make faces and
mouths at us； to frown； and to be at times upon the point of
speech。 The cart； with this shabby and tragic freight； and
surrounded by its silent escort and bright torches； continued for
some distance to creak along the high…road； and I to follow it in
amazement； which was soon exchanged for horror。 At the corner of a
lane the procession stopped； and； as the torches ranged themselves
along the hedgerow…side； I became aware of a grave dug in the midst
of the thoroughfare； and a provision of quicklime piled in the
ditch。 The cart was backed to the margin； the body slung off the
platform and dumped into the grave with an irreverent roughness。 A
sharpened stake had hitherto served it for a pillow。 It was now
withdrawn； held in its place by several volunteers； and a fellow
with a heavy mallet （the sound of which still haunts me at night）
drove it home through the bosom of the corpse。 The hole was filled
with quicklime； and the bystanders； as if relieved of some
oppression； broke at once into a sound of whispered speech。
My shirt stuck to me； my heart had almost ceased beating； and I
found my tongue with difficulty。
'I beg your pardon；' I gasped to a neighbour； 'what is this？ what
has he done？ is it allowed？'
'Why； where do you come from？' replied the man。
'I am a traveller； sir；' said I； 'and a total stranger in this part
of the country。 I had lost my way when I saw your torches； and
came by chance on this … this incredible scene。 Who was the man？'
'A suicide；' said he。 'Ay； he was a bad one； was Johnnie Green。'
It appeared this was a wretch who had committed many barbarous
murders； and being at last upon the point of discovery fell of his
own hand。 And the nightmare at the crossroads was the regular
punishment； according to the laws of England； for an act which the
Romans honoured as a virtue！ Whenever an Englishman begins to
prate of civilisation （as； indeed； it's a defect they are rather
prone to）； I hear the measured blows of a mallet； see the
bystanders crowd with torches about the grave； smile a little to
myself in conscious superiority … and take a thimbleful of brandy
for the stomach's sake。
I believe it must have been at my next stage； for I remember going
to bed extremely early； that I came to the model of a good old…
fashioned English inn； and was attended on by the picture of a
pretty chambermaid。 We had a good many pleasant passages as she
waited table or warmed my bed for me with a devil of a brass
warming pan； fully larger than herself； and as she was no less pert
than she was pretty； she may be said to have given rather better
than she took。 I cannot tell why （unless it were for the sake of
her saucy eyes）； but I made her my confidante； told her I was
attached to a young lady in Scotland； and received the
encouragement of her sympathy； mingled and connec