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each patient； would have sobered him immediately。 The President
remarked that this was a most important discovery； and he hoped the
Lord Mayor and Court of Aldermen would patronize it immediately。
'A Member begged to be informed whether it would be possible to
administer … say； the twentieth part of a grain of bread and cheese
to all grown…up paupers； and the fortieth part to children； with
the same satisfying effect as their present allowance。
'PROFESSOR MUFF was willing to stake his professional reputation on
the perfect adequacy of such a quantity of food to the support of
human life … in workhouses； the addition of the fifteenth part of a
grain of pudding twice a week would render it a high diet。
'PROFESSOR NOGO called the attention of the section to a very
extraordinary case of animal magnetism。 A private watchman； being
merely looked at by the operator from the opposite side of a wide
street； was at once observed to be in a very drowsy and languid
state。 He was followed to his box； and being once slightly rubbed
on the palms of the hands； fell into a sound sleep； in which he
continued without intermission for ten hours。
'SECTION C。 … STATISTICS。
HAY…LOFT； ORIGINAL PIG。
PRESIDENT … Mr。 Woodensconce。 VICE…PRESIDENTS … Mr。 Ledbrain and
Mr。 Timbered。
'MR。 SLUG stated to the section the result of some calculations he
had made with great difficulty and labour； regarding the state of
infant education among the middle classes of London。 He found
that； within a circle of three miles from the Elephant and Castle；
the following were the names and numbers of children's books
principally in circulation：…
'Jack the Giant…killer 7；943
Ditto and Bean…stalk 8；621
Ditto and Eleven Brothers 2；845
Ditto and Jill 1；998
Total 21；407
'He found that the proportion of Robinson Crusoes to Philip Quarlls
was as four and a half to one； and that the preponderance of
Valentine and Orsons over Goody Two Shoeses was as three and an
eighth of the former to half a one of the latter； a comparison of
Seven Champions with Simple Simons gave the same result。 The
ignorance that prevailed； was lamentable。 One child； on being
asked whether he would rather be Saint George of England or a
respectable tallow…chandler； instantly replied； 〃Taint George of
Ingling。〃 Another； a little boy of eight years old； was found to
be firmly impressed with a belief in the existence of dragons； and
openly stated that it was his intention when he grew up； to rush
forth sword in hand for the deliverance of captive princesses； and
the promiscuous slaughter of giants。 Not one child among the
number interrogated had ever heard of Mungo Park； … some inquiring
whether he was at all connected with the black man that swept the
crossing； and others whether he was in any way related to the
Regent's Park。 They had not the slightest conception of the
commonest principles of mathematics； and considered Sindbad the
Sailor the most enterprising voyager that the world had ever
produced。
'A Member strongly deprecating the use of all the other books
mentioned； suggested that Jack and Jill might perhaps be exempted
from the general censure； inasmuch as the hero and heroine； in the
very outset of the tale； were depicted as going UP a hill to fetch
a pail of water； which was a laborious and useful occupation； …
supposing the family linen was being washed； for instance。
'MR。 SLUG feared that the moral effect of this passage was more
than counterbalanced by another in a subsequent part of the poem；
in which very gross allusion was made to the mode in which the
heroine was personally chastised by her mother
〃'For laughing at Jack's disaster；〃
besides； the whole work had this one great fault； IT WAS NOT TRUE。
'THE PRESIDENT complimented the honourable member on the excellent
distinction he had drawn。 Several other Members； too； dwelt upon
the immense and urgent necessity of storing the minds of children
with nothing but facts and figures； which process the President
very forcibly remarked； had made them （the section） the men they
were。
'MR。 SLUG then stated some curious calculations respecting the
dogs'…meat barrows of London。 He found that the total number of
small carts and barrows engaged in dispensing provision to the cats
and dogs of the metropolis was； one thousand seven hundred and
forty…three。 The average number of skewers delivered daily with
the provender； by each dogs'…meat cart or barrow； was thirty…six。
Now； multiplying the number of skewers so delivered by the number
of barrows； a total of sixty…two thousand seven hundred and forty…
eight skewers daily would be obtained。 Allowing that； of these
sixty…two thousand seven hundred and forty…eight skewers； the odd
two thousand seven hundred and forty…eight were accidentally
devoured with the meat； by the most voracious of the animals
supplied； it followed that sixty thousand skewers per day； or the
enormous number of twenty…one millions nine hundred thousand
skewers annually； were wasted in the kennels and dustholes of
London； which； if collected and warehoused； would in ten years'
time afford a mass of timber more than sufficient for the
construction of a first…rate vessel of war for the use of her
Majesty's navy； to be called 〃The Royal Skewer；〃 and to become
under that name the terror of all the enemies of this island。
'MR。 X。 LEDBRAIN read a very ingenious communication； from which it
appeared that the total number of legs belonging to the
manufacturing population of one great town in Yorkshire was； in
round numbers； forty thousand； while the total number of chair and
stool legs in their houses was only thirty thousand； which； upon
the very favourable average of three legs to a seat； yielded only
ten thousand seats in all。 From this calculation it would appear；
… not taking wooden or cork legs into the account； but allowing two
legs to every person； … that ten thousand individuals （one…half of
the whole population） were either destitute of any rest for their
legs at all； or passed the whole of their leisure time in sitting
upon boxes。
'SECTION D。 … MECHANICAL SCIENCE。
COACH…HOUSE； ORIGINAL PIG。
PRESIDENT … Mr。 Carter。 VICE…PRESIDENTS … Mr。 Truck and Mr。
Waghorn。
'PROFESSOR QUEERSPECK exhibited an elegant model of a portable
railway； neatly mounted in a green case； for the waistcoat pocket。
By attaching this beautiful instrument to his boots； any Bank or
public…office clerk could transport himself from his place of
residence to his place of business； at the easy rate of sixty…five
miles an hour； which； to gentlemen of sedentary pursuits； would be
an incalculable advantage。
'THE PRESIDENT was desirous of knowing whether it was necessary to
have a level surface on which the gentleman was to run。
'PROFESSOR QU