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〃But how；〃 said Bedford's Duke； 〃do you propose That we should
overthrow your Colonel's scheme？〃 And HONGREE； Sub…Lieutenant of
Chassoores； Replied at once with never…failing tact： 〃Oh； sir； I know this
cursed country well。 Entrust yourself and all your host to me； I'll lead you
safely by a secret path Into the heart of COLONEL JOOLES' array； And
you can then attack them unprepared； And slay my fellow…countrymen
unarmed。〃
The thing was done。 The DUKE of BEDFORD gave The order； and
two thousand fighting men Crept silently into the Gallic camp； And slew
the Frenchmen as they lay asleep； And Bedford's haughty Duke slew
COLONEL JOOLES； And gave fair MAHRY； pride of Aquitaine； To
HONGREE； Sub…Lieutenant of Chassoores。
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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
THE BALLYSHANNON foundered off the coast of Cariboo； And
down in fathoms many went the captain and the crew； Down went the
owners … greedy men whom hope of gain allured： Oh； dry the starting tear；
for they were heavily insured。
Besides the captain and the mate； the owners and the crew； The
passengers were also drowned excepting only two： Young PETER GRAY；
who tasted teas for BAKER； CROOP； AND CO。； And SOMERS； who
from Eastern shores imported indigo。
These passengers； by reason of their clinging to a mast； Upon a desert
island were eventually cast。 They hunted for their meals； as
ALEXANDER SELKIRK used； But they couldn't chat together … they had
not been introduced。
For PETER GRAY； and SOMERS too； though certainly in trade； Were
properly particular about the friends they made； And somehow thus they
settled it without a word of mouth … That GRAY should take the northern
half； while SOMERS took the south。
On PETER'S portion oysters grew … a delicacy rare； But oysters were a
delicacy PETER couldn't bear。 On SOMERS' side was turtle； on the
shingle lying thick； Which SOMERS couldn't eat； because it always made
him sick。
GRAY gnashed his teeth with envy as he saw a mighty store Of turtle
unmolested on his fellow…creature's shore。 The oysters at his feet aside
impatiently he shoved； For turtle and his mother were the only things he
loved。
And SOMERS sighed in sorrow as he settled in the south； For the
thought of PETER'S oysters brought the water to his mouth。 He longed to
lay him down upon the shelly bed； and stuff： He had often eaten oysters；
but had never had enough。
How they wished an introduction to each other they had had When on
board the BALLYSHANNON！ And it drove them nearly mad To think
how very friendly with each other they might get； If it wasn't for the
101
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
One day； when out a…hunting for the MUS RIDICULUS； GRAY
overheard his fellow…man soliloquizing thus： 〃I wonder how the playmates
of my youth are getting on； M'CONNELL； S。 B。 WALTERS； PADDY
BYLES； and ROBINSON？〃
These simple words made PETER as delighted as could be； Old
chummies at the Charterhouse were ROBINSON and he！ He walked
straight up to SOMERS； then he turned extremely red； Hesitated； hummed
and hawed a bit； then cleared his throat； and said：
I beg your pardon … pray forgive me if I seem too bold； But you have
breathed a name I knew familiarly of old。 You spoke aloud of ROBINSON
… I happened to be by。 You know him？〃 〃Yes； extremely well。〃 〃Allow me；
so do I。〃
It was enough： they felt they could more pleasantly get on； For （ah； the
magic of the fact！） they each knew ROBINSON！ And Mr。 SOMERS' turtle
was at PETER'S service quite； And Mr。 SOMERS punished PETER'S
oyster…beds all night。
They soon became like brothers from community of wrongs： They
wrote each other little odes and sang each other songs； They told each
other anecdotes disparaging their wives； On several occasions； too； they
saved each other's lives。
They felt quite melancholy when they parted for the night； And got up
in the morning soon as ever it was light； Each other's pleasant company
they reckoned so upon； And all because it happened that they both knew
ROBINSON！
They lived for many years on that inhospitable shore； And day by day
they learned to love each other more and more。 At last； to their
astonishment； on getting up one day； They saw a frigate anchored in the
offing of the bay。
To PETER an idea occurred。 〃Suppose we cross the main？ So good an
opportunity may not be found again。〃 And SOMERS thought a minute；
then ejaculated； 〃Done！ I wonder how my business in the City's getting
on？〃
〃But stay；〃 said Mr。 PETER： 〃when in England； as you know； I earned
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Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
… my employers think me dead！〃 〃Then come with me；〃 said SOMERS；
〃and taste indigo instead。〃
But all their plans were scattered in a moment when they found The
vessel was a convict ship from Portland； outward bound； When a boat
came off to fetch them； though they felt it very kind； To go on board they
firmly but respectfully declined。
As both the happy settlers roared with laughter at the joke； They
recognized a gentlemanly fellow pulling stroke： 'Twas ROBINSON … a
convict； in an unbecoming frock！ Condemned to seven years for
misappropriating stock！！！
They laughed no more； for SOMERS thought he had been rather rash
In knowing one whose friend had misappropriated cash； And PETER
thought a foolish tack he must have gone upon In making the acquaintance
of a friend of ROBINSON。
At first they didn't quarrel very openly； I've heard； They nodded when
they met； and now and then exchanged a word： The word grew rare； and
rarer still the nodding of the head； And when they meet each other now；
they cut each other dead。
To allocate the island they agreed by word of mouth； And PETER
takes the north again； and SOMERS takes the south； And PETER has the
oysters； which he hates； in layers thick； And SOMERS has the turtle turtle
always makes him sick。
103
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
AN Actor sits in doubtful gloom； His stock…in…trade unfurled； In a
damp funereal dressing…room In the Theatre Royal； World。
He comes to town at Christmas…time； And braves its icy breath； To
play in that favourite pantomime； HARLEQUIN LIFE AND DEATH。
A hoary flowing wig his weird Unearthly cranium caps； He hangs a
long benevolent beard On a pair of empty chaps。
To smooth his ghastly features down The actor's art he cribs； … A long
and a flowing padded gown。 Bedecks his rattling ribs。
He cries； 〃Go on … begin； begin！ Turn on the light of lime … I'm dressed
for jolly Old Christmas； in A favourite pantomime！〃
The curtain's up … the stage all black … Time and the year nigh sped Time
as an advertising quack … The Old Year nearly dead。
The wand of Time is waved； and lo！ Revealed Old Christmas stands；
And little children chuckle and crow； And laugh and clap their hands。