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eyes are gone； and my teeth have been drawn by Time； the Thief！ For
terrible sights I've seen； and dangers great I've run … I'm nearly seventy
now； and my work is almost done！
Ah！ I've been young in my time； and I've played the deuce with men！
I'm speaking of ten years past … I was barely sixty then： My cheeks were
mellow and soft； and my eyes were large and sweet； POLL PINEAPPLE'S
eyes were the standing toast of the Royal Fleet！
A bumboat woman was I； and I faithfully served the ships With apples
and cakes； and fowls； and beer； and halfpenny dips； And beef for the
generous mess； where the officers dine at nights； And fine fresh
peppermint drops for the rollicking midshipmites。
Of all the kind commanders who anchored in Portsmouth Bay； By far
the sweetest of all was kind LIEUTENANT BELAYE。' LIEUTENANT
BELAYE commanded the gunboat HOT CROSS BUN； She was seven
and thirty feet in length； and she carried a gun。
With a laudable view of enhancing his country's naval pride； When
people inquired her size； LIEUTENANT BELAYE replied； 〃Oh； my ship；
my ship is the first of the Hundred and Seventy… ones！〃 Which meant her
tonnage； but people imagined it meant her guns。
Whenever I went on board he would beckon me down below； 〃Come
down； Little Buttercup； come〃 （for he loved to call me so）； And he'd tell of
the fights at sea in which he'd taken a part； And so LIEUTENANT
BELAYE won poor POLL PINEAPPLE'S heart！
But at length his orders came； and he said one day； said he； 〃I'm
ordered to sail with the HOT CROSS BUN to the German Sea。〃 And the
Portsmouth maidens wept when they learnt the evil day； For every
Portsmouth maid loved good LIEUTENANT BELAYE。
And I went to a back back street； with plenty of cheap cheap shops；
54
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
We sailed that afternoon at the mystic hour of one； … Remarkably nice
young men were the crew of the HOT CROSS BUN； I'm sorry to say that
I've heard that sailors sometimes swear； But I never yet heard a BUN say
anything wrong； I declare。
When Jack Tars meet； they meet with a 〃Messmate； ho！ What cheer？〃
But here； on the HOT CROSS BUN； it was 〃How do you do； my dear？〃
When Jack Tars growl； I believe they growl with a big big D… But the
strongest oath of the HOT CROSS BUNS was a mild 〃Dear me！〃
Yet； though they were all well…bred； you could scarcely call them slick：
Whenever a sea was on； they were all extremely sick； And whenever the
weather was calm； and the wind was light and fair； They spent more time
than a sailor should on his back back hair。
They certainly shivered and shook when ordered aloft to run； And they
screamed when LIEUTENANT BELAYE discharged his only gun。 And as
he was proud of his gun … such pride is hardly wrong … The Lieutenant was
blazing away at intervals all day long。
They all agreed very well； though at times you heard it said That BILL
had a way of his own of making his lips look red … That JOE looked quite
his age … or somebody might declare That BARNACLE'S long pig…tail was
never his own own hair。
BELAYE would admit that his men were of no great use to him； 〃But；
then；〃 he would say； 〃there is little to do on a gunboat trim I can hand； and
reef； and steer； and fire my big gun too … And it IS such a treat to sail with
a gentle well…bred crew。〃
I saw him every day。 How the happy moments sped！ Reef topsails！
Make all taut！ There's dirty weather ahead！ （I do not mean that tempests
threatened the HOT CROSS BUN： In THAT case； I don't know whatever
we SHOULD have done！）
After a fortnight's cruise； we put into port one day； And off on leave
for a week went kind LIEUTENANT BELAYE； And after a long long
week had passed （and it seemed like a life）； LIEUTENANT BELAYE
55
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
He up； and he says； says he； 〃O crew of the HOT CROSS BUN； Here
is the wife of my heart； for the Church has made us one！〃 And as he
uttered the word； the crew went out of their wits； And all fell down in so
many separate fainting…fits。
And then their hair came down； or off； as the case might be； And lo！
the rest of the crew were simple girls； like me； Who all had fled from their
homes in a sailor's blue array； To follow the shifting fate of kind
LIEUTENANT BELAYE。
* * * * * * * *
It's strange to think that I should ever have loved young men； But I'm
speaking of ten years past … I was barely sixty then； And now my cheeks
are furrowed with grief and age； I trow！ And poor POLL PINEAPPLE'S
eyes have lost their lustre now！
56
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
MR。 BLAKE was a regular out…and…out hardened sinner； Who was
quite out of the pale of Christianity； so to speak； He was in the habit of
smoking a long pipe and drinking a glass of grog on a Sunday after dinner；
And seldom thought of going to church more than twice or …if Good
Friday or Christmas Day happened to come in it … three times a week。
He was quite indifferent as to the particular kinds of dresses That the
clergyman wore at church where he used to go to pray； And whatever he
did in the way of relieving a chap's distresses； He always did in a nasty；
sneaking； underhanded； hole…and…corner sort of way。
I have known him indulge in profane； ungentlemanly emphatics； When
the Protestant Church has been divided on the subject of the proper width
of a chasuble's hem； I have even known him to sneer at albs … and as for
dalmatics； Words can't convey an idea of the contempt he expressed for
THEM。
He didn't believe in persons who； not being well off themselves； are
obliged to confine their charitable exertions to collecting money from
wealthier people； And looked upon individuals of the former class as
ecclesiastical hawks； He used to say that he would no more think of
interfering with his priest's robes than with his church or his steeple； And
that he did not consider his soul imperilled because somebody over whom
he had no influence whatever； chose to dress himself up like an
exaggerated GUY FAWKES。
This shocking old vagabond was so unutterably shameless That he
actually went a…courting a very respectable and pious middle…aged sister；
by the name of BIGGS。 She was a rather attractive widow； whose life as
such had always been particularly blameless； Her first husband had left
her a secure but moderate competence； owing to some fortunate
speculations in the matter of figs。
She was an excellent person in every way … and won the respect even
of MRS。 GRUNDY； She was a good housewife； too； and wouldn't have
wasted a penny if she had owned the Koh…i…noor。 She was just as strict as
57
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
Fifty 〃Bab〃 Ballads … Much Sound and Little Sense
I am sorry to say that she rather took to BLAKE … that outcast of
society； And when respectable brothers who were fond of her began to
look dubious an