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at the Shadwell Police Station; and it has the advantage of being
verbatim。〃
〃'Have I anything to say? Yes; I have a deal to say。 I have to
make a clean breast of it all。 You can hang me; or you can leave me
alone。 I don't care a plug which you do。 I tell you I've not shut an
eye in sleep since I did it; and I don't believe I ever will again
until I get past all waking。 Sometimes it's his face; but most
generally it's hers。 I'm never without one or the other before me。
He looks frowning and black…like; but she has a kind o' surprise
upon her face。 Ay; the white lamb; she might well be surprised when
she read death on a face that had seldom looked anything but love upon
her before。
〃'But it was Sarah's fault and may the curse of a broken man put a
blight on her and set the blood rotting in her veins! It's not that
I want to clear myself。 I know that I went back to drink; like the
beast that I was。 But she would have forgiven me; she would have stuck
as close to me as a rope to a block if that woman had never darkened
our door。 For Sarah Cushing loved me… that's the root of the business…
she loved me until all her love turned to poisonous hate when she knew
that I thought more of my wife's footmark in the mud than I did of her
whole body and soul。
〃'There were three sisters altogether。 The old one was just a good
woman; the second was a devil; and the third was an angel。 Sarah was
thirty…three; and Mary was twenty…nine when I married。 We were just as
happy as the day was long when we set up house together; and in all
Liverpool there was no better woman than my Mary。 And then we asked
Sarah up for a week; and the week grew into a month; and one thing led
to another; until she was just one of ourselves。
〃'I was blue ribbon at that time; and we were putting a little money
by; and all was as bright as a new dollar。 My God; whoever would
have thought that it could have come to this? Whoever would have
dreamed it?
〃'I used to be home for the week…ends very often; and sometimes if
the ship were held back for cargo I would have a whole week at a time;
and in this way I saw a deal of my sister…in…law; Sarah。 She was a
fine tall woman; black and quick and fierce; with a proud way of
carrying her head; and a glint from her eye like a spark from a flint。
But when little Mary was there I had never a thought of her; and
that I swear as I hope for God's mercy。
〃'It had seemed to me sometimes that she liked to be alone with
me; or to coax me out for a walk with her; but I had never thought
anything of that。 But one evening my eyes were opened。 I had come up
from the ship and found my wife out; but Sarah at home。 〃Where's
Mary?〃 I asked。 〃Oh; she has gone to pay some accounts。〃 I was
impatient and paced up and down the room。 〃Can't you be happy for five
minutes without Mary; Jim?〃 says she。 〃It's a bad compliment to me
that you can't be contented with my society for so short a time。〃
〃That's all right; my lass;〃 said I; putting out my hand towards her
in a kindly way; but she had it in both hers in an instant; and they
burned as if they were in a fever。 I looked into her eyes and I read
it all there。 There was no need for her to speak; nor for me either。 I
frowned and drew my hand away。 Then she stood by my side in silence
for a bit; and then put up her hand and patted me on the shoulder。
〃Steady old Jim!〃 said she; and with a kind o' mocking laugh; she
run out of the room。
〃Well; from that time Sarah hated me with her whole heart and
soul; and she is a woman who can hate; too。 I was a fool to let her go
on biding with us… a besotted fool… but I never said a word to Mary;
for I knew it would grieve her。 Things went on much as before; but
after a time I began to find that there was a bit of a change in
Mary herself。 She had always been so trusting and so innocent; but now
she became queer and suspicious; wanting to know where I had been
and what I had been doing; and whom my letters were from; and what I
had in my pockets; and a thousand such follies。 Day by day she grew
queerer and more irritable; and we had ceaseless rows about nothing。 I
was fairly puzzled by it all。 Sarah avoided me now; but she and Mary
were just inseparable。 I can see now how she was plotting and scheming
and poisoning my wife's mind against me; but I was such a blind beetle
that I could not understand it at the time。 Then I broke my blue
ribbon and began to drink again; but I think I should not have done it
if Mary had been the same as ever。 She had some reason to be disgusted
with me now; and the gap between us began to be wider and wider。 And
then this Alec Fairbairn chipped in; and things became a thousand
times blacker。
〃'It was to see Sarah that he came to my house first; but soon it
was to see us; for he was a man with winning ways; and he made friends
wherever he went。 He was a dashing; swaggering chap; smart and curled;
who had seen half the world and could talk of what he had seen。 He was
good company; I won't deny it; and he had wonderful polite ways with
him for a sailor man; so that I think there must have been a time when
he knew more of the poop than the forecastle。 For a month he was in
and out of my house; and never once did it cross my mind that harm
might come of his soft tricky ways。 And then at last something made me
suspect and from that day my peace was gone forever。
〃'It was only a little thing; too。 I had come into the parlour
unexpected; and as I walked in at the door I saw a light of welcome on
my wife's face。 But as she saw who it was it faded again; and she
turned away with a look of disappointment。 That was enough for me。
There was no one but Alec Fairbairn whose step she could have mistaken
for mine。 If I could have seen him then I should have killed him;
for I have always been like a madman when my temper gets loose。 Mary
saw the devil's light in my eyes; and she ran forward with her hands
on my sleeve。 〃Don't Jim; don't!〃 says she。 〃Where's Sarah?〃 I
asked。 〃In the kitchen;〃 says she。 〃Sarah;〃 says I as I went in; 〃this
man Fairbairn is never to darken my door again。〃 〃Why not?〃 says
she。 〃Because I order it。〃 〃Oh!〃 says she; 〃if my friends are not good
enough for this house; then I am not good enough for it either。〃
〃You can do what you like;〃 says I; 〃but if Fairbairn shows his face
here again I'll send you one of his ears for a keepsake。〃 She was
frightened by my face; I think; for she never answered a word; and the
same evening she left my house。
〃'Well; I don't know now whether it was pure devilry on the part
of this woman; or whether she thought that she could turn me against
my wife by encouraging her to misbehave。 Anyway; she took a house just
two streets off and let lodgings to sailors。 Fairbairn used to stay
there; and Mary would go round to have tea with her sister and him。
How often she went I don't know; but I followed her one day; and as
I broke in at the door Fairbairn got away over the back garden wall;
like the cowardly skunk that he was。 I swore to my wife that I would
kill her if I found he