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The man who disliked vestments wore a pair of preposterous trousers。
And surely if there was any insanity involved in the matter at all it
was in the trousers； not in the simply falling robe。 If there was any
insanity at all； it was in the extravagant entrees； not in the bread
and wine。
I went over all the cases； and I found the key fitted so far。
The fact that Swinburne was irritated at the unhappiness of Christians
and yet more irritated at their happiness was easily explained。
It was no longer a complication of diseases in Christianity；
but a complication of diseases in Swinburne。 The restraints
of Christians saddened him simply because he was more hedonist
than a healthy man should be。 The faith of Christians angered
him because he was more pessimist than a healthy man should be。
In the same way the Malthusians by instinct attacked Christianity；
not because there is anything especially anti…Malthusian about
Christianity； but because there is something a little anti…human
about Malthusianism。
Nevertheless it could not； I felt； be quite true that Christianity
was merely sensible and stood in the middle。 There was really
an element in it of emphasis and even frenzy which had justified
the secularists in their superficial criticism。 It might be wise；
I began more and more to think that it was wise； but it was not
merely worldly wise； it was not merely temperate and respectable。
Its fierce crusaders and meek saints might balance each other；
still； the crusaders were very fierce and the saints were very meek；
meek beyond all decency。 Now； it was just at this point of the
speculation that I remembered my thoughts about the martyr and
the suicide。 In that matter there had been this combination between
two almost insane positions which yet somehow amounted to sanity。
This was just such another contradiction； and this I had already
found to be true。 This was exactly one of the paradoxes in which
sceptics found the creed wrong； and in this I had found it right。
Madly as Christians might love the martyr or hate the suicide；
they never felt these passions more madly than I had felt them long
before I dreamed of Christianity。 Then the most difficult and
interesting part of the mental process opened； and I began to trace
this idea darkly through all the enormous thoughts of our theology。
The idea was that which I had outlined touching the optimist and
the pessimist； that we want not an amalgam or compromise； but both
things at the top of their energy； love and wrath both burning。
Here I shall only trace it in relation to ethics。 But I need not
remind the reader that the idea of this combination is indeed central
in orthodox theology。 For orthodox theology has specially insisted
that Christ was not a being apart from God and man； like an elf；
nor yet a being half human and half not； like a centaur； but both
things at once and both things thoroughly； very man and very God。
Now let me trace this notion as I found it。
All sane men can see that sanity is some kind of equilibrium；
that one may be mad and eat too much； or mad and eat too little。
Some moderns have indeed appeared with vague versions of progress and
evolution which seeks to destroy the MESON or balance of Aristotle。
They seem to suggest that we are meant to starve progressively；
or to go on eating larger and larger breakfasts every morning for ever。
But the great truism of the MESON remains for all thinking men；
and these people have not upset any balance except their own。
But granted that we have all to keep a balance； the real interest
comes in with the question of how that balance can be kept。
That was the problem which Paganism tried to solve： that was
the problem which I think Christianity solved and solved in a very
strange way。
Paganism declared that virtue was in a balance； Christianity
declared it was in a conflict： the collision of two passions
apparently opposite。 Of course they were not really inconsistent；
but they were such that it was hard to hold simultaneously。
Let us follow for a moment the clue of the martyr and the suicide；
and take the case of courage。 No quality has ever so much addled
the brains and tangled the definitions of merely rational sages。
Courage is almost a contradiction in terms。 It means a strong desire
to live taking the form of a readiness to die。 〃He that will lose
his life； the same shall save it；〃 is not a piece of mysticism
for saints and heroes。 It is a piece of everyday advice for
sailors or mountaineers。 It might be printed in an Alpine guide
or a drill book。 This paradox is the whole principle of courage；
even of quite earthly or quite brutal courage。 A man cut off by
the sea may save his life if he will risk it on the precipice。
He can only get away from death by continually stepping within
an inch of it。 A soldier surrounded by enemies； if he is to cut
his way out； needs to combine a strong desire for living with a
strange carelessness about dying。 He must not merely cling to life；
for then he will be a coward； and will not escape。 He must not merely
wait for death； for then he will be a suicide； and will not escape。
He must seek his life in a spirit of furious indifference to it；
he must desire life like water and yet drink death like wine。
No philosopher； I fancy； has ever expressed this romantic riddle
with adequate lucidity； and I certainly have not done so。
But Christianity has done more： it has marked the limits of it
in the awful graves of the suicide and the hero； showing the distance
between him who dies for the sake of living and him who dies for the
sake of dying。 And it has held up ever since above the European
lances the banner of the mystery of chivalry： the Christian courage；
which is a disdain of death； not the Chinese courage； which is a
disdain of life。
And now I began to find that this duplex passion was the Christian
key to ethics everywhere。 Everywhere the creed made a moderation
out of the still crash of two impetuous emotions。 Take； for instance；
the matter of modesty； of the balance between mere pride and
mere prostration。 The average pagan； like the average agnostic；
would merely say that he was content with himself； but not insolently
self…satisfied； that there were many better and many worse；
that his deserts were limited； but he would see that he got them。
In short； he would walk with his head in the air； but not necessarily
with his nose in the air。 This is a manly and rational pos